- Hello, lovely people,
and welcome back to my first video post-holiday.
Can you tell?
Yes, you're supposed to say yes.
We actually sunbathed every single day.
It was that warm in Tenerife.
We did wear jumpers in the morning
but by the afternoon there was sun bathing.
This is me with a sun tan.
I think I'm tan.
Anyway, moving on.
I thought it would be really fun if we did a little Q and A
because it is kind of the still-ish the start of the year.
We've got some new people with us. Hi, new people.
And one of the things I've been doing recently
is dropping into the community tab.
I have questions saying, "Hey, what kind
of videos would you guys like to see?"
And some of the questions were things
that maybe I thought I could answer quite briefly
rather than doing a whole video on.
But then I don't know,
if I answer them too briefly in this video.
And you're like, "Hey Jessica, no.
Give me a whole video on this."
Let me know, and we can do that.
So, hi, hello.
Let's go for a start of the year Q and A.
It's not gonna be called that.
There's gonna be a better title.
I mean, you know what it is, I don't know what it is yet,
but there will be a better title.
I should say I'm not answering questions
about all the holiday though, really.
Because I think most of them will be answered by the video
which will be coming out after this.
Except for this very first one
which is from "Musical Noodles," which is an excellent name.
"What's it like traveling with dietary requirements?
Do you have tips for people who diets are restricted
but still want to experience the culture
and food of the country?"
What is it like traveling with dietary requirements?
Well, so I, myself have quite a few restrictions
when it comes to dietary stuff.
I can't process sugar, which is quite a big one.
And as part of that, I can't really have lactose,
which is a type of sugar.
Don't do well with gluten.
I also can't do red meat, which is a surprising one.
Just in there for fun. No, I think that's pretty much it.
I'm good with peanuts. I can eat peanuts. That's fine.
And now we have a baby who has a cow's milk protein allergy
which is something that we actually have to watch out for.
So have to look for milk.
Claudia and I just kind of avoid lactose and gluten,
and I have to actively avoid sugar,
but we've never had to really be that careful
about things like dairy before.
But now because she's breastfeeding, she has to avoid dairy,
and we have to avoid dairy for things that we give Rupert.
So when we're traveling,
a lot restaurants are thankfully,
even if the menu isn't in English,
there will be little symbols that are kind of helpful.
So, you know, a little wheat grain.
The easiest way I find when you're in a different country
is to, as much as you want to kind
of try the more complex dishes
where everything's all mixed together,
unless you're really aware
of what the ingredients are already,
and you've done a lot of research,
is to order things that come in very separate parts.
So I love a good seafood platter.
That's something that I will order
pretty much everywhere we go.
But with maybe sauces that are very specific to that area.
So we were in Tenerife and in the Canary Islands
they have different Canarian dips that are very regional.
So we would order those,
and then try the different little dips with our seafood,
and that way we get to experience the flavors
and tastes of the area, but without having to be like,
"Ah, don't really know what's in this,
don't really know how to properly communicate.
I need to make sure that this hasn't seen a cow."
Next question is from "Emily Timco."
"What are your tips for similarly disabled people
who are about to become parents?
What do you do to prepare?
How do you and Claudia make sure you still get
lots of bonding time with your child despite being stuck
in bed some days?"
Preparation. Yes. Preparation is key.
One of the things that I really did
to prepare for becoming a parent was to make sure
that I was physically ready to carry
around a small child because that's a large part
of what you have to do at the start.
They very much cannot do anything for themselves.
I'm not saying you have to straight away
be able to lift a one year old because you very much don't.
They are not at that weight from birth, thank goodness.
You just need to be able
to lift a average size of a newborn.
That sounds really harsh though
saying you have to be able to carry that,
because you really don't to be a parent.
But that's just what I did because I was aware
that I could get my body to that state.
But it's not vital to being a parent
that you actually can lift up a child.
Probably the most vital thing to be a parent
is actually just that you are there
to be able to love your child,
and to make them feel loved and supported.
But what I did, not focusing on aerobic exercise,
more on the weight lifting so that I was able
to lift a kind of eight pound child.
And then once he was born,
because I was carrying him around so much,
he was the weight for me.
And I've built up quite a little bit of muscle here
just from hefting around our child.
It sounds really silly.
But one of the things that I would advise
in the run up to becoming a disabled parent
is not to panic too much.
Because as a disabled person
you are already quite well equipped
with a lot of the things that you're going to need
as a parent, including the ability
to adapt very quickly to things changing day to day,
and have having to change your environment around you.
Babies change constantly, and you are probably pretty used
to your body being a little different
from how the world expects your body to be.
And therefore needing to think on your feet,
and needing to change your environment
to make it help fit for you.
So that's kind of the skills you are going
to need from day one.
Next question.
And we'll pretend that I don't look slightly different
because I may or may not have gone
to the Chinese supermarket to get some food
because we're doing a whole Luna New Year thing tonight.
It's fine.
The question is from "Jules."
"I'm a quarter of Chinese myself.
So I'm always curious how parents approach raising kids
with different cultures, especially since us quarters
don't always show our mixed heritage
on our faces as we grow older."
It's a really, really interesting question.
From our perspective, because we're two parents
who don't share biology with our child.
However, we very much are one family.
And we would like to add to our family in the future
in a way that isn't necessarily to do with biology.
Adoption is something we'd very much like to look into.
We see culture as being part of our family as a unit.
When you're a mixed race family,
you can't always know for sure how your children
are going to take parts of those genes.
Like genes aren't 50/50 the way that we're taught in school.
It's not that, you know, your dad has black hair
and your mom has blonde hair.
And therefore you get brown hair
because that's a mix of the two.
It's very much like Skittles, right?
Like your dad is blue Skittles and your mom is red Skittles,
and they just get thrown into a pot.
And someone gives you a handful of those Skittles.
It won't be exactly half and half.
So what that means is, and what we've seen
from our own families around us is
that children don't always show on their faces
the cultures that they are part of.
But that doesn't mean that they're any less a part of that.
And we wouldn't want our children to feel that way.
So my family are English and Swedish,
and Claudia's family are English and Malaysian.
And so our family are an English, Swedish,
and Malaysian family.
And so that's how we culturally live with our children.
Children, we have one.
That's how we cultural live with our child.
And those are the kind of cultures that we celebrate.
And when we have milestones, we celebrate them
in the ways that relate to those cultures.
If that makes sense.
And it wouldn't necessarily make sense for us to think
about that purely in terms of our children look.
Like say we had randomly a very blonde child.
That wouldn't be the child that gets to be
at the forefront of all of like the Swedish stuff.
'Cause we're like "Blonde child go."
It's very much like we are a whole family.
We do everything together,
and we very much want them all to know
where they come from, who they are,
and to feel a really strong sense
of their cultural identity.
"Paula Allan" says "Happy Luna New Year.
How was it taking your first flight
since the pandemic arrived?
How was it flying as a family,
and did Roo deal with the changing pressure on the flight?"
Well, taking my first flight
since the pandemic arrived was a thing.
I've developed a little bit of agoraphobia
related to the lockdown and the pandemic.
I talked about it in this Instagram post here,
which is my Instagram.
Follow my Instagram if you don't already,
@jessicaoutofthecloset.
So obviously for me, this was a very big deal going abroad,
but it felt like a really good step.
And in many ways I felt much freer
and more able to do things.
I think because I was in an unfamiliar environment
it felt like very much like a fresh start.
I felt much safer because it was like,
"Okay, I've come here. Someone has told me the rules."
I'm like "Brilliant. I know what to do."
Whereas when we're here in Brighton, when we go to,
like we had to go to the shopping center
to get our booster jabs.
And I'm like, "I know this shopping center.
I've come here for the last eight years.
And the last two years, every time I've come,
there's been like a different rule.
And I don't know what the rules are right now.
And it's really freaking me out and oh my God,
what do I do? Oh my gosh." (panicked sounds)
And that's the thing that is for me, really freaking me out
and I'm finding quite hard to deal with.
And then that makes me find being around strangers,
and being in crowds quite different.
It's just that I don't know the rules,
and the rules keep changing.
And I'm like, ah, and then I'm relying really heavily
on Claudia to tell me what to do and what's okay.
And in fact, while we were abroad
the rules changed again in England.
I was like "Amazing, brilliant."
In many ways, yeah.
Being out there did feel much, much better.
It was also quite nice to be in an airport
where everyone's like wearing their masks,
and very following the rules, going on the lines.
I was like, ooh.
Yeah, haven't really gone out anywhere
since we've come back
because I've just had a migraine for four days.
Which I think was a pressure change thing
which relates to your question.
I think Rupert dealt with the pressure change
better than I did.
On the plane he breasted, on takeoff and landing,
which we've been told beforehand would really help his ears.
'Cause obviously he doesn't know
to swallow a lot when the plane is going up and down.
And so no issues there, he was excellent.
For our flight, he slept for 40 minutes of it
on the way there, and was just really chill.
And we read books. It was brilliant.
The way back, he slept for an hour and a half,
ate some snacks, played with some toys.
He's a very calm child.
On the way back though, he did decide
that the lady behind us would love a game of peek-a-boo.
She did in fact, enjoy the game quite a lot,
perhaps not for the full half hour
that he wished to play with her, my God.
But he kept being like. (chuckles)
And she was like, (imitates laughing),
and even got her husband involved.
She got some people in another row involved.
"This baby loves me."
It's like, "He loves everyone lady.
I'm really sorry to break it to you."
I didn't tell her that, I did not tell her that.
You just don't tell people.
You're just like "You, it's you, it's you, he loves you.
He doesn't take to anyone the way he takes
to you plane lady. It's you."
Okay, "Tiffany" says, and this is actually
a really, really great question
that actually relates to my day yesterday.
"What is something you've learned
about your partner from their parenting?
Generally, people tend to inward focus
on their own growth, but it's always lovely
to recognize the development in others.
Hoping everyone's doing well and staying healthy."
That's such a sweet question, Tiffany.
Like, that's really lovely.
My goodness.
So last night we were giving Rupert a bath,
and Claudia turned to me and was like
"I always thought that you'd be a really gentle mother,
but it's really nice to see it."
And I actually cried a bit and I was like,
"Oh, thanks. That's really nice."
She's like, "Yeah, no, you're just really sweet,
and kind and patient with him."
I was like, "Oh my gosh."
I think one thing that I have
that she touched on was patience because nothing bores me.
Like, I'll just sit for hours with him.
But then the things that I've noticed about her,
which was your actual question,
is how like capable she is, which is very odd to say
because obviously she is. It's Claudia.
Like when has she not been capable? Never.
This girl, she gets it done.
I'm never gonna forget her mowing the lawn the day
before she gave birth.
The most Claudia moment you've ever seen.
Anything that happens, she can just jump in,
and deal with a situation in the most wonderful way.
Like nothing phases her.
Rupert and Claudia are really well matched personalities.
They're both the same kind of like chill person
who is incredibly independent,
and driven to do their own little thing.
And they both kind of respect that in each other,
but sometimes they will squabble
with each other about their independence.
So he'll be like, "Excuse me no.
I wish to put this on myself."
And she'll be like, "You can't do up buttons.
What are you gonna do?"
And he'd be like, "Try, I will try and do buttons."
She's like, "Okay, then. Do it."
And they just have this face off.
And I'm like, "What are you guys doing?"
I just cannot wait for this to grow.
And to see this as a small child.
I would just like to add that Claudia cooks
the most amazing food.
She's absolutely killing it in the mom food department.
Her mom must have been the most amazing cook
because we are being treated to delicacies.
And that child eats like a king.
He's seven months old and he eats like a king.
Like Hainanese chicken rice is starting.
He's getting hot pot tonight.
We did not eat this well before he was born.
Last question is from "LunaSprite."
"Lun8rSprite."
"Happy Luna New Year.
How has the communication with sign language
been going with the little baby?
What sign language words has he learnt so far?"
Oh, well, very sweetly.
He's been working on trying to say "mama,"
because it's quite similar to a lot of other words.
So you've got "mama" and then you've got "more,"
which is as you can see, if you're a baby,
that's a bit confusing.
And you're just gonna kind of smack some stuff around,
you know? Oh, and then you've got "change."
It's a whole thing.
So for a while, It was just a lot of. (smacking sounds)
But the other night, when we back from Tenerife,
he was not happy. He was lying in his bed.
He was just having an absolute ball.
So he developed separation anxiety
while we were in Tenerife only relating to me.
I couldn't be more than a meter away from him.
And I wasn't allowed to turn around,
which is quite, quite limiting.
Not with Claudia though. She was fine.
She could go and swim.
And when we came back and put him down to bed in his room,
he was like, "No, no."
And he was really crying,
and we looked on the monitor and for the first time
he was perfectly signing "mama, mama, mama, mama."
I'm going in. I'm going in.
Right. I've gotta go.
Had to go in, had to go in.
And he was fine.
I just signed him a story, and he went back to sleeps.
He was fine.
And yeah, so since then he can do "mama."
He does "mummy."
He does "milk" when he wants milk.
He will do either "nappy" or "change."
It kind of depends.
If he wakes up and he has something in his nappy,
he'll do like "poo" to tell you
that he needs his nappy changed.
But if he's about to need his nappy changed,
then he'll signal that way.
Which is more like, "Take this nappy off me immediately.
I would like it taken off."
And that change is more just like,
"I would like this nappy changed now. It's good. Next one."
The most adorable thing is,
because we say goodnight every night
by saying, "I love you."
He now, when he falls asleep,
he gets really dozy and he's like.
He does like a little babble in sign language.
He's like, and that's how he falls asleep.
I die. It's too cute.
But yeah, his style language is really,
really coming along quite often
when he sort of wants to communicate with us.
He really intensely will be like.
Like, "Does this mean anything to you? I don't know."
So it's his way of kind of babbling
in the same way that little babies
like say random things, they kind of sign babble.
And when he's finished eating, he wants his little wipe.
So he does this to say "finished."
And then you have to hand him his little,
we have little reusable wipes,
and you give him the wipe and he's like.
Kills me. God, he's too cute.
But yeah.
So the best way that we found
to kind of teaching him sign language,
and be learning sign language is just
to be signing around him when it's just the three of us.
And of course I sign all books to him.
He's read a lot of Spot over and over and over again.
So there you go.
I hope that answers some of your questions.
Lovely to have a little chat with you.
Let me know if there are any other things
that you kind of want answered, or to expand on.
It might actually be really interesting
to turn some stuff into shorts, maybe.
I do ramble though.
So how am I gonna fit that into a 15 second short?
Who knows?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this video,
and just spending some time catching up.
If you're new here, don't forget to subscribe,
and click the like button.
And thank you so much to the members
of The Kellgren-Fozard Club for supporting me,
supporting the channel, and helping me to be able
to do what I love.
And give you guys fun content to watch as well.
And I should see you in the next video.
(kiss sound) Bye. (peaceful music)