- Oh, yeah, just one sec, I'm sending a text.
So, it seems to me like people are going overboard
with their cell phones these days.
Like, people always have their phones in their hands.
And it's usually at inappropriate times.
And it seems to be messing up society.
Like, think about it.
How many times have you been walking down the street,
texting away at someone,
and you bump into another person?
Uh huh, more than once.
Now, there are a lot of things that people are doing
that they shouldn't be doing with their phones these days,
but I came up with a list of what I feel
are the most important things
that people need to stop doing with their phones.
In case it wasn't obvious enough, already.
Let's call it texting etiquette.
When you're with another person,
pay attention to that person and not your phone.
Never compose a text message
when you're in face-to-face conversation
with another person.
If you do that, it's going to make the other person
feel like your phone is more important than they are,
which could lead to an undesired outcome.
- So, I won this sweet showerhead playing Five Card Draw,
and it's got so good, like, water pressure
that is like 10 times better.
Are you listening to me?
Matt!
Matt! Matt!
Matt?
- Wow, that escalated quickly.
Don't freak out if you send someone a text message
and they don't reply to you right away.
That person could have their cell phone off or be busy,
and sending them multiple text messages
to get their attention is not a good idea.
You could really annoy them, or worse.
Oh man, this movie is supposed to be amazing.
I'm turning off my phone for this one.
(ominous music)
♫ La la la la la la la la la la la la ♫
- Oh, man, that was such a good movie.
Should we rent another?
- Yeah, man, for sure.
Let me just turn my phone on
and see if I got any text messages.
(explosion)
Looks like someone needs a new smartphone.
Be very careful of your tone when composing a text message.
It's extremely difficult for the person receiving the text
to determine what tone you intended when you composed it,
so it's best to avoid things like sarcasm.
Sara, I have a confession.
I sort of kissed another girl.
Do you forgive me?
- What?
Oh yeah, it's no problem at all.
In fact, I'm so glad you did.
What?
Oh yeah, it's no problem at all.
In fact, I'm so glad you did.
- Really? Awesome!
Thanks for being okay with it.
(screams)
See what happens?
Don't text while driving.
Believe me, the last thing you wanna do
is get into an accident all because you wanted to send
someone a winky face.
("Thrift Shop" by Macklemore)
It's important to remember that text messages
are informal, so keep the message casual.
Text messaging shouldn't be used to dump
your girlfriend or boyfriend, or send important news.
The casual nature of a text message
diminishes the strength and meaning of the message.
Yeah man, I met this chick the other night.
Like, we've been seeing other, but man,
I don't know, it doesn't even matter, man.
I get so many chicks.
- Dude, how do you get all these girls?
- Man, ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
You know what, I'll break up with her right now.
Hey girl, I'm bored with you, peace.
- [Both] Yeah.
- What?
- Okay, well maybe the importance doesn't always
get diminished through a text.
So, that's it.
Some of you really need to chill out with your phone,
because you probably do all the things I just mentioned.
But, believe me, I get it.
There's a billion apps in the app store.
It's tempting as hell.
But just remember, you control your phone,
not the other way around.
That's it, that's all I have.
Bye.
Count three in your head and look up.
- Okay.
(laughter)
- Shit, how should we do this? - [Man] Or, tap your foot
three times.
- Cool, that should work.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, we'll do one more, a different conversation.
Thumbnail.
- Swag. (laughter)