Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier
and welcome to 'Ragdoll Runners'.
Now, I don't know much about this game..
but looking at it,
it looks a lot like QWOP
and I don't know if its gonna be EXACTLY like QWOP
But I do know for a fact that I'm bad at QWOP
So I know I'm gonna be bad at this too...
But, you know in all fairness
I don't wanna unleash my skill in too big of a burst
so I'm just gonna take the tutorial to-
Ohh gahd...Noo...
It IS QWOP...
Ohh it's SO QWOP..
Hang on.
Ahh!
Ohh!
Ohh it's elegant!
Wait this isn't right...
Release the key..
Huh?
Oh...oh!
Ok...
Eeh, oh, eeh, oh, eeh, oh, eeh,
oh, eeh, oh, eeh, OH! EEH! OH! EEH!
EEOH! EEH!
Ooh~
Eeh, oh, eeh!
Oh!
Wait-
Eeh...
Oh...
(screaming)
NEGH
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that!
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that,
or any of that...
or any of that
In whatever way, I'm not gonna be able to do that!
Oh my gawd!
You can play against people?
Oh, why didn't anybody tell me about this!?
I didn't know about this!
Oh my go-- Oh I'm not gonna win!
AHH!! You'll never beat me!
You'll NEVER beat meh!
Oh shit!
Oh gawd dammit!
Eh...eh....
Oh- Ooooh~
AhHhH. Did I do it?
YEAAH!
CELEBRATION!
Maybe.
Man that was...that was a lot more challenging than I thought it'd be.
Ok let's analyze the replay...
Oh you see there?
I was a little light off the go and I had a Daisy chained
"Dadily-dook" start
and that didn't do nothing for me.
Alright...so uh...
Let's try-- Let's try a lot of the events first.
Ah ha!
Ah...
Why am jum-- I'm jumping?
Why am I-- I'm jumping high.
That's- that's not the way that this is supposed to go.
Ah come on!
Don't jump!
Stop yumping!
*Silence*
*yelps*
Tuck n' Roll!
Did I do it?
*Silence*
I did it! I don't know how I did it, but I did it!
I did it!
I don't know how I did it but I did it!
*Silence*
*Sings* OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH K!
Ok...
Yeah! Alright!
I skipped a level because I was so good at it!
Oh man this never happens to me!
Usually when I walk into a room people shun
and...get angry and then...
start beating me...
and then insulting me...
take my lunch money....
Alright 60 meters.
*Long silence*
Oh oh oh oh! We're on! Oh oh!
I wasn't even saying anything I was concentrating so hard.
Ehh
Ok we gotta-
Heh. Oh fuck!
Oh no! No! NO! He's a leaping bunny
of majestic proportions
Ah fuck I got out of rhythm. Goddamnit that tutorial didn't teach me dick
Ahh FUCK I got outta rhythm!
God dammit that turturial didnt teach me dick!
Ehh
Oh fuck
Ahh fuck
Ahhh
COME ONNNNNN!
GOOOOOO!!
eh
Hyuh
GEIHH
GOOO
GEIHH
GHAAAAAW
Ahh shit balls and ass tits!
aghk
No I dont wanna see the replay!
*Mark grunts in effort*
Ohhh...
God Dammit!
This is worse than before!
OHHH I HATE THIS!
OHHHH I HATE THIS!
Oh every part of me hates this!
What do you mean 'boo'?
I'm doing the best I can!
I don't understand how ANYONE would be good at this.
OHH I did better than my personal best though, but not yet
there's always room for improvement.
egh egh
God dammit I can't loop back the-
BLAAAH!
Fuck, again!
*Stutter* I did, ugh
Ok (x5)
NOO DON'T JUMP! DON'T JUMP!
Stop yumping!
OHH GOD NO! I SWITCHED FEET!
AHHHHH!!
Heh heh...
Ah! Yeah! (x3)
DON'T YUMP!
Don't you- YEAAAHH!!!
I did it!
Yeah! I DID IT!
I'M A WINNER! YEAH!
I FEEL GOOD!
I don't feel good, I don't feel good at all...
I feel like...sick to my stomach.
Oh man...
OHHH we did it...
I don't wanna do the 100 meter.
How in the hell am I am be able to do the hundred meter
How in the hell am I will be able to do the hundred meter?
Ohh boy...
Alright, here we go...
Eh
Come on, come on, get some traction dammit!
GET SOME GOD DAMN TRACTION!
THERE we go...
Here we go (x2)
Here we go!
WHAAA! AH (x4)
There we go (x2)
DON'T YUMP! STOP YUMPING!!
STOP YUMPING YOU BITCH!
Ahh, there we go!
This what-- get the scoop action!
GET THE SCOOP ACTION!
GET THE SCOOPIN!
OH MY GAHD!
WOOOO!! LOOK AT ME GO!
Holy shit!
FUCK...I fucked it-
I got cocky and I fucked it...
Aurrghh I fucked it all up...
Heh...*small sounds of effort*
Ok, god dammit I did good!
...at first, and then I did terribly.
We did it though and that's all that matters.
There's no way in hell I'd be able to get the world record of 8.85 seconds, that's faster than..
That's faster than anyone can do.
Woo! Yeah you, stop celebrating over there you didn't do jack dick!
Alright
Now the long jump? Oh god why?
I'm not gonna be able to do that...I don't even know how to jump!
Ok, here we go!
*More intelligible noises*
Okay
*even more noises*
Oh Jesus!
AUUGGGHHH JUMP!
AUUGGH!
OH COME ON I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO JUMP!! *You've been jumping this whole time!*
I DON'T KNOW HOW I BROKE MY ASS!
I GOT AN ACHIEVEMENT FOR BREAKING MY ASS BONE!
Fuck!
Alright, whatever.
Wait, what am I do-- what is this?
Alright, you know what? I need as much speed as I can
I'm not gonna get much...
Woah, woah holy shit!
Look at me go!
Wahh I fucked it!
YES!
Oh I TRIED to tuck in...
Did I do it?
I did it! YEEEAAHHH!
I DID IT!
I don't know how I did it but I did it! OK.
I did pretty dang good look at me go all slow motion like-
Ooooh right on the step!
I did...wonderfully!
If only I had tucked my feet in I would've done a lot better...
WOOAAH!
Number 4?
The triple jump?
I can barely jump once how am I gonna be able to triple jump?
*Mark noises*
No, that's not the right way to go about that...
No, that's not the right way either...
Heh.
Ohhhhh fuck-
*Mark spouts angry noises*
Gaaahhhh FUCK!
I FUCKED IT UP!
AHH I DID A FRONT FLIP!
Fuck that shit!
GOD DAMMIT!
*Lisp* Son of a-- Stop HUMPING MY FACE!
BITCH.
This time with less...douche.
I've got a lot of douche...stored up in meh.
GRUNDLE!!!
ONE. A TWO-HOO-HOOOO!
A THREEEEE!
A hohoho- god dammit!
I mean...It's...it's ok, but I feel like I-I did a single long jump as good as that.
OK...
Hurdles?!
Hurdless??!
Hur-- hurdles?
Ohh boy...
Oh boy (x2)
Oh, I ju- AH GOD DAMMIT I FUCKED IT UP!!
AAAAAHHH! FUCKED IT UP!
FUCKING COCK!
OHHH WHY??
Fucking-
Shit why can't I get any god damn momentum again? What is THIS?
Oh my god it's fast though-
Holy shit that was fast!
YEAAHH! I found the secret technique!
It's like Naruto running...except I do it with my face first.
Hop! Nope.
Ah shit-
Cock! WELL THAT SUCKED!
*Jizzes* Alright let's try it again...
OK...
So far so goo-
I mean not goo- OH FUCKING CAAAHHCCKK!
I fucked it! I fucked it I fucked it I fucked it I fucked it!
I'M NOT GONNA FUCK IT ANYMORE!
*more noises of effort*
Oh shit!
(Here it comes...) OH GOD DAMMIT COME ONNN!
STOP GOING UP IN THE AIR AND FUCKING GO FORWARD YOU FUCKING FUUUUUUUUCCCCKKK!!!
What the-- I-- I don't understand...
how I suddenly...can't fucking run...
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!????
JUST FUCKING GOOO!! WHAT THE FUCK??!!
*high pitched* WHAT THE FUCKK??!! (x2)
JUST FUCKING GO!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
FUCK OFF WITH YOUU!
WHAT THE FUCCKK??
Did anyone remember Mark raging in Vanish?
He's re-enacting his Vanish rage right now, this time with his hand on his forehead.
oh shit here's him recovering in the next part
I'm sorry...
I lost my cool a little bit there...
That was the most frustrating thing I've ever done in my entire life.
I am not exaggerating. That was literally the most frustrating thing I've ever seen in my life.
And here I go again...
*thrust* come on...
Come on...
AHHH!!
Fucking come on...
OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDD! (x2)
Yeah! That was something!
That was something that resembled NOT sucking ASS.
GOD, you almost made it, huh?
But you didn't quite make it because the entire first half of the god damn race
you were too busy sucking everyone else's dick!!
*sigh of frustration*
*thrust*
OH MY GOOODDD (x6)
I FUCKING HATE THIS-- GOD DAMMIT!
Holy shit...
wha- ehh-
eH-
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*very deep and angry sigh*
How am I doing worse every time?
I'm doing literally worse...
Every time I go AFTER this thing I'm doing worse!
What the fuck?!
OH MY GOODDD!
(jumping) No! You were off to such a good start!
WHAAATTT??
WHAAATTT?
WHAAATTT??
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
(offscreen) OH MY GOD!
(fap fap fap) OH MY GOD!
Ohh...
I can't take this...I can't do it.
This is not an exaggeration.
I'm not fucking do anything...
Holy shit!
I can't fucking take this!
I literally...cannot fucking take this...
This is...ridiculous...
Ohh my god-- are you kidding me?! Why?!
Why?!
I don't get-- WHYY??!!
WHYYY??!!
(pitch raising) WHHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!!!
Ohh my god...
HOL-- I fucking ca--
(offscreen) FUUUUCK! OH MY GOD!
Oh my God, I can't-
AH! Teach me again. What the fuck do you do?!
(close your eyes) Oh, oh, oh! Oh! OH! Oh--
No, NO, NO...
(throws headphones off) No, no, no, no! NO! NO!
FUCK IT! NO! FUCK YOU, NOOO!
I'm done.
I'm done with this FUCKING game.
I'm done, I wi-- No, I will not, I was having a good
(voice crack) time.
(angry monotone) I was having a good fucking time.
(angry monotone) I was having a GREAT time playing the game
(angry monotone) and then you throw that BULLSHIT at me.
(angry monotone) I am fucking done...you guys don't get it, it's infuriating.
(angry monotone) What's the number one thing I hate?
(angry monotone) Bad controls.
(angry monotone) I fucking HATE that.
(angry monotone) GOOD GOD!
*sighs*
(angry monotone) I don't have the patience to be good at you!
So...
Anyway, we're all done here, I just screamed my entire voice out.
I didn't wanna do that because I wanted to record more,
but I guess I'm DONE because every once in a while, the burning hatred in my soul
manifests itself as a game, and it's this bullshit!
Fuck you!
Fuck this game!
Actually, specifically fuck the hurdles.
Everything else was fine up until then, I was having a fine time...fuck the hurdles.
Ok...
I'm gonna go relax...I'm gonna rest!
I'm gonna take it easy.
I'm never gonna play this game ever ever ever again.
So thank you everybody so much for watching
and as always I will see you...
In the next video.
of majestic proportions