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I almost... I know. I can't, uh...
(sighs) That's right!
I still haven't... Well, you get it.
It's the name of the segment. Um...
And today was a big day for us
in the "not forgetting about mother(bleep)ers" community.
Bill Cosby will stand trial for sexual assault
in Pennsylvania, as today's preliminary hearing wraps up
in the single criminal case lodged against Cosby
amid dozens of accusations of sexual assault and rape.
Yep! Fat, Perverted Albert's going to court, you guys.
Man, this is gonna be the most watched trial
of a once-beloved black celebrity since...
Yeah, I can't really think of one.
Coming up blank. Wait, you know what,
whenever, uh... whenever I draw a blank like this,
I pour myself...
(cheering and applause)
I pour myself a glass of O.J.,
just to help me to remember, okay?
Okay. Who's another once-beloved... (laughs)
black celebrity to fall in disgrace like this? Mmm.
Mmm. Nope. O.J. didn't do it.
I don't know. Mm-mm. There.
I don't know. Mm.
(chuckles)
So sad. Some people were like, "That's right, Larry.
He didn't do it." No. I was talking about the...
Okay, so what was this hearing about?
REPORTER:
and then-Temple University employee Andrea Constand
was criminal sexual assault.
Okay, now, look, we talk a lot about the failings
of the criminal justice system here, but, honestly,
Bill Cosby going to trial? That's a huge victory.
There are so many women who have come forward
whose voices were never listened to.
And if he gets to experience even a small fraction
of the humiliation these women did, I will be happy.
I know it's a little Schadenfreude,
but I will be happy. I will also be happy hearing
the court reporter attempting to read back some Cosby statements.
(mimicking Cosby sounds)
"Okay, the defense rests.
We're doing great."
And, by the way, guys,
he's once again pulling out the old Mr. Magoo defense.
REPORTER:
through the-the security, the metal detector.
-He looked like he had a bit of a... bit of an issue -Yeah.
going through there.
You got to be (bleep) me. That (bleep) can see, man.
Come on. He can see! He can see!
Trust me on this! Trust me.
Show that again, Dre! Show it again.
Show it again. Look, watch, he's gonna pull back
right before he hits it. Watch.
(stammers) See?
Even Stevie Wonder pretends he's blind better than that,
-you guys. -(groaning)
Oh, you think he's blind? Okay. All right.
I know Stevie Wonder's blind, okay?
Well, if we can't lock up Cosby behind bars,
at least we got him to walk into one. Fine.
But, believe it or not, there are still people out there
who think Cosby might be innocent.
All right. So how's that gonna go after today?
REPORTER:
reveals a cavalier Cosby.
When asked a graphic question
about a sexual encounter with another woman,
a young model, and the manner in which she pleased him,
the comedian answered, "Bingo."
Great. Now that asshole's ruined bingo for me.
If you're gonna bring up a board game,
why not
How 'bout that?
(sighs) All right. What else from Leonard Part Sick?
Bill Cosby admitted to quite a bit in 2005 and 2006
during depositions for his civil trial.
Uh, he described giving quaaludes and alcohol
to numerous women before having sex with them.
And on the night in question in this case, he said...
REPORTER (reading):
-(audience groaning) -WOMAN: What?!
(sighs heavily)
You know what I call the area
between permission and rejection? Rape.
-(laughter and groaning) -All right?
And, Cosby, if you're really so cavalier
about the women whose dignity you robbed,
then you should be somewhere
between a maximum security prison and hell.
Bingo, mother (bleep). We'll be right back.
(cheers and applause)