• From strange looking dogs to Google’s newest product, we count 16 hilarious knock-off
Chinese products.
16 - Dogs, • Ah China, the land where rice replaces
bread, chicken feet are a delectable dish and where dogs look an awful lot like Dogs.
Actually I joke, obviously these are just China’s latest breakthrough in selective
breeding.
• Ignore the Chihuahua’s freakish genetic distance from a wolf and behold the Winged-Szechuan
hound; named after the place it was made and, coincidentally, the seasoning it goes best
with.
15 – S&Ms, • When you’re done forcing your husband
to put the nipple clamps on you can get him to force feed you some naughty S&M chocolates.
‘But how is that dirty?’
you might be thinking, well my friend, there’s more than one hole to force feed on a female
body.
• Hell there’s two whole nostrils.
Nothing says kinky like snotty chocolate.
14 – Mighty Car, • You can’t get much more bad-arse than
Mr T mixed with his iconic van, with an axe and what looks like a Star Wars blaster pistol,
but the pinnacle of the bad ass comes from this, there’s a goddamn lightning bolt on
his manly neck brace.
13 - Facefood, • I mean really, where else are you going
to put your food?
Even S&Ms go in the nose, although I guess there’s always cucumbers, but that’s for
plebs too poor to afford a proper toy.
Like the Mighty Car.
12 – Punisher Dick Missile, • The punisher really is into punishing
people and what says punishment more than a working dick missile?
Nothing, that’s what, especially if you give a good thrust before ejaculating their
body parts all over the place.
11 – Pika-sponge No Pants, • Who’s that Pokémon?
Here’s a clue it lives in a watermelon under the sea, that’s right it’s pika-sponge
no pants!
The best part is that he ‘wish you have a nice day’ and that’s just sweet as a
pea.
• Although to be honest I can’t tell if this comes from china or Japan, because I’m
pretty sure that weird 3 thing is a Japanese symbol.
But good news!
It doesn’t matter since China and Japan are literally the same country!
• Let’s see how many angry weaboo comments that generates.
10 – GooPad Mini, • See you gotta pay attention to the small
text in these things, without paying attention you wouldn’t get to appreciate all the subtleties:
‘Every inch a GooPad mini’ is the best tagline ever.
• While that’s not sublte, the small blurry, but just readable ‘iPad’ in the top left
corner of the screen shows that they weren’t even willing to show off their actual product
in the ad, because that would let them know it’s actually a piece of wood with numbers
drawn on it.
9 – Daddy Day Camp, • Marvel at the genuine expression on the
Japanese man’s face compared to the American’s deliberate half-arse ‘ah!’.
This Shows the Chinese’s dedication to the bushido code of being honest.
8 – Harry Potter, • Yes this is a weird amalgam of Sonic Obama
and Harry Potter, no you’re not allowed to laugh: this is clearly a piece of political
satire and literally no one laughs at those, not even the people that pretend to, because
they’re dying a little inside when they laugh and that doesn’t count.
7 – Michaelsoft Binbows, • Since we established that China and Japan
are interchangeable, behold Michaelsoft and his Binbows.
You may only see CRT monitors from the window, but rest assured, there are buxom ladies and
a man named Michael who is in desperate need of Viagra inside.
6 – Goetze’s Caramel Creams, • Yes, someone named a candy after the infamous
gaping arsehole, yes it also has the word caramel creams and yes you’re allowed to
laugh, but only because you deserve it since you need a good one after remembering that
image.
5 - iPhone, • Man, remember back when iPhones had numeric
keypads?
Those were the good old days, back when you could play snake and bounce without worrying
about the inaccuracy of swiping on a touchscreen. 4 - Borio,
• Want a chocolate biscuit that will bore you to death but at the very least its jumbo?
Well you’re out of luck, since this is just an unfortunately named biscuit from the middle-east.
• That’s right, now the middle-east is China as well!
Man geography is easy.
Screw it, everywhere is China but the places that matter, AKA any place that speaks the
language I happen to already know.
3 - Google, • Google’s new paper towels are as benevolent
as its internet practices!
Instead of cutting down trees and killing the planet, they’re made out of the renewable
substance: virgins, but not the pretty ones, so don’t worry.
2 – Apple Stoer, • This might be my favourite one, because
they managed to write store properly there on the bottom left, but couldn’t get it
right where It’s most prominent.
I just genuinely hope this isn’t a knock-off and China’s apple really did just release
a store full of ‘geniuses’ that can’t spell ‘store’.
1 - WRGLEYS • I don’t think these people even tried,
I mean they transposed the L and the I, how on earth do you even do that?
They’re in two different words, although the spacing would have you believe otherwise.