-Hi.
In this video,
we're going to talk about four tips
to help you text like a pro in dating.
[music]
Hi, there.
Mat Shaffer,
your empowerment connection and relationship coach
here with four tips that are going to help you
be more effective as you're texting him
and getting to know a guy during the dating process.
There's a lot of ways that this thing goes sideways.
There's a lot of ways where you can text yourself out
[chuckles] of a second date or a third date
or even a relationship.
Let's give you four tools that are going to help you text
more effectively when you want to get to know him
and really just have fun in that process.
Before we do, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button.
I'm uploading new content all the time
and I'd love to have you as a part of the tribe.
Let's dive into this.
Now tip one is very simple but very important.
In early-stage dating, texting is a tool,
not a platform to get to know someone.
I know this is very tempting because you're shy,
maybe you've just met a guy online,
or you're just getting to know him, it's very early on.
It's easy to default into texting with the guy
and trying to get to know him that way.
That is not the way to foster a deep connection with a man.
You want to save you're getting to know him
conversations about what he's into, and his hobbies,
and his passions, and his stories, and everything,
save those for when you're together
when you're with him face to face.
Texting is a tool in early-stage dating.
Think of it like you're passing a note
in class when you were a kid.
You wouldn't pass a note in class trying to have
full-blown dialogues with your classmates
or with your friends.
You would pass a note in class to tell somebody to meet you
behind the monkey bars or to ask you one question.
That's how you want to think of texting
in early-stage dating.
It's a tool to coordinate dates, to set up times,
to set up places for stuff,
to figure out when you're going to meet up
and have those deeper conversations.
It's also a great way to show and demonstrate
that you've enjoyed a date.
Just a quick text after a date with a smiley face,
letting him know that you had fun,
and you look forward to seeing him again.
Along those lines,
it's a really powerful tool for flirting
but in very light discreet ways.
You don't want to get locked into a deep texting dialog
in the early stages of dating.
You don't want to get into that pattern.
You want to save those deeper conversations
for the in-person conversations that you two are,
hopefully, having on a regular basis.
In early-stage dating,
use texting as a tool rather than a platform
to get to know somebody and you'll have much better results
and a much deeper more meaningful connection
with your partner.
You'll be less likely to burn him out or push him away
by over texting him in the early stages of dating
which is something that a lot of women
have a tendency to do.
Tip two now is don't make assumptions
around his response times or the manner or style
that he responds in terms of text.
Don't make assumptions around this.
So often women project, right?
Women project, and not just women, but men too,
but women particularly, have a tendency to project around,
"Well, he waited three hours to text me back,"
or, "I sent him a paragraph and he only sent me back
one sentence."
That's very easy to have that be considered a threat,
to have that activate and trigger you,
and have you put your walls up and maybe shut down
and pull away from a guy.
I would invite you to not necessarily,
don't automatically just project and jump to a conclusion
around the way he texts or the timing of how he texts.
Maybe he's busy,
maybe he doesn't enjoy texting
as a primary form of communication,
maybe he's not a long-winded texter,
or maybe he just doesn't really enjoy texting at all.
Until you know him fully,
don't lead to conclusions about his texting.
Take everything with a grain of salt and roll with him
on that and don't jump to conclusions
or make assumptions around it.
Sound good? Good.
That brings us to tip three that in later dating
as you get into the middle and later stages
of getting to know somebody and getting into a relationship
with them, texting is like a dance.
It's a dance,
and that you get to find out
your partner style and your style,
and then you two get to move together as two people would
when they were dancing.
Sometimes someone leads,
sometimes the other person follows but you two adapt
and adjust and use texting as a way
of deepening your connection and make it very unique
to your relationship.
Not every relationship is going to have
the same kind of texting dynamics so figure out
your partner's needs and what kind of intimacy they want.
Maybe they're a once-a-day texter,
maybe they like being in an ongoing banter with you all day.
I don't know.
It's getting to know what your partner wants
and what he likes and then reaching a midpoint
that's comfortable for both of you because if you,
maybe you're more of an anxious attachment style
and you want to have him connecting with him more often
and you want to have more texting
and he's very much pulled back in terms of texting,
find a middle ground that works for both of you.
Texting shouldn't be something that is causing you
a lot of anxiety or feels like a burden to him.
That's oftentimes, I think, what happens in relationship
and that's when partners haven't communicated their needs
and their preferences in terms of texting clearly
with each other.
If you do that,
as you enter this middle stage in dating and texting
becomes a very standard type of communication
between the two of you,
really get clear on how much you like to text
and how much he likes to text and then find a middle ground
that works and is easy for both of you.
Last, the fourth tip,
and by far the most important one is never,
and I repeat this,
never have serious deep confrontive dialogues over text.
Do your best to not have fights over text.
[chuckles]
If there's a major issue that you want to bring up,
a confrontation that you want to have
or that's important for you,
do not broach the subject over text.
Use texting to set up and coordinate a time for you two
to talk about it face to face.
Texting leaves way too many things open to interpretation.
It's much more likely to trigger your partner
if you bring up a major conversation over text.
By all means, do not break up with someone over text.
[chuckles]
I've experienced that in my own life or I had someone
tell me that they had met somebody else and wanted
to see them and they told me that over text message.
I was like, "Oh, my gosh.
Literally, you couldn't have picked a worse medium."
I'd rather have gotten an email [chuckles]
than a text message about something like that.
Really do your partner the courtesy.
If you want to have any kind of deep confrontive dialogue
about anything,
use texting to set up a time to coordinate with them
and you'll have a much better outcome both for you
and for them because those conversations
require a dynamic back-and-forth exchange
that works a lot better if you can see your partner's face.
Sound good?
All right.
Those are four tips that are going to help you
get better results with texting in relationship.
I hope it resonated with you.
If it did, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and I will see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.