♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY
INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW
NOOCHLT ♪
YOU WOULD SEE THE BIGGEST GIFT
WOULD BE FROM ME ♪
♪ AND THE CARD ATTACHED WOULD
SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING A
FRIEND ♪
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I BELIEVE I PURCHASED
EVERYTHING.
>> THIS IS ALL JUST CIGARETTES.
WHERE'S EVERYTHING ON THE LIST I
GAVE YOU?
>> I NODDED OUT IN THE DAIRY
AISLE.
>> I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND LIKE
WHY YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO BE ON
RECREATIONAL MORPHINE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT
YOU GUYS ARE THROWING ME THIS
63rd BIRTHDAY/DIVORCE/KNEE
SURGERY PARTY.
>> YOU'RE 77 YEARS OLD.
YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED EIGHT TYPES
AND YOU'RE HAVING KNEE SURGERY
IN AND AROUND YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY, QUHR WE GOING TO WRAP THIS
UP?
I NEED TO BE IN BED BY 5:00.
BY 5:30 I'M GOING TO BE DREAMING
OF TOM HARDY LICKING PUDDING OFF
HIS DENTURES.
>> IT'S 5:00 NOW.
>> THEN TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.
>> GET BACK HERE.
>> CAN I JUST SAY?
I LOVE BEING ABLE TO CELEBRATE
WITH ALL OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
AND JESSA.
WHICH DRESS DO YOU LIKE BETTER?
>> DEFINITELY THE SLEEVELESS,
IT'S SO MODERN YET CLASSIC.
>> SHE CAN'T WEAR THE
SLEEVELESS, THE SKIN IN HER PITS
IS DRAGGING LABIA BEFORE IT
DISCOVERED COCONUT OIL, WHICH BY
THE WAY REALLY DOES DO
EVERYTHING.
>> THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO AN
SECRET.
I AM COMPLETELY HUMILIATED.
YOU MAY HAVE FINALLY DONE IT,
YOUNG LADY.
>> OKAY, COME ON, GIVE IT UP,
YOU SLAG.
>> OH, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
YOU GUYS KNOW ARNAZ?
>> OH, YEAH, HE'S THAT SOME-HIP
90-YEAR-OLD THAT PLAYS
EXPERIMENTAL MANDOLIN ON BINGO
NIGHT.
>> WE WERE WORKING ON MUSIC LAST
NIGHT AND -- WE HIT IT.
>> HIT IT?
THAT IS SOMETHING -- AM I
SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS?
>> YOU'RE DAFT, THAT'S WHEN A
MAN MAKES LOVE TO YOUR ARMPITS.
>> EWW!
>> IT'S A BURGEONING TREND IN
SENIOR LIVING, I WROTE A PIECE
FOR THE NEWSLETTER WORD IS
HERPES IN THE TENNIS CLUB WAS
LITERALLY FIERY.
>> IT'S AMAZING YOU HAD A TEST
CASE RIGHT HERE IN THE HOUSE.
>> IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
HE TOLD ME IT WAS BEDSORES.
WHO WAS I TO OBJECT?
>> IT'S OKAY, HONEY.
FRANKLY I'M SURPRISED IT TOOK
YOU TO LONG TO GET IT.
HERPES SO IS BAKE.
>> WE ALL GOT IT, FRONT AND
BACK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO WEAR THE DAMN
SLEEVELESS DRESS.
ESPECIALLY IF IT'S JUST THE FOUR
OF US.
>> ACTUALLY, THERE IS ONE MORE
PERSON COMING.
OH, THAT'S THE STRIPPER.
>> STRIPPER?
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING.
>> THEY PREFER TO BE CALLED
SENSUALITY ARTISTS.
STRIPPER IS NOT A VERY --
>> DOOR'S OPEN!
>> HANNAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WHAT, I GOT OF UTI, WET
DIAPER, I'M AIRING IT OUT.
>> CAN YOU DO THAT SOMEWHERE
NECESSARILY.
>> EXCUSE ME FOR LIVING OUT
LOUD.
>> HELLO, LADIES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SAUSAGES HERE AND YOU'RE ALL
UNDER -- MOM?
>> HAMPTON?
>> MOM, WHEN I'M WORKING IT'S
OFFICER SAUSAGE.
>> OH, YEAH, HE TOTALLY HAS YOUR
BUTT.
>> HAS EVERYONE FULLY FORGOTTEN
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY?
HELLO, HANDSOME.
>> HI.
>> WELL.
I'M GOING TO EAT THIS WHOLE
CHEESECAKE IN HOPES I FALL INTO
A DIABETIC COMA SO I CAN FORGET
MY SON JUST CAME OVER TO SHOW ME
HIS MEMBER.
CHEESECAKE, TAKE THE WHEEL.
>> HEY, FLAT DUMPSTERS.
I'VE GOT ENSURE AND ECSTASY, WHO
WANTS TO PARTY TILL WE CRAP
OURSELVES?
>> I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT
AGAIN.
>> OFFICER SAUSAGE?
>> IS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BY
THE FACT THAT ELIJAH HASN'T AGED
EVEN A LITTLE?
>> I TOLD YOU BITCHES, IT'S I'LL
OF OLAY AND BOXED WINE, DID ANY
OF YOU EVEN TRY IT?
>> LISTEN.
I PAID FOR A STRIPPER TO CHOP
CHOP AT THE DANCE, SONNY.
>> I'LL TOSS IN AN EXTRA 100 FOR
THE ARMPIT STUFF.
>> I CAN'T.
I CAN'T.
I'VE FALLEN.
LIFE ALERT?
>> YEAH!
>> I'VE FALLEN, I'M COMPLETELY
OVERWHELMED, IF SOMEONE COULD
MAKE CONTACT WITH MY PARENTS?
♪
>> 80 IS THE BEST!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, LENA.
LENA DUNHAM, EVERYONE.
THE BEST.
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