- To meme or not to meme?
That is the question.
And before we get started, huge thank you to Audible
for sponsoring this video.
Pee-woop!
Bone.
Btwohundredandsix. (laughs)
Oh.
See, I'm getting quicker catching up on these memes.
By the way, you have way more bones than that
when you're born 'cause you're a baby,
it's a cartilage, it ossifies, turns into bone,
they fuse and you get 206, I think from 312.
Fact-check that.
I just realized I do yoga every day.
13 is my favorite position.
Actually, I'm totally making that up.
I have never fallen asleep like 13.
The people who fall asleep on their back
with their arms by them sides scare me.
Because who sleeps like this? (snores)
Dr. Mike does an operation.
Patient's credit card declines.
Dr. Mike be like,
"So you have chosen to die of chest compressions."
I only do chest compressions when the heart declines.
To beat.
Saw that? That was a dad joke.
When your boss asks
for proof you're in the hospital. (laughs)
So this patient is experiencing
what's known as Apple-Nose syndrome.
On his hand there, that is actually not an IV,
that's the charging port.
This patient is suffering from low battery,
and unless you get them to a wall stat,
we will not be able to defibrillate him.
The head bone's connected to the neck bone, facts.
The neck bone's connected to the neck bone, facts.
The neck bone's connected to the neck...
Are they gonna just name all the cervical structures?
There are seven cervical vertebrae. (claps)
And remember, you should always stop CPR
after the second ouch from the patient.
You should stop on the first ouch.
CPR is meant to be done
on patients whose hearts have stopped,
patients who are no longer breathing,
they're pulseless, and they're unconscious.
'Cause conscious patients have a pulse.
When you drink all of the milk.
I don't know what...
No, that's cancer. This is a...
No, this is cancer, osteosarcoma.
Who decided that skeletons are scary
because honestly, I'd be more scared
if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.
Have you ever been to the bodies exhibit?
There's like muscles all over the place.
Have you seen the muscles of the face?
No? I'll show you.
To me, this is not so scary
'cause I know this guy can't even get around
'cause he has no muscles.
So if he floats,
I know I can just push him away, no problem.
This jacked dude is scary.
Look at this. (ominous music)
Regular back, will hurt eventually, boring, stupid bones.
Backstreet's back, all right.
(Mike gibbering)
He found it funny.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type O."
Hmm. (laughs)
Obviously, it's a rabbi and it is a typo,
but you need a dash.
See the importance of a dash?
I can give you so many examples of how important grammar is.
Check out this comma.
Apple garlic to freshly...
Wait, what?
Apple garlic to a freshly. - Apply.
- Oh, yeah. My God.
Apply garlic to a freshly opened cut or burn
to immediately intensify the pain.
Honestly, some of these life hacks are pretty much this.
Remember, taking the vegetables
off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount
of calories consumed.
This is bad health advice.
If you saw this on Twitter, run.
Doc: "How many years old are you
on a scale of one to eight?"
Kid: "It stops at eight?"
"It does for you."
God, the darkness.
And they always combine the dark meme
with the cute picture of the family
or the nice, sweet doctor just wishing well to the child.
Nurses get called out for playing cards.
Anesthesiologists, crossword puzzles.
Anesthesiologists do the weirdest stuff
while the patient is under.
Well, because sometimes
the operations take 8 hours, 10 hours.
And sometimes they do switch out,
but other times they're doing Sudoku, crossword puzzles.
I'm like, "I see you, you're smart."
"Does it look bad, doc?"
"I don't know, you're probably fine."
What is he playing?
- [Sam] I think it's LEGO Star Wars.
- LEGO Star Wars.
And the patient is not fully in the machine,
so this is kind of fake.
This would be more realistic if this radiology technician
or radiologists was playing Solitaire.
'Cause the computers are so old in the hospitals
that I don't think they could even handle LEGO Star Wars.
It would be Solitaire or Bust or Minesweeper.
Who plays Minesweeper? Let me know.
Doctor: "You can drink one glass of beer per day."
I've seen this
with all different types of beverages, no.
You have to be really careful when you're a doctor
or a nurse or health professional
asking patients questions like this.
'Cause sometimes you ask like, "Oh, how much do you drink?"
And they're, "Oh, one glass," and their glass is like this.
Back to some memes in a second, but first,
let's give a huge thank you to Audible
for sponsoring this video.
You know I'm a huge fan.
I listen to Audible every time I'm on the go,
going to the hospital, walking Bear, in the gym.
It allows me to multitask,
focus on whatever it is I'm listening to on Audible.
Right now I'm listening to such a great audiobook
by Rachel Louise Snyder called "No Visible Bruises".
It focuses on intimate partner violence
and how much we don't know about domestic violence.
To me, it was an eye-opening read,
something that I've actually learned
and started asking my patients more and more about,
so I really recommend you checking that out.
All you really have to do is go on audible.com/doctormike.
Remember, doctor is spelled out.
Or text the number 500-500 Doctor Mike spelled out.
And by signing up, you're gonna get a free 30-day trial.
Each month you're gonna get access to one free audiobook
and access to the Audible Plus Catalog,
which has guided meditations, podcast, and so much more.
The link is down below. Click it.
Let's get back to some memes.
Me brainstorming an amazing build in Sims 4.
Me actually starting to build it.
Oh my God, on my Sims video,
I didn't know you can put a whole home down.
And when Kelsey Impicciche saw this.
Okay, here we go. - It's like 3 small buildings.
Why aren't the rooms connected?
- She could have had an aneurysm.
It would have ruptured how disappointed she was with me.
When the surgeon says oops.
Honestly, the surgeon should say pee-woop
'cause if you're leaving full on scissors
in someone's abdomen, you got yourself a big problem.
I mean, look, it's happened.
We've left instruments in patient's bowels,
in patient's chest cavities.
But the reality is, we've gotten so strict
by doing a timeout with our procedures
where everyone in the room is identified,
the patient's identified,
the site of the operation's identified.
We then do a very clear count of all the instruments,
of all the sponges even that are out.
By the way, if you still see that sponge
from the "Grey's Anatomy" episode
that Legal and I night covered, I'm looking for it.
All I'm saying is #MissingSponge.
Where's the sponge?
Take me somewhere expensive. (laughs)
Most definitely expensive.
But honestly, if someone tells you
to take them somewhere expensive, that's a red flag.
If you ask someone to take you somewhere expensive
and they bring you to a hospital, also a red flag.
Don't know who's in the wrong.
Me, has veiny arms.
Hospital nurses. This is so true.
I was just sitting the other day during one of my shifts,
and my CMA's like, "Mike, you have such nice veins."
And I was like, "Is she saying I'm in shape?
Is this a flirty comment?"
Nope, she just wanted to draw some blood.
Me to my gut bacteria while taking antibiotics.
"Some of you may die
but that's a sacrifice I am willing to make."
So true.
Look, an antibiotic kills a lot of bacteria
and you have bacteria on your skin,
inside your gut, inside your eyeball.
Maybe not inside your eyeball.
I don't know, do you have bacteria inside your eyeball?
When you take antibiotics,
it doesn't choose to only go in one place.
It goes into your bloodstream,
which then gets delivered
to all different parts of your body.
Which is good, but at the same time bad
because it destroys some of the good bacteria.
You actually have good bacteria
in your gut called probiotics.
So when you destroy them, sometimes bad bacteria flourish
and you get really bad diarrhea known as C. difficile.
(crickets chirping)
Bacteria, diarrhea.
I don't know why that took so long.
Just call it C. diff.
Natural alternative to bug spray.
Find this plant and rub it on entire body.
Is that poison ivy?
This is that time where I'm like,
"Don't get your health advice from memes."
This is the meme I was talking about.
'Cause if you do this,
you will end up in my office 48 hours later
with a delayed onset autoimmune reaction
with the most painful rash.
And because the rash is created by the oily substance
that the plant releases called urushiol,
when you scratch the little rash here
and then you scratch your face here, guess what?
It's gonna happen here too, and it hurts.
This is a delayed hypersensitivity reaction
that nobody wants.
Trust me. Ouch.
Doctor: "Your body has ran out of magnesium."
Me: "OMg." (laughs)
These are good. People are getting witty.
Okay, I'm gonna use this joke somewhere.
Okay, now just sleep normally. (chuckles)
Yeah, honestly, when you go for a sleep study,
I've never personally had one, I've seen pictures,
I've seen what my patients tell me,
it's not very comfortable.
I don't think I can fall asleep comfortably
with electrodes on my head,
and maybe even like the CPAP if I need it.
"Time to test your reflexes."
Dodges the little knee hammer.
"Finally, someone got it."
Honestly, the only thing I need to dodge
when I do my reflex testing on my patients are their feet
'cause sometimes they try and keep me.
Eating probiotic yogurt while on antibiotics.
Okay, now battle.
Honestly, I tell my patients either take probiotics,
eat yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut,
something with probiotics naturally in it.
It's a smart move.
And it's not now battle, it's now replenish.
when you have a pain in your leg,
so you hit it and it goes away.
Doktor.
That shouldn't happen.
I dunno what pain...
Maybe if you were sitting
and you were cutting off circulation,
then you moved 'cause you hit your leg
and then the circulation happens.
Otherwise, that shouldn't be happening.
Doctor: "Which knee hurts?"
Me: "This knee." (laughs)
I remember with the DASANI.
I don't get it. Dasani?
Das-a-ni, oh, that's a knee.
I hope no one got a tattoo of Disney.
It looks real. It looks inflamed.
A surgeon, a plastic surgeon. (laughs)
Ready?
Oh, custom LEGO.
Sleeping next to someone you love
makes you fall asleep faster,
reduces depression, helps you live longer.
Someone, one, person, not pizza.
Although, it is warm.
What kind of prize do you give someone
who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
A trophy. (laughs)
I get it, it's so good.
For those of you who don't know,
atrophy is what happens to your muscles
when you don't use them.
Because when you don't use them, you lose them.
Whoever came up with that, genius.
Whoever came up with this meme, bigger genius.
Me finally gets eight hours of sleep.
My neck: "Yeah, but you did it wrong."
Honestly, this is me all the time.
Maybe I've always had an unknown childhood dream of mine
to become a gymnast.
Because when I am in my bed,
I wake up in such positions
that I can't imagine how I got into them.
And my neck thanks to me the next morning
by reminding me that I'm not a gymnast,
and I'm getting older, and I'm inflexible,
and I probably have spondylolysis.
Couldn't even say that 'cause my neck hurts so much.
Still single? Always.
Aw.
I wish DNA and RNA can get together,
but then it would be like a polyamorous relationship,
and there'll probably be
some cancerous mutation thing going on, so...
"Doc, it hurts when I do this."
Darthritis.
Aw, that's cute.
These are the kinds of feel-good memes I like.
Is it osteo-darthritis?
Is it rheumatoid darthritis?
Is it psoriatic arthritis?
I get too excited about these things.
In Greek mythology,
Chiron was not only half man and half horse,
he was also a doctor of medicine, much like myself.
That made him the Centaur for Disease Control. (claps)
Golf clap for that one.
How doctors text each other.
Honestly, when we had Palm Treos back in the day,
yeah, I just threw that out there,
that is how we texted each other
'cause you could hand-write on those with the little stylus.
(pen scratching)
"My dad recently got a 3D printer
and made a stool sample for his doctor."
New dad joke level unlocked.
Genuine question here, who named it a stool sample?
The toilet bowl doesn't look like a stool.
Where's the stool coming from?
"Family Guy" or Nickelodeon?
Which medical scene reactions are you watching?
As always, stay happy and healthy.
Click on them.
Click, click, click, click, click.
(upbeat music)