-Hey, everybody! The powers that be have asked me to come back
and play a new game with you folks.
Now, I'm not sure why they keep asking me back.
I told 'em, "Listen, these new games are confusing
as all get-out to me."
Anyhow, today's game is called Turbo Dismount.
Let's do it to it, guys.
Okay, we got a guy who looks an awful lot
like Orange on a skateboard here cruisin' along.
Gotta say, so far this game's great.
Oh. I popped a wheelie. How exciting.
Oh, I'm airborne! This will end poorly; I know it!
Oh! I wonder if he broke his hip. I'll tell you what.
You do NOT want to break a hip.
Makes it real tough to walk to school,
especially if it's uphill both ways like it was for me.
[chuckles]
Okay, I'm gonna land this one. I can feel it in my hip.
Might be helpful if I could see what it was
I'm peddling towards, but...
What in the Sam Hill is that big a ramp doing there?!
Aah!
And that gave me points for falling like that?
Well, my guy's not dancing now. Kinda twitching, though.
Maybe some possible nerve damage.
He should probably see a doctor.
Well, looks like we got Pear this time.
Nice car, Pear. [chuckles]
I'm not sure how to... hmm.
I keep changing his seat for some reason.
What? No! Who on Earth clings to the bumper like that?
Why is that even an option?
Is there an undo button on this thing or-- oh, well.
Look at him just wigglin' around
like some tap-dancing Spider-Man or somethin'.
Good riddance. I'm never letting that guy near a bumper again.
Oh, would you look at this? This one looks like my first car.
Well, I mean, mine had a hand crank on front
and the headlights had to be liquid candles,
but it's darn close. I have such fond memories of--
[screams] Barrel roll from out of nowhere! Oh, no!
Looks like he's fallen and he can't get up.
Hopefully he's wearing his Life Alert.
That actually reminds me, I should probably put mine on.
This video game's getting intense.
Oh, I like that paint job. [chuckles]
Who do we got in the driver's seat here? Looks like...
Is that me?
Oh. False alarm, it's Grapefruit.
Grandpa Lemon forgot his glasses today, kids. [chuckles]
Well, I think I'm starting to figure
this game out a little bit.
Seems like the bigger your crash, the bigger your score.
So here we go for a real doozy.
Oh! Jettison onto the overpass and everything!
If my skull gets run over by traffic,
does that get me extra points?
New high score! Whoo-hoo!
We're definitely watching this one again.
Up onto the overpass, nailed by traffic.
Boy, I've never been so happy to watch somebody die before.
[chuckles]
Where's your protein shakes now, Grapefruit?
The overpass is probably my favorite level.
Time to attack it with my favorite car.
Oh, don't you even think about getting on that bumper.
I don't know what button I keep hitting
for that seat-changing stuff, but I sure don't like it.
Wow, would you look at that hang time?
Good air, good traffic.
This was even better than the last one. [chuckles]
He's even mixed up like a pretzel and everything.
I bet this score's gonna be--
[gasps] It is! New high score!
I believe I will relive the replay, thank you very much.
See, when I was a kid, we didn't have seatbelts.
No, sir. Heck, we didn't even have seats till my buddy Jack
invented the seat for a middle-school science fair.
Incidentally, Jack also invented the horsebelt.
You know? For riding your horse.
That one never really caught on though.
Now that's a car I'd like to get
my nonexistent hands on right there. Plenty of space.
I mean, look at the size of that back seat.
I wish I had legs
just so I could get me some of that leg room. [chuckles]
I bet its gas mileage is horrific but-- oh!
Did you see how I catapulted my guy?
That was remarkable.
Just jettisoned him right outta there like a body bullet.
[chuckles] This game is really starting to win me over.
Heavens to Betsy, is that a semi truck?
I got to pay the semi truck before I go.
Looks like we got a-- is that a loop-de-loop ahead?
Oh, this might be my new favorite level.
Lemme at it!
This feels like something outta The Dukes of Hazzard.
And I definitely don't have the speed I need.
Nope, this is not gonna end well.
Oh, wait. I got around?
The laws of physics need not apply, folks. [chuckles]
I wonder what-- oh! It's a wall. Oh, boy.
The laws of physics really
caught up with me in the end there.
Should've worn my seatbelt.
If you had worn your seatbelt,
you wouldn't have gotten me a new high score! All right!
[chuckles] That's a cherry on top
of an already successful gaming outing if I do say so myself.
Eat your heart out, PewDiePie. [chuckles]
I'll tell ya what, kids.
When I was your age, I wasn't playing anything like this.
For me, it was just
a whole bunch of backgammon and hoop stick.
Consider yourselves fortunate.
Now, if you've got any other games
you'd like to subject Grandpa Lemon to,
just mention them in the comments below
and maybe I'll oblige. Till next time, nap on, kiddos!
[snoring]
-Hazards are getting tougher and tougher,
but I'M getting tougher and tougher too.
Go ahead and ask me if I'm scared yet.
"Little Apple, are you scared?"
to your computer screen. Say it right now.
No, I'm not scared. I'm not scared.
NOT EVEN OF THIS WATER. [holding back screams]
I'm not scared of the...