Geoffrey here in this video,
I'm going to show you the five powerful things you can do when you're in a brink
of a divorce, and you're trying to change your partner's mind and get her back.
And I really want you to stay until the end of the video,
because what I'm going to show you here are the things that no other coaches are
talking about. And it's also not the easiest thing to do as well,
but it's the same five things that all the men that I teach are doing,
and that has been working for them. I'm sure it will work for you as well.
So be sure to stay to the end here,
because I don't want you to miss any one of this five things.
And in case we haven't met,
my name is Jeffrey and I help men in longterm relationships or in marriages by
empowering them with the right skills and mindset and knowledge,
to be able to create the thriving relationship for themselves.
So if you want more videos that can help you create this thriving relationship
of your dreams,
then I want you to subscribe to this channel and click the bell button as well,
to be notified when I post new videos three times every single week.
[inaudible]
real quick. Before we begin this video,
I want to let you know that a few spots have opened up for my free masterclass
on the five proven steps to rebuilding your relationship from the ground up.
So if you want in,
on that master cost and be sure to stay till the end for the non-small and how
you can get in on that masterclass. Now,
the first point I want to make here is that you need to understand the stage
here. You need to understand what is actually happening.
Why does she want to divorce in the first place?
Because if you don't understand this,
then no other actions that you can take will really make sense to you.
And if you watch my other videos on this,
you will know why she feels hopeless right now.
And so understand first that when people are thinking about how do they feel
about the relationship today,
they're using their imagination of the future of what that relationship will
look like as a gauge, if they can paint a very positive picture,
a very hopeful picture in the future,
then they can feel good about the relationship today.
Now what determines how they imagine the future is now based on the past though.
So the past determines her imagination of the future and her imagination of the
future determines the present,
how she feels today about the relationship and the reason why she feels hopeless
today is that she cannot picture a very bright future with you specifically.
And she cannot picture a bright future with you because of all the past things
that happened,
but understand here that,
and this whole past present future look that we're having here.
These are all very emotion based.
So if you want to change your mind and winter back, you need to do two things.
One is you need to be able to change her emotions today and prove to her that
the past doesn't equal the future, or it doesn't have to equal the future.
And to not only do you have to convince her of this,
but you're convincing needs to be done on a very emotional level,
not on a logical level. So you can't just tell her for example, Hey, you know,
honey, the past doesn't equal the future. You know, I'm going to change.
I'm going to become a better person. It's going to be a bright future.
Because if you say all these things,
what you're doing is you're appealing to the logical side,
but you're not appealing to the emotional side.
So what I'm going to show you here is how you can do those two things and
actually appeal to the emotional side. So the first thing you want to do,
it's a mental shift. It's not something you do,
but it's simply a mental shift that you want to do.
And is that whenever you are finding yourself in this brink of divorce,
you want to find this within yourself to go from a place of wanting and not
needing.
So the biggest mistake I see people make when their partner tells them that,
you know what I want to divorce and they start to panic and they start to act as
if they're the ones who have everything to lose in this relationship and this
whole negotiation.
And they make this concept of saving the relationship or getting back their
partner into a strong need. But as we said,
this will cause you to do a lot of needy things, a lot of toxic things,
a lot of very controlling things that will actually sabotage your outcome.
They will actually push her away even more.
And only that it puts you in a very bad negotiating position.
It puts you in a very weak and value,
less position where it feels like you have everything to lose,
and she has nothing to lose from this troubled transaction.
And so you're not really giving her a reason to even be curious about your
changes, to even see your changes,
let alone changing her emotions about you and your future.
So if you're not wanting to come from a place of needing,
do I go with the other extreme and actually act aloof act in different? Like,
you know what a lot of coaches say, which is, Oh, just play the no contact rule.
Well, this is damaging also because if you watch my other video on this,
you know,
the thing about longterm relationship that you have to realize is that you have
a long history.
You have a long past that affects how she pictures the future.
And so if you're pretending to be indifferent,
if you're pretending to play aloof and play the no contact rule,
what happens is it shows her that you don't really understand what the true
issue is or that you don't even understand.
There is an issue in the first place.
And then you're just trying to play this manipulative game,
this childish games of playing hard to get in order to win an affection back.
And this might work in a dating sense,
but this doesn't work in the longterm relationship sense.
The right balance is between the two things here between needing and being
completed. Aloof is a fine balance here of wanting.
This is a spot when you're clearly expressing to your partner that, Hey,
I want to work on this. I want to work on myself.
I want to reconcile this marriage,
but being in a place where if push comes to shove and your partner wants to
leave and is dead set on leaving,
you are in a position where you can walk away and mean it as well.
And they were thinking that this is crazy. Like,
how can I walk away from this relationship?
Thinking about two things.
So understand that when you come from a place of wanting and not needing,
you are putting yourself in a much stronger negotiating position to actually get
the outcome that you want. So imagine yourself as a salesperson. For example,
if you're coming to a negotiation, a sales call, a sales interaction,
and you're coming from a place of need,
the odds that you'll get your outcome of that person,
buying your product and seeing the value in what you have to offer is much
lower.
But if you come from a place of want,
you put yourself in a much stronger position. And ironically,
by simply being able to walk away,
you're increasing the chances that your partner doesn't want to walk away.
And only that when you come from a place of need here, whatever you do,
all your actions will seem very ingenuine. It will seem like you're doing this.
You're making all these changes. You asking all these questions,
whatever is you're doing is tainted by the fact that you're just trying to get
her back.
And that can be misconstrued as being manipulative and being tricky and not
being very genuine.
But what she's looking for are genuine changes in you to convince her
emotionally that the future can look different,
but she can never feel that if deep down, she understands that, Hey,
what you're doing here, it's not something permanent.
It's not something that you're doing because you're doing it for the sake of
doing it, but you're doing it simply to get me back.
And that once she gets back to the relationship,
you will go back to all your old ways and your motivation to better yourself
will go down. Because why?
Because you're attaching the reason why you're motivated,
why you're bettering yourself to the fact that you need her back right now.
So again,
the first thing you want to do is to make this mental shift of coming from a
place of want and not need.
So the third point here is to understand what the problem is exactly. Right?
So understand that.
One of the things we're trying to do here is to simply change your partner's
minds about the future,
right? That the past doesn't always have to equal the future.
Now here's when most people get this wrong.
So what a lot of people do is they try to have this conversation with their
partner to say, Hey, can you tell me what's going on? What's you know,
what is missing from this relationship maybe.
But the problem is like now you're in a position where in the brink of a divorce
and the conversation can get pretty difficult. It can get very,
very tense and your partner is going to do everything she can to resist you,
not consciously, but subconsciously.
And when you meet this resistance, you're going to want to back off.
And so you stop asking the question,
you stopped digging deeper because you simply don't understand how to push past
that resistance. So to get into position where they think they know something,
you know,
they ask a few questions and they think they know what the core problem is,
but they don't really know what the core problem is. And then to make it worse,
they watch some YouTube videos about, Hey, here's how you better yourself,
right? You got to portray yourself as this,
like hard to get guy or this value, high value guy on social media.
For example, you're going to play no contact, play a loof.
Um, you got to go to the gym, work out, you know, become richer,
become more successful in your work, whatever it is.
So you have all these ideas of how you can better yourself,
but often the dangerous part is that these ways of bettering yourself,
it's not really the ways of bettering yourself,
that she was thinking about that she's looking for.
And this puts you in a really bad cycle in yourself where you're trying to do
all these things to better yourself,
but it's not really affecting her emotions in the correct way.
And when you see that it's not really affecting her in a correct way,
that makes you pretty pissed off.
And it just puts you in a really terrible cycle once again.
So the skill that I want you to really learn is a skill of being able to go to
the primary source itself, which is your partner at this point,
and understanding how to lead conversations in a way that opens your pointer up,
understanding the right ways of dealing with that resistance so that you can
push through that resistance and actually get to the core issue here and dig far
enough so that you can eventually say,
and honestly say this in yourself where you can say,
look, if I was you wifey,
I would have done and thought exactly the same thing as you understanding,
know the full picture now, and this step is very,
very crucial because before she can believe in your changes,
she needs to understand that you even understand the problem in the first place.
Because if you don't understand the problem,
there's no way she can believe that you understand the solutions.
And for you to understand what those problems are,
you need to get to the root core of what the problem is. And a lot of men,
again, think that they understand what the root core is,
but when they really understand how to dig deeper and the conversations they
realize, man,
I was really quite far away from understanding what that root core is.
And when she can feel that you understand the problem,
then whatever you have to say, whatever solutions you have in mind,
whatever changes you make will resonate emotionally with her a lot better.
So this is why we say you're not trying to appeal to logic here.
You're appealing to our emotions.
And this is how you appeal to our emotions by first understanding the problems
enough so that you can prove to her that, Hey,
I understand the solution as well.
Then point number four is being able to express your commitment in a proper way.
And I mentioned this in one of my previous videos,
but there's four things you can stay here and you can feel free to say these
four things all at one go.
So the first thing you want to say is you want to acknowledge her desire for a
separation, for space, for a divorce. So you can say, look,
I know you want a divorce.
I know you feel hopeless about the relationship right now.
I totally respect that.
The second thing you want to say is express your commitment to bettering
yourself, no matter the outcome. So you want to say it to her, for example, Hey,
you know, no matter what you choose to do,
I'm still gonna keep bettering myself.
I'm still going to become the best man that I can be no matter what you choose
to do. And in the step,
try to be specific Treme vulnerable and try to be relevant. So specific,
meaning don't just say, you're bettering yourself.
If you can say specifics about how you're bettering yourself,
the more specific you make it, the more convincing it becomes.
And don't be afraid to be vulnerable as well. In the sense of, you know,
don't be afraid to be self deprecating. For example,
say how much of an asshole you were back then say,
how much of a Dick you were back, then say those things and make it relevant.
You know,
make your changes that you're expressing relevant to what she's actually wanting
you to change. And that's where the previous step of discovery plays a role.
Big time. Then the third thing you can say is praise and trust.
So at this point, you're gonna have two fears. The first few years,
you're going have fear that she's not going to be able to see your changes or
not willing to see your changes. Or if that, if she sees your changes,
you're not going to make the right decision that you want,
which is come back together. And so you can express this,
this fear that you have through praise and trust,
rather than expressing your fear through paranoia and being controlling.
And so on some example, you can say, look, you know,
I know you're pretty observant. I know you're, you know,
you can see changes in people, right? That's the praise part.
The trust part is when you can say, look, when I make these changes,
that you're going to be able to see the changes sometime. And again,
when you're saying this phrase,
this is where your mindset shift of coming from a place of want and not need
we'll change. The tone will change the words you use as you're saying this,
so that you're not saying this as like a needy thing to get her,
to trick her seeing your changes. But you're simply saying like,
I trust you because you're observant and you can say that from a place of want.
And the last thing you can say here is to simply leave your door open.
So you can say, look for the meantime,
I just want you to know that the door is always open and you're feel free to
talk to me about any issues or to resolve anything that you feel is unresolved.
And if you want to learn more about how you can say this four things in a much
more powerful way, your pre-commitment in a much more powerful way here.
I'm going to put a link at the end of this video, to the video where I explain,
um, how to say these things in a proper way.
Then the fifth thing you need to do is to actually make the right changes
at no matter what the outcome is. So, you know, previously in the previous step,
you're making all these promises of how you're going to better yourself in way,
you know, you be specific about it. You'd be being very vulnerable about it.
You're being relevant about it. And now it's time to deliver on that.
So you actually need to begin making the right and making the genuine changes
within yourself as well. And this means that you can not be relying on scripts.
If you just rely on scripts. Again, like we mentioned in the previous video,
she could smell that she can smell that when,
what you say and what you do, doesn't really align together.
And when she smells that she can never really emotionally believe in your
changes and believe that the future can be different,
because she's always going to be suspicious that you're doing this because you
simply want her back. It's not something you're doing permanently.
And how do you know whether your changes are genuine or not?
Is when you can play out the right tactics, play out the right things,
do all the right things without using your willpower without using your fake it
till you make it attitude. And only then can you actually do the things forever?
Like that's the point where you don't care about whether you have to do this for
a year, for two years,
you're going to do this because this is a part of you now.
And so if you're finding that you're in a position where you have to use a lot
of, a lot of your willpower and a lot of your fake it, so we make it approach.
And you're constantly asking yourself,
like how much longer do I have to do this?
That means that your changes are still not genuine.
You're still not attaching the reason why you're bettering yourself for the sake
of bettering yourself. You're still trying to do this to get her back.
I would change that mindset first.
And you also need to be able to do these things, make your changes,
no matter the outcome.
So even if your wife chooses to divorce you and ends up divorcing you,
it should not change your level of motivation for wanting to better yourself.
Because the ironic thing here is that the only way sometimes where she can know
that your changes are real, they're genuine is when you're threatened,
you're cornered with the prospect of divorce.
And yet you still are motivated as motivated to better yourself.
That's the only way sometimes that she will know they are changes are very,
very genuine that you're doing this simply to better yourself and that your
changes are permanent and not simply to get her back. And ironically,
when people start to make this mental shift of actually bettering themselves for
the sake of bettering yourself and looking for the genuine change,
rather than looking for the trickeries here,
that's the moment when their partner can actually see their changes and they
actually want to come back into the relationship.
This is when they can emotionally believe in your changes and understand that
the past doesn't always have to equal the future.
But as long as you keep being attached to getting your partner back and having
the reason why you're bettering yourself, be to get your partner back,
you're rarely going to get to the outcome of actually getting your partner back.
That's a very ironic thing about this whole scenario that a lot of men find
difficult to grasp, but once you grasp it,
then you can really put yourself in a very powerful position to reconcile your
marriage.
And if you want a resource that can help you do these five things flawlessly and
actually make the right internal shift within yourself to be able to do this
effortlessly and make those genuine changes that we talked about,
then you want to join my free master class in the five proven steps to
rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. And in this master class,
I'll show you the exact five step system that all my students have used to go
from a place of almost divorcing to a place to end a thriving relationship right
now,
and also show you how you can simplify this process of self evolution and also
rebuilding the relationship so that you don't need to think about a thousand
things when you're fixing the relationship, which a lot of people feel is that,
but you only need to focus on the one next step.
The one next thing you need to focus on in order to better yourself and also
better the relationship as well.
And I'll also show you some new mindset shifts that you haven't really
considered perhaps,
um,
to help equip you with the right mindset so that you can begin doing the right
tactics and doing the right things just more effortlessly and more effectively
as well. So that sounds interesting to you.
Then you want to reserve your spot in my masterclass by clicking the link above
my head or down in the comments below,
or the description box below this video as well.
And if you're looking for a free resource that can help you guide conversations
and lead conversations better, you know,
the conversations that never leads to arguments or always leads to productive
win-wins then you want to download the free guide I have for you above my head,
or also down below this video in the comments section or the submission box
below this video.
And if you're looking for a community where you can post your questions and kind
of get support from other members of the community here,
then you can join my Facebook group,
where you can ask your questions and actually get good advice about them from
myself or from other members of the community.
And if you want to join that Facebook group,
the link is also down below this video.
In the meantime, I do want to hear from you, you know,
leave a comment below on what did you find most insightful or most eyeopening
from this video I'd love to hear from you. So leave a comment below.
In the meantime, if you found this video valuable, then give it like,
and subscribe to this channel for more content like this one. But for now,
I'll leave you with this two other videos on how you can make sense of this
whole situation. If you're in the brink of a divorce,
understanding what to do and what not to do so that you can be better equipped
during this process. In the meantime, I'll see you in the next video.