Jealousy & Envy
Hello there.
Jealousy and Envy
such a painful emotion.
What else is there to say about it?
A lot actually.
Nowadays people think that Jealousy and Envy are one and the same,
when in fact there are some key differences between them.
In reality Envy is the emotion that occurs
when we experience an extreme desire for something
that someone else has
whether it's a quality, achievement or possession
but we don't think we can have it.
Jealousy is the emotion that occurs
when we anticipate or feel the loss of something of great value to us.
Whether it be a quality achievement or possession.
In other words, one exists when we wish to keep what we have,
and the other occurs when we want to get what we don't have
and in either case we feel powerless to do so.
Why do these emotional states feel so similar?
Because they are both the emotional reflection of lack.
The lack of something intensely wanted or needed.
And sometimes you can feel Jealousy and Envy
at the very same time
Particularly if your loss is someone else's gain.
Right off the bat we have to establish that
there's nothing wrong with Envy
and there's nothing wrong with Jealousy.
These are feeling states.
But of course in today's society,
we have made an enemy of emotion
So we have made Jealousy and Envy bad
in the same way that we have made Anger bad
I mean look at the Bible
even the Bible made Envy one of the deadly sins.
Which really sucks. Why?
Because it means that it's a sin that no one can help but commit.
Telling yourself not to feel how you feel
or telling someone else not to feel how they feel
never really works.
It just adds self condemnation
on top of the issue you're already dealing with.
Jealousy and Envy can only arise
when we are holding the perspective that we're separate from other people.
Think about it for a minute, If I thought that all was one
if that was the perspective I was coming from
and you gained something I would instantly gain something as well.
That's how to know that when you're feeling any kind of Envy or Jealousy
the ego has gotten wrapped up into the mix
because it's concerned with singularity, with separation.
Essentially if you're feeling Jealousy or Envy
it means the ego perceives a threat
Such as a third party threat to a connection it has with someone
or a threat to its own sense of significance or self-image.
But rather than go on about
Jealousy and Envy and theorize about it with you
I'd rather just dive right into what the hell are you supposed to do
if you feel jealous, or you feel envious.
Step 1.
We only feel Jealousy and we only feel Envy
when we are perceiving lack.
So what we have to do is to become acutely aware
of what exactly it is that we are lacking.
But the first step there is
to decide whether what we feel is in fact Envy or whether it's Jealousy.
Do we feel like we can't have something we want?
Or that we're going to lose something which we hold precious to us?
If you feel Jealousy
what precious thing are you afraid you're going to lose?
If you feel Envy
what precious thing do you not have that you desperately want?
Then I want you to be willing to consciously alter your perspective
by getting into a game that I like to call:
"The Abundance Game"
How do I actually have the thing in my life
that I think that I'm lacking?
For example,
If you're afraid of losing attention,
how do you have attention in your life?
Or if you think you lack value, how do you have value?
Make a list of as many ways you can think of
that you do in fact have what you think you lack
How do you already have what you're so desperately wanting?
Get as creative as you can with this list!
Another favorite spin on this particular game for me is
to pretend that you're somebody who has much less of what you have.
And pretend that as that person you were walking into your own life.
What might that person notice that you have,
that you're taking for granted currently?
Step 2.
Think of other alternative ways of getting what it is that you want.
Jealousy and Envy are very very powerful
in that they tell us exactly what we want and exactly what we need.
It's almost like they're pointing us in the direction
that we're meant to be going.
So we have to figure out the steps to get where we're going
or at least start going in that direction.
Nowhere else is this more relevant than relationships.
Often we feel Jealousy because there's a third party threat
to our connection with someone.
We feel unincluded and develop insecurities about the connection.
We then make it about eliminating the threat
rather than deepening the connection we have with our partner.
Though one could argue that because jealousy is an egoic construct,
it is innately unspiritual or bad.
Jealousy in a relationship is actually a good thing
provided that one is conscious about it instead of reactive.
It preserves our bond with the other person
by alerting us to the fact that we need to develop
deeper and more secure connection with them.
As well as a deeper and more secure connection with ourselves
It's an opportunity to get closer with the other person.
To learn more about this watch my video on YouTube titled:
"Meet Your Needs"
Step 3. Never expect yourself not to feel this way.
There is nothing that turns Jealousy and Envy into an open wound
quite like denying, suppressing and disowning these feelings.
Nothing you can do about it.
No point in feeling guilty about it because guess what?
Everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives.
Even if Jealousy and Envy come from a skewed or limited perspective
It is still a perspective that is valid
and very real right now in this moment.
So don't tell yourself not to feel that way
and don't tell anyone else not to feel that way.
What you should do instead
is to incrementally begin to soothe yourself
about your Envy and Jealousy.
And it starts like this:
"It's okay to feel how I feel."
"It's okay to be where I am."
Then I want you to switch your attention,
and switch your focus.
Step out of the storyline
so that you can take a look at the painful beliefs that are in fact fueling
these particular emotions within you.
What are you making this situation mean?
When it comes to a situation that is causing you to feel jealous or envious
it always means there's a painful belief
that needs to be directly addressed.
For this reason I've created a triad of videos
that are designed specifically to unroot and dissolve painful beliefs
Watch these videos, applying each one,
to the specific Jealousy or Envy you're feeling.
The first is: How to Find a Core Belief
The second is: Meaning (The Self Destruct Button)
and the third is: How to Change a Belief
Your emotions are always a perfect reflection of what you're thinking,
whether you're conscious of what you're thinking or not.
So there was never anything wrong with how you feel.
Jealousy and Envy comes with low self-esteem
kind of like peanut butter and jelly.
They are always going to come in the pair.
Especially if you experience chronic Envy or chronic Jealousy.
This is your indication that it's time to work on your self-esteem.
Now self-esteem and self-love
they also go hand-in-hand.
Self love leads to a higher amount of self esteem.
So it's time to start loving yourself.
Now thankfully, a few years ago, I got so irritated
hearing people tell other people to love themselves,
but not how to do it,
that I decided to write a book on the subject.
An actual How-to book
This book is called:
Shadows Before Dawn (Finding the Light of Self love in your Darkest Times
I highly suggest picking up one of these books
if you're someone who struggles with Envy and Jealousy.
You can find it anywhere books are sold.
Step 5.
if Jealousy
Envy
and low self-esteem was peanut butter and jelly,
shame is the bread that keeps it all together.
For this reason
it's really important if you struggle with Envy and Jealousy
to watch the video that I have on YouTube titled:
"How To Overcome Shame"
6. Envy and Jealousy arises from comparison thinking.
Now first we have to understand
that there's nothing innately wrong with comparison thinking.
In fact when it comes to healthy competition
Comparison thinking is beneficial.
It helps us to excel and to become our very best.
But there are times when comparison thinking
is nothing more than self abuse.
As is the case if you're feeling Jealousy or Envy.
Comparison thinking is unfair.
We are comparing the worst that we know about ourselves
to the best we assume about others.
If this was a competition, we'd be on their side, not ours.
Yikes.
Also, you did not come here to be the best
as compared to someone else.
If this was in fact the point of life
God or Source would have just made clones
of the best possible person.
We came here to be unique expressions of Source Consciousness
and by comparing yourself to others
you're in fact disallowing your own uniqueness.
You're focusing on what they have instead of on what you have,
so you'll miss being able to see your own value entirely.
Michelangelo once said
"Every block of stone has a statue inside it
and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it."
This is simply genius.
Your contribution, purpose and value to this world is entirely unique.
So let it be!
And remember, as any therapist can tell you,
just because it seems like other people have it all together on the outside
doesn't mean it's necessarily an accurate picture
of what's actually going on.
Our offices are absolutely full of people
who are trying to make it look like their life is working on the outside
when in fact it's falling apart.
So remind yourself when you're in the act of comparison thinking,
that you don't have any idea what's going on
in the inside life of that person.
You don't know what struggles they're facing
or what they might be envious or jealous of.
And here's the good news;
If you absolutely can't stop comparing yourself to others,
or something,
then try to channel that comparison thinking
back towards yourself.
Compare yourself with a prior self.
How has your life improved over the last five years?
What are you doing now
that you couldn't have imagined doing before?
7. Make gratitude your new spiritual practice.
This may seem super trite.
By this point you're probably frustrated
at hearing all of us tell you
"Just think about things you're grateful for"
But here's the thing;
Gratitude and lack don't go together.
You can't focus on something you appreciate having,
and notice what you don't have at the very same time.
So the more you're focused on the things you appreciate
in your day-to-day life
the less lack consciousness you will be engaged in.
When you look squarely at what you have
your feelings of lack including Jealousy and Envy will go away.
So carry a gratitude journal with you
and write down things you feel grateful for
whenever you have a spare moment.
You can also play a game with yourself where
as you go about your day you're doing a mental scavenger hunt
for the things you appreciate in the present moment of your life.
For example, let's say that I was feeling Jealousy or Envy in this moment
I could look around the very room that I'm sitting in
and I could say: "I love the colors on that painting"
"I like how deep that rich red is"
"I like the fact that the temperature in the room
is the right temperature"
"I like the fact that right now
I'm basically creating my own job
I don't need to go look to another employer
to create my job for me
which means I get to set my hours
and it means I get to set my time.
That's a valuable level of freedom"
This is an example of how you might go about a scavenger hunt
in the present moment,
for something that you feel grateful for.
Step 8. Be open about these feelings of Jealousy and Envy,
not only with yourself, but also with other people.
Envy and Jealousy could be considered to be
shadow aspects of your being.
They're aspects of most people that are considered unacceptable
so they're delegated to the subconscious mind.
When you expose those things to the light of consciousness
the light burns away the shadow
and it becomes part of your conscious mind.
That is so valuable when it comes to Envy and Jealousy.
Because Envy and Jealousy can get up to terrible business
when it isn't exposed to yourself
and when it isn't exposed to other people.
Exposing Envy and Jealousy the light of consciousness,
causes both to lose their power.
They cannot operate like Marionette strings behind a curtain.
Jealousy and Envy hurt us when we don't face it directly
and instead act on the feelings
in ways that control or hurt others or ourselves.
By openly talking about our Envy or Jealousy
we also provide other people with the opportunity
to help us alter our painful and often limited perspective.
Nine
when you feel Envy or Jealousy
What I want you to do
is to switch your attention
to what you can give to other people.
You want to switch all of your energy
into generosity.
This will require some mighty creative thinking
relative to the particular situation you find yourself in.
But because Jealousy and Envy is about lack
you can instantly diffuse this lackfull way of being
by giving to others.
For example,
You could give love or give attention or give help
or give praise or give money or give anything else
that you might have to someone.
By doing this,
you are actually able to see the value you do have.
Do this specifically because you're looking
to move out of Jealousy and out of Envy
Not because you're looking to get something from someone else.
Oftentimes we give just so we can get.
And if we're doing that, we're in a taking mentality.
That always comes from a vibration of lack
so all we'll get is more lack in our life.
But abundance in any form, is like air.
If we stop the flow of the out-breath, we cannot breathe in either.
So by breathing out and being generous with others
we open ourselves to receiving.
Obviously by receiving we will not feel such a lack.
So if you are feeling Jealousy or Envy, ask yourself:
"How could I be generous right here and now?"
And then take that action.
Watch how you feel.
Watch how the tension inherent and Jealousy and Envy begins to soften.
Changing beliefs, reactions and destructive behaviors
through mastering your point of view
is literally the key to setting yourself free
Eventually you can literally move yourself out of a belief
and out of an emotion like Jealousy or Envy
like you were changing your clothes
Jealousy and Envy are not to be feared.
They reveal your deep needs and desires
and thus the next steps you want to take in the direction
that is most integral to your core self.
It's tempting if you feel Jealousy or if you feel Envy
to feel like the universe is against you in some way.
To feel like it's tormenting you with something you desperately want
that you can't have or need that you can't have.
Or tormenting you with something precious that it's gonna take away.
But I promise you this is absolutely not the case in our universe.
Why? Because you cannot want something
that is not meant to be yours.
It defies universal expansion.
Which is in fact the entire reason that we are here on Earth.
So you are meant to have whatever it is that you want.
You are meant to keep the things that are precious to you.
Have a good week
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte & The YouTube Community