>> Building relationships and the importance of your support system.
My name is Dr. Heather Leeper.
I'm one of the physicians here at the Neuro-oncology Branch.
And I work on the Patient Outcomes team.
My research is focused on helping improve how those who live with brain
and spinal cord tumors feel and function.
Social support is really important, even more so when you are facing a serious illness.
And today's CARES group will be focused on building relationships and your support systems.
The objective today is to explore the meaning of social support
and to map your social support network.
Who's there, who's missing, and ways that you can find them.
Research shows that social support provides important benefits
to our physical and emotional health.
In fact, stress has been related to a number of health concerns from mental health problems
to chronic health issues such as migraines.
Social support can also help protect people from the harmful effects of stress.
When dealing with a stressful situation, people are less likely
to report stress related health problems when they feel like they have support from others.
The goal today is to focus on building
and maintaining relationships in your social support system.
This is important because people living with a serious illness
such as cancer can experience a lot of distress and worry.
Leaning into your support network can help you cope.
Some signs that you might be experiencing that, mean you need more support,
could be feelings of disconnectedness or isolation from others and feeling
like you need or want to connect with someone.
Let's talk through some specific things you can do
to nurture relationships with your friends and family.
An important very first step is to acknowledge within yourself that these people care
about you, and they will each have their own way of reacting to your cancer.
Consider being the first one to start the conversation because some people might want
to ask you how you're feeling and check in on you, but they also might not know what to say
or maybe they're afraid that they will upset you.
If you start the conversation, let people know you welcome their questions
or that you don't wish to talk about your cancer at that time.
Accept help.
Friends and family are going to ask you if there is anything they can do to help.
And they want to help.
Plan ahead and come up with some ways for people to give you some assistance,
whether it's something like helping around the house, running an errand for you,
or just being there for you when you need to talk.
Let others know what to expect of you.
This means that people will want you to be able to tell them what you're ready for
and not ready for, what you're ready to talk about or not talk about.
It's totally okay to have boundaries and to let people know what those boundaries are.
Keep friendships that matter.
Some people may withdraw from you.
And you might find there are people that you withdraw from.
It's okay to let them go.
Invest your time and energy in the friends who are closest to you rather
than expending your precious emotional energy trying to patch relationships
that maybe weren't so strong to begin with.
Plan what you'll have to say.
You'll get questions about your cancer and your treatment.
Decide how you'll answer these questions, especially questions
that you don't feel comfortable answering.
Be patient with others.
If you find yourself becoming frustrated or upset during conversations,
try to remember that the people around you have good intentions.
That awkwardness may come from unfamiliarity with the situation.
Stay involved when you can.
Some friends or family might not invite you to do things because they assume
that you aren't ready for social activities or that you don't want to.
But these people know that you want to be included
or ask for someone to relay your message to them.
Seek out support groups.
Having support from other cancer survivors who are able to help you relate,
whether that's in a support group in your community or online, can be incredibly helpful.
And finally, get professional help if you need some.
Your provider can give you a referral to a counselor or therapist to help find more ways
for you to communicate with others.
The benefit to exercising these strategies will be to improve your communication with others
about asking for help and what you need.
It will help you build a support system that's aware of your needs.
It will be a way for you to have helpful and healthful ways to disconnect from thoughts
about treatment and cancer and reconnect with people and things that matter most to you
and provide positive coping and intervention for when you need extra layers of support.
Let's move onto talking about mapping your social support network.
Your support network will have different aspects to it.
And one of the main aspects could be something like practical support.
And thinking about practical support, think about who could drive you to an appointment,
loan you something that you need, bring you food or groceries.
And ask yourself who supports you and who do you support?
Another important aspect of social support network is advice and information.
Who do you ask for advice?
Who do you reach out to if you don't know how to do something or how to accomplish something?
So, take a second and ask yourself who supports you and who do you support?
Next, let's think about companionship.
Who is really good company?
Who will share your joys and your laughter?
So, take a moment to think about who supports you in the companionship realm?
And is there anyone that you support?
Next is emotional support.
Who do you share your feelings with?
Who encourages you?
Who helps you feel less depressed or overwhelmed?
So, take a moment and ask yourself who supports you in this regard.
And is there anyone that you support with emotional support?
In thinking about these different aspects,
maybe there's not enough support in any one of these domains.
You may wish to bring new people into your support network if you find
that you need more people in your life who can provide you with support
or if you're missing people in areas that are important to you.
For example, you may have good emotional support,
but you may want to meet more people who share your interests.
Next let's talk about how you can improve your social support network.
Don't be afraid to take social risks by reaching out to others and introducing yourself.
Ask for more support means getting more from the support that you have.
It's easy to assume that others know what you need, but this isn't usually the case.
You need to be assertive and tell others what you need.
Be as specific as possible in your requests.
However, be careful not to overwhelm others.
Reach out and ask people you know to help you broaden your networks.
Also, become a joiner.
Joining groups and things like support groups can be a great way to help you cope.
Be patient.
Making new friends takes time.
You may need to meet many new people.
And remember that building rapport, intimacy, and relationships takes time.
And finally, take care of your relationships and avoid the negative ones.
This means don't invest a lot of time in relationships
that are hard on your emotional health.
And spend instead your time fostering strong friendships
with the people that you feel closest to.
Disagreements inevitably arise in relationships.
But communicating assertively can help work
through disagreements and strengthen relationships.
In conclusion, social support can come from many places and many people
or just a few places and just a few people.
It's the quality of these places and people that matters most.
Fostering and building relationships is good for your health, your well-being,
and so it is also for the other person.
These are some advocacy partner support services that have groups that you might find of benefit,
such as the American Brain Tumor Association.
They have a peer to peer mentor program.
The American Brain Tumor Society holds online support groups.
And Brains for the Cure also holds online support groups for patients and caregivers.
Thank you so much for your attention, and I hope this was helpful.