Growing up my mom like a lot of moms out there I'm sure gave me tips and advice on how to
dress like a respectable proper young lady. Don't let your bra strap show. One thing she
did not teach me however understandably was how to dress like a cheating wife because
A) that would have been really weird and B) I don't think that she had the first person
experience to impart that kind of wisdom and C) again, weird. But it turns out she didn't
even have to because I'm already doing it on my own and I'm not even married or cheating.
Chances are women watching, you dress like a cheating wife too. Oh scandalous.
So a couple of weeks ago the website AshleyMadison.com which is essentially the eHarmony for husbands
and wives who want to cheat on their respective husbands and wives published the results of
a survey among over 52,000 of its female members to find out where they shop and what they
like to wear when they go a cheating. Culturally we usually associate mistresses with being
very well-dressed, decked out in furs, silk, diamonds. For instance, in Elizabeth Abbott's
book 'Mistresses: A History of the Other Woman', she talks about how infamous women such as
Adolf Hitler's mistress Ava Braun had these incredible wardrobes. As a mistress you are
showered in all sorts of expensive gifts a lot of times in exchange for being a no stings
attached sex partner. So with that in mind the results of the AshleyMadison.com survey
were surprising because they found that the average cheating wife who does tend to be
in her mid-thirties with a professional career does not dress all that provocatively. She
really just dresses like your average adult woman who happens to really like Banana Republic
and J. Crew which were the top two shopping destinations of adulteresses. Let's break
down how to dress like a cheating wife. What they're wearing is a lot like what I am wearing
right now, starting with a rather sensible buttow-down from H & M which was the number
five shopping destination among cheating wives. H & M also stands for Hate and Marriage. Moving
onward to the pants, I'm sporting a pair of mint colored skinny jeans and that fits right
in line with summer fashions 2013 for cheating wives who really enjoy wearing brightly colored
skinny jeans, maxi dresses and pencil skirts with slits up the side. You got to watch it
with those slits, I mean because when you sit down, it can ride up. And what about footwear?
Well I happen to be wearing the quintessential cheating wife shoe. Women who are cheating
prefer a beige neutral with a bit of heal. Now this is a wedge, a lot of times they prefer
a stiletto but you get the drift. It's a mix and match kind of shoe. And then finally to
tie our summer fun cheating wife outfit together with a touch of appropriate anonymity, may
I present the adulteress' favorite style of sunglasses aviators. Nothing says 'I might
be doing something I shouldn't be doing' like a pair of aviators. I'm still wearing the
tag on my jeans because over 12 percent of cheating wives will return the outfits that
they use on dates. And for one more thing to stress out about in the dressing room,
if you're in the market for a maxi dress this summer, who knows, it could have easily been
worn on a non-monogamous rendezvous. As far as accessorizing goes, cheating wives prefer
Marc Jacobs tote bags, red lipstick, eclipse gum, Cliff bars, I guess to keep their energy
up and J'adore by Dior perfume. And really when you get the entire picture of what these
women are buying and where they're shopping at places like Banana Republic and J. Crew,
H & M, Chico's--Chico's was listed!--the gender gap of cheating has been closing. Now this
is not the kind of women's progress that I typically advocate for but the fact of the
matter is that the number of husbands who admit to cheating which is around to 21% has
remained stable in the past forty years while the number of wives who have admitted to cheating
has only climbed. The number of cheating wives has gone up 40% in the last two decades. So
while men have always been cheating their rate of cheating has stayed the same, while
as women have gotten out of the household more, they've gotten a little bit more autonomy,
more income, sexual mores have opened up a bit and we're achieving cheating parity. Cheating
wives, they're just women, just like us who happen to not deal well with monogamy. And
you know what, some would say that's totally fine, I'm all about open and honest communication
in relationships. Sometimes monogamy not for everybody. But lying and cheating, that ain't
good either. Don't try to read into a woman's wardrobe to determine whether or not she's
cheating on you, maybe just say, 'Hey I think that things are kind of weird is something
going on?' Rather than being like, 'Is that from Banana Republic?' Banana Republic. Outfitting
adulteresses since 19-whenever it was founded. So I hope you found this little slice of modern
cheating culture as fascinating as I did because like I said normally I wouldn't bat an eyelash
at survey results from AshleyMadison.com but this one really caught my eye because it wasn't
just about where these women shopped. It said so much more about cheating today in modern
culture, where women are with it, who's doing it and how we judge correctly or incorrectly
women based on the clothes that they wear. I want to know what y'all think--boopboopboop--I'm
pointing to the comment section. And don't forget to subscribe. I'm going to go put on
a turtle neck and tennis shorts.