[Music]
once upon a time in a land far far away
she wasn't a princess by fairytale
standards but she lived in a good house
with spans and a generally happy
childhood the only problems with her
childhood never occurred 200 much later
at 14 she met her first love a boy
called Sam promised her perfection the
Sun and the stars in the entire galaxy
but most importantly promised her that
she would be happy happier than ever
before when she would get upset he would
show pictures of all the beautiful
things they could have and she would be
okay for a while but then she would get
upset again because while she was
promised these things who wishes were
never granted that's the we are today oh
that's the weird thing about first
promise being promised perfection it's a
goal we set for us a goal we can never
attain because it's the biggest lie we
can Doug
now we all know that any relationship
built on false promises and lies is
toxic but it took a princess a long time
to realize this longer than it should
have longer than she's proud of in the
duration of the relationship which
lasted about a year Sam started
demanding she be happy but only if she
did it the Sam way she wasn't okay with
that
so she started speaking up more standing
up for herself choosing to make herself
happy instead of relying on Sam's
unattainable standards because she knew
that it was a beautiful lie which she
would never change perfection so she
ended it with Sam know your ideal love
story huh however in the wake of a toxic
relationship the princess grew and
thrived
she became smarter more conscious more
aware where of all the things around her
deeply not outrightly she felt proud
confident all the things Sam told her
she would never feel this is a story I
think most of you can relate to maybe
you're still in that toxic fears a
little confused
well replaced with your body image it
makes more sense now let me cut to the
chase because I can keep telling her the
story of this little girl or I can tell
you mine
the catch that the same thing replaced
am with my body image and I was that
good I'm a lot of things now but perfect
still isn't one of them what I am though
as I would like to believe is a
storyteller so good morning ladies and
gentlemen my name is Ashna Daru and I'm
going to be telling you a story a story
about a search for perfection a search
always left unfulfilled a search that
always left me feeling rather empty
inside but a search that was supposed to
leave me feeling joyous alai ecstatic
elated I was that little golden sword
for something perfect something to
aspire or to son something to look for a
look upon I was unconfident I didn't
feel strong or happy or powerful like
all the girls in the media I felt weak
I've had unconfident so that picture
that's me at 14 feeling that exact way I
wanted to put that feeling into a number
but unfortunately I was too conscious to
ever check the scale do haunted by the
idea that the number wouldn't be perfect
and then along came the idea of wanting
to be thin and boy I loved it the idea
I've been hanging around for yours
ingrained in every ma are ingrained in
my subconsciousness
all of marketing and every Bollywood
film I ever watch told me that the
happiest people what's in so to be happy
I'd have to be thin dough this idea was
so appealing at first and I was so in
love with it
so deluded by the idea that one day I
and my body could attain the state of
perfection the state of ultimate
happiness when I would get upset that I
wasn't looking perfect this idea would
claw its way back into my mind and I
would find myself looking at pictures of
models and actresses on the screen all
the mincing myself that I'd one day
could look like this and be happy one
day and then one day became the siren
call that gripped me so this picture
that's me the next summer at age 15 I
still don't think I looked perfect but I
look much closer to it than the year
before
but why not this idea of perfection
didn't dissuade me from eating well and
eating healthy I would still eat my
fries and donuts just less with more
control the biggest change was that I
fell in love with working out ironically
inspired by a video of a model worker
who talking about the importance of
working out I started it too
when you want to be happy it was the
already happy say right I love the soft
paws of the chadman the home of the
elliptical and the Let's Get Fit
atmosphere of the gym but despite
everything I was still doing this with
the motivation of wanting to be thin to
be perfect you know how I know that
because while I looked visibly more
confident I was still do scared to step
on a scale still do haunted by the idea
that I wouldn't be perfect the fairy
tale was fashioned alive forever growing
in my mind I stayed in that mindset for
a long time longer than I'm proud of to
be thin was to be perfect and by
extension and the only way to be happy
was to be perfect after all come on how
could Katrina care for Selena Gomez
always be smiling because it was thin
dough the real change happened the first
day I picked up a wig there's a 4 kg
dump which f with wit with which I was
going to do some form of leg exercise
remember which what I do remember was
feeling strong power of undefeatable and
then of course came post ramona's I
didn't feel quite as powerful then let
me tell you but I thrive I pushed my
body more and more I craved the
adrenaline when I I craved the
adrenaline rush that came with it
the stairs you get at the gym when
you're a girl loading to any cage replay
it's under both sides of a bobble it
pushed me to be thin but not the earlier
thing a strong scent I'm still that same
goal I was at 14 just not looking for
the validation of pink thin now the
validation of being strong I love it
thoroughly the feeling of being
comfortable in your skin most of the
time it's unparalleled its own parallel
to the excitement you feel when you see
that you've lost weight or that your
legs look leaner because you realize
that it doesn't matter the point still
remains why did I want to be thin at
some point in everyone's lives they
wonder about the weight it happens
overweight or underweight just muscle
mass or that everyone were all in
thought of the right number and spoiler
spoiler alert there's no right number a
quick question can we have a show of
hands if everyone in the audience was
aged 18 or younger that's a lot of
people and I find it very hard to
believe that all a few way what is
standardly healthy because according to
the World Health Organisation
all individuals under age if all under
all individuals under 18 years of age
should weigh 60 kgs or below whether
you're over or what they are under at
some point you've looked down your body
looked at a picture of a model and said
I want to look like that social media as
usual is demonized for popularizing this
want to be thin but what we realize is
that we consciously consume the at this
information will watch the Victoria's
Secret Fashion Show were stocked with
across ins Instagram to marvel at his
biceps or what you do deeds box to watch
ggot books to get Gigi's abs and then we
wonder why we want to be thin we so
consciously ingest these standards and
then subject ourselves to them oh well
ago I decided to make a change I
unfollowed every model every person on
my Instagram that made me want to have
that body
it made my feed kind of boring it felt
empty and that's when I realized just
how much of this information I can zoom
on a daily basis of course I want to be
thin I keep seeing a picture of Kendall
jello in a Calvin Klein bikini in a
photo that is undeniably photoshop with
millions of comments under it saying
wish I have that board with eight
different emojis on that note even the
pictures we see online are so thoroughly
edited Kim K's body is not shaped by her
corsets enough fat loss lollipops it's
shaped by a trainer a very expensive
dietician and an even more expensive gym
on following celebrities like that
people who promote these agents to make
you rapidly lose weight it helped
I now follow celebrities from shows that
I like because who travel lot to explore
the world and kind of funny meme
accounts
it helps every small step you take helps
I stopped reading articles about what
contributes to weight gain and stopped
watching workout videos
genetically thin girls telling me that I
needed to cut out all carbs and fats I
didn't want to eat boiled oats for every
meal and so I didn't no one ever has to
I now eat healthy sustainable meals that
keep me full instead of becoming thin I
chose to become healthy like I said
somehow that's more satisfying
weights make me feel strong more in
control for friends of mine
football does that or cycling or yoga or
pilates are reading a good book
feeling strong is not about the thing
you do it's about this it's about how
the
thing you do makes you feel and the end
goal what do you want to feel sin is not
a feeling it's just an objective an
adjective that go that clouds all of our
minds and takes over our lives but an
objective nevertheless at some point in
this talk this must have crossed your
mind it's very easy for her to stand up
there having done all of her research
and having lost all this weight to talk
about this she's thin so of course she's
going to tell me that it doesn't matter
is it possible to actually be warped is
it action is it possible to actually get
rid of this want to be thin without
becoming thin the answer pretty much
yeah look at ICON like Natasha the OL
attach speaker APLA Graham or even Liz
or who are not thin by any means but are
living their lives truly and wholly it's
constantly being projected towards that
thin is beautiful and beautiful as thin
a toxic cycle not only perpetuated by
social media but also by our mindsets
once we change our own mindsets and the
way we look at ourselves we can change
the end goal of what we want to look
like
let's stop asking relatives about their
weight at family gatherings
let's stop asking random people in the
lift how they lost so much because trust
me it happens let's stop so delighted
when we say oh you've lost so much
unless we know that that was the
intention or even better let's stop
pointing out people's physical
appearances when we meet them thank you
[Applause]