Hello my name's Devine, I'm going into 10th grade and this is my story. I actually wasn't
even supposed to make it, past a year old. At nine months, I had an accident with my father.
I was supposed to become paralyzed or a vegetable because my skull was dented in
so far that it was touching the lining of my brain. I went back to my mom's crying and we
didn't understand why and we ended up seeing a dent in my head, the size of a tennis ball,
that when my mom took me to the doctor, the things that the doctors even said was even shocking to me
learning about it later because I have a scar now on the back of my head. It turns out that
the doctor had said that the only way that that could have happened to get that size of a dent
that deep into my head was if a strong adult took a hammer and hit me as hard as they could.
And that was shocking the fact that I was with my father when it happened. My parents were never
married, they were separated and I had to go back and forth between my father and my mother
and it was difficult because legally I was bound to go. He was in drugs, alcohol, gangs,
you could tell that he had a lot of demons that he was dealing with and even as a child, I could tell
and that's very difficult but he brought them out on me. He was very manipulative and controlling.
He was very abusive mentally, emotionally, it feels like you're living with the Devil,
with all your fears and everything being by your side constantly and seeing it every week and
being with that person that brought you so much hurt, it's so difficult and it brought me into a
very deep depression and severe anxiety, anxiety that would give me panic attacks, I would shake,
I would pick at myself like just whatever I could do to pass by the feeling of just not being in
control and I didn't turn to God. I didn't think I really knew God at that time. But when I went
through it all and I actually tried to commit suicide when I was around 11 or 12, had picked up
my mom's ex-boyfriend's gun and my mom was at work and I was home alone, when I grabbed the gun I was
like you know what once I do this, then everything will be okay, then everything will leave and I
want all these feelings and everything, nothing will confuse me anymore, that's just it,
I put it up to my head and I thought to myself I was like, what am I doing like look who I'm
going to be leaving behind my mom, my brother, the people that love me here that I didn't realize,
I thought about it and it's like in a way he would win, the devil would win if I did that.
And me and my mom had gone to every church in Tri-Cities, everything. We've gone to so many,
out of Tri-Cities and in Tri-Cities and we just never felt like we fully belonged and I never felt
like I fully belonged with the people or anything I just, I didn't really have a longing for
staying. We got invited to HungryGen at a family service by my brother and we came to HungryGen and
a whole new experience and it was just like a fun experience to just see all these families and all
these different ethnicities and everybody and it just felt kind of like home. When I got invited
to the youth service, met people that I would consider family and forever friends. These are the
people that I needed a long time ago but they're here right now for a reason and I know that now.
And going to camp I didn't think anything of it. I didn't have time to think of what I was going into
because I just kind of was like, oh the night before can I make it and they allowed me to go.
But the second night is when it really moved me. He was talking about getting rid of the things
that you know you need to get rid of and the stuff that's holding you back. So I was there
on the floor at camp and a youth leader came and prayed for me. God basically talked through her
to me and it was like a reassurance and said that, I know you've been dealing with the absence of a
father and I know you've been dealing with feeling unworthy and I know you've been feeling alone,
you're tired and you're exhausted. All this stuff that you've gone through it's going to serve a
purpose. I never left you and I've never left your mother and when she said that, that's what
got me because all this stuff that me and my mom had gone through with the stuff with my father,
it always felt like it was just us and it always felt like we never had somebody to protect us and
we never had somebody to just be there and be like, it's gonna be okay like I'm gonna protect
you, he can't hurt you and I just cried and I bawled so hard and I kept on coughing and crying
and I didn't know why and I just cried and I felt all the emotions from when I was a little girl,
just come up in that moment because when you're little, you don't comprehend what is happening,
you don't understand those things, you don't know how to deal with them. So feeling all
those feelings that just came out of nowhere, it's like I knew that came from a deep dark place that
I couldn't have brought up myself. So accepting God that night and just giving it all to Him
really changed my life and afterwards, I was on the floor bawling just kneeling
down and once I got back up, I took a big deep breath and it's like, it felt so clear and it
felt so like weight lifted and I felt like I could breathe finally and then after cam,
all the feelings that I had dealt with before, all the struggles they just kind of felt like a past
thought. Something that I couldn't even imagine that I had dealt with and so severely. Anxiety
was something that was had such a stronghold on me and I don't really, there's obviously still those
struggles days but the depression, the suicidal thoughts are not even in my mind or even close
to that and when you feel so much love, you wonder how you even got to the point before. After having
all that stuff behind me, it kind of is like a clean slate and it makes it so so exciting
for life and just to serve God and to be able to encourage others and even if you're still stuck in
a situation, I still have to go to my dad's until I'm 18, every week but the amount of freedom I
feel when I'm there, I don't feel fear anymore. I don't feel scared of him. I don't feel scared of
the Demons or anything because God's by my side and how could I be scared when God's with me.
Because He fights all of those for for me and for you. Just trust that God's gonna bring you
along the way and He will carry you throughout everything, throughout all of it. He's just always
there for you and you just need to trust Him and His plan. He'll take you all the way there!