ANYWAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SPEECH.
ALMOST AS MUCH I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS INTERVIEW WITH
ROBERT MUELLER.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE THING: SINCE LAST WE
MET, WE LEARNED THAT TRUMP TRIED TO FIRE MUELLER LAST JUNE.
SO THAT INTERVIEW MIGHT BE AWKWARD.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, ULTIMATELY, TRUMP DIDN'T
FIRE MUELLER BECAUSE WHITE HOUSE LEGAL COUNSEL DON MCGAHN,
"REFUSED TO ASK THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TO DISMISS THE
SPECIAL COUNSEL, SAYING HE WOULD QUIT INSTEAD."
THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I THOUGHT NOBODY IN THE WHITE HOUSE HAD
ANY SCRUPLES.
BUT WE FOUND A SCRAP OF SCRUPLE!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AN ANEMIC JUST FIREFLY RICOCHET OF A SCATTER OF A SCREWLE!
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THE ONLY THING KEEPING THE PRESIDENT
FROM DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY'S SYSTEM OF CHECKS AND BALANCES
WAS A LAWYER WHOSE HAIRCUT IS PARTY-IN-THE-BACK AND IN THE
FRONT.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS AMAZING.
ALTHOUGH IF HE DID QUIT, HE'S GOT A BACKUP CAREER, BECAUSE DON
MCGAHN IS IN AN 80S COVER BAND.
THIS IS REAL.
THIS IS ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF MCGHAN TEARING IT UP AT A LOCAL BAR
SCENE.
♪ ♪
WHOA, BUDDY.
SAVE SOME OF THAT SHREDDING FOR WHITE HOUSE DOCUMENTS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
HERE'S WHY THIS IS A BIG DEAL: NIXON'S DOWNFALL REALLY STARTED
WHEN HE ORDERED THE FIRING OF THE SPECIAL PROSECUTOR
INVESTIGATING HIM, BUT REPUBLICANS INSIST THAT THERE'S
NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
>> I THINK WHAT HAPPENED HERE IS THE PRESIDENT HAD A BAD IDEA.
HE TALKED WITH HIS COUNSEL, WHO EXPLAINED TO AN ANGRY AND
FRUSTRATED PRESIDENT WHY IT WAS A BAD IDEA, AND THAT WAS SEVEN
MONTHS AGO.
>> STEPHEN: "NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE'S UPSET.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: YES, THE PRESIDENT DID HAVE A MACHETE AT
THE NATIONAL ZOO.
AND HE JUMPED INTO THE PANDA CAGE, SCREAMING "I JUST WANT TO
TASTE IT."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT HIS LAWYER WRESTLED THE
MACHETE OUT OF TRUMP'S HANDS.
AND THAT WAS HOURS AGO."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH, SAVE THE PANDAS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LUCKILY, TRUMP COULD COUNT ON
BACKUP FROM HIS BEST FRIEND IN THE TV, FOX NEWS COMMENTATOR AND
FINAL HOLE AT THE WORLD'S WORST PUTT-PUTT COURSE, SEAN
HANNITY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> AT THIS HOUR "THE NEW YORK
TIMES" IS TRYING TO DISTRACT YOU.
THEY HAVE A STORY TRUMP WANTED MUELLER FIRED SOMETIME LAST JUNE
AND OUR SOURCES-- AND I'VE CHECKED WITH MANY OF THEM --
THEY'RE NOT CONFIRMING THAT TONIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, SO WE HAVE SOURCES TONIGHT, JUST CONFIRMING TO ED
HENRY THAT MAYBE DONALD TRUMP WANTED TO FIRE THE SPECIAL
COUNSEL FOR CONFLICT, DOES HE NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO RAISE
THOSE QUESTIONS?
YOU KNOW, WE'LL DEAL WITH THIS TOMORROW NIGHT.
>> Stephen: AAAHHH!
OH!
AHHH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MAN, THAT WAS -- THAT WAS FAST.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT SEAN KNEW WHAT THE REAL
STORY WAS HERE.
>> DOES HE NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO RAISE THOSE QUESTIONS?
YOU KNOW, WE'LL DEAL WITH THIS TOMORROW NIGHT.
WE HAVE A SHOCKING VIDEO OF THE DAY TO BRING YOU, BY THE WAY.
THIS FOOTAGE COMES TO US FROM ARIZONA.
YOU SEE THAT RED S.U.V., HIGH SPEED POLICE CHASE, ONLY THE
SUSPECTS VEHICLE SLAMS INTO ANOTHER CAR.
>> STEPHEN: SEAN, IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT AWAY FROM
TRUMP, MAYBE DON'T GO TO FOOTAGE THAT'S SO CLEARLY A METAPHOR FOR
HIS ADMINISTRATION.
A CAR CRASH THAT WE CAN'T TEAR OUR EYES FROM.
( APPLAUSE ) BUT HANNITY'S NOT THE ONLY
TRUMP-FRIENDLY PUNDIT COVERING THIS STORY.
WE'VE ALSO GOT SOME EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE FROM OUR IN-HOUSE
NEWS TEAM, REAL NEWS TONIGHT: >> WELCOME TO REAL NEWS TONIGHT.
I'M JIM.
LL.
WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS, MORE LIES FROM THE FAKE FAILING "NEW YORK
TIMES."
THEIR NEWEST LINE, TRUMP TRIED TO FIRE ROBERT MUELLER LAST
SUMMER.
>> TYPICAL OF THE FAKE LIARS OF THE "NEW YORK TIMES."
>> TRUMP NEVER TRIED TO FIRE MUELLER AND THAT STORY WILL
NEVER CHANGE.
BREAKING NEWS, TRUMP DID TRY TO FIRE ROBERT MUELLER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> GOOD FOR HIM!
HE GETS TO DO THAT.
>> YES!
MORE ON WHY THIS IS GOOD AS WE FIGURE IT OUT.
>> NOW, LET'S COMPLETELY CHANGE TRACK AND COVER THIS UNRELATED
NEWS ITEM.
THERE'S BEEN A MASSIVE FIRE AT THE TURD FACTORY.
>> AS FLAMING HOT PIECES OF DO-DO REIGN FROM THE SKY, CAN
THIS BRING DOWN A MANURE TYCOON.
>> PROBABLY NOT, NOTHING CAN TOUCH THE KING OF (BLEEP).