- So, he's definitely interested.
So not an option- - Well, yes.
because they were both taken.
- [Woman] This was the first time that-
- So there was something there.
She just quick pushed it to the side.
I swear if only one of them comes in, I'm walking.
I'm revolting. I ride at dawn.
Could two people go from being best friends
to being in love with each other with just 21 questions?
Mended Light.
(upbeat music)
Welcome to "Therapist Reacts Raw"
where I respond to some footage
that I have never seen before
that my producers just put in front of me,
so I didn't have time to prepare.
These are just my shoot from the hip reactions.
So this is nectar did.
"Can two best friends fall in love with 21 questions?"
Let's find out.
(Adrien and Tatiana laughing)
(bell chimes) - Before making
a telephone call
do you ever rehearse what you're gonna say and why?
- Yeah, because I have anxiety.
(Tatiana laughs) I'm the type of person
who thinks about what I'm gonna say in a voicemail.
And I'm like (stutters),
and then I have to hang up and call again
and leave them the voicemail,
so they just get the two.
- You know that you can actually you can wait long enough
and then listen back to the voicemail,
and then delete it, and then rerecord it.
If you just hang up, they're gonna get your stupid-
(Jonathan laughing)
Wow, wow.
Okay, cool.
- Yeah, I just live with it.
- I raw dog.
- You raw dog conversations?
- [Tatiana] I raw dog the phone call.
My mom's not gonna like that.
Yeah. - No.
- Yeah, they have a great friendship already, obviously.
Great chemistry.
- I'm like, what are the objectives?
- See, I need that type of confidence in my life.
- [Tatiana] I think you do, too.
- And I think the reason they're nervous-
- What items has the most sentimental
value to you?
- [Adrien] My dad's ring.
- Is they're worried about potentially
losing their friendship if they take it next level.
- I like alternate because the tan is terrible.
- And I wonder if they've been feeling the chemistry
or they haven't, so they're like "Could something be here?"
- Oh that's my dead dad's ring. It's awkward.
It's very awkward in a grocery store, so.
- Because they talked about how they shared a bed one time,
and it didn't mean anything. - What item
has that's the most sentimental value to me.
That's one. Could you have guessed that?
- [Adrien] Yeah, I could have.
- When I was 10 my best friend passed away
from brain cancer and everybody
at our elementary school got one
and I haven't taken it off since.
I wear it to prom.
- But what is your most terrible memory?
- Oh, well if you'll rewind the YouTube video.
I don't really think it gets worse than
like finding out someone that close to you is gone.
- [Man] Yeah.
- Especially for both of us, you know, younger than 20.
- Both lost a parent.
- I won't speak for you.
But you know, like this loss of childhood
that inherently happens after that.
Having to face tragedy that young
and not even understanding who you are yet.
Not even understanding what the world is yet.
Not even understanding death yet.
- So they're great at being serious together
and they're great at being silly together.
- And having to deal with it.
- That's five years of friendship.
- I remember very explicitly like the day my mom-
- And that's a good thing, you know, starting a...
I'm not saying they need to get together, but if they do
they have such a strong foundation
of really knowing who this person is
and there's not this blindness, right?
This, of thinking you're in love with somebody
and then realizing they're not
who you really thought they were.
They would know exactly what they're getting
into with each other.
- How my aunt told me and the fact that I was the one
since I was there that was delegated to tell my mom.
- Oh my god.
- Yeah I had to call her, I had to call my mom
over the phone and tell her.
And just my aunt walked into the room,
she had the phone in her hand
and she just walks in.
She was like, "I just got off the phone with Louise."
- So they've known each other for this long
but they're sharing details they've never shared before
because of these questions.
And falling in love is about connection.
It's about vulnerability and that being rewarded.
See how she touches his knee to comfort him.
- [Woman] That's pretty damn bad.
- And even with our closest friends sometimes
there are things we don't share
and we can have a greater connection
romantic or otherwise if we would be vulnerable
and trust them with that and if that trust is rewarded.
(indistinct)
(man sniffles)
(somber music)
- She's going to check on him.
- [Tatiana] Ade! Hello?
- [Adrien] I was just gonna wash my face super quickly.
- [Tatiana] Don't mess up that beautiful face.
- On your mark.
(board clicking)
- I can't remember who asked the last question
- I do. - Okay. What?
- Most terrible memory. We're gonna remember that one.
- God. Sheesh.
Have you ever thought or seen me as more than a friend?
- Oh, here we go.
- I would say yes.
(laughs) I feel awkward saying that.
Not like a bad way.
- What would be bad about that?
- I think we mesh really well
and I think a lot of the time I've spent
kind of figuring things out past relationships.
I've kind of grown to say what do I want in a relationship?
What do I want in a partner, what don't I want?
And I feel like you hit a lot of those attributes
and I feel like it's a lot of me being like,
"What about Tatiana?"
And then me like, "Nah."
Just because I'm like, "Would that be awkward?"
Like are we too close for that?
- Are we too far gone?
- [Adrien] Are we too far gone?
- Are we too far deep? Ooh.
- Too close for that is an interesting thing
because what's closer than sharing your life
with someone as a partner.
But I take his meaning if I put myself out there
and she says no, do we ruin the friendship?
- I don't know. - Interesting.
- Because it just never seemed like an option, Ade.
- That's fair.
- It never, ever, ever seemed like an option.
So I don't let myself think about that for too long.
But it wasn't like the secret four
or five year long like pining after you either.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
I think the most overlap we've had when we were
both single was like that four days.
- That four days.
- So, not an option because they were both taken.
- Were both single for the first time.
- Yeah. - At the same time, I mean,
horribly horridly down under.
- I talked about this earlier.
- Oh my gosh. - Yeah.
- Horridly down bad, speaking for myself.
I felt like you were one of the only people
that fully understood me.
Even if you didn't agree with every single thing that I said
or like you just made me feel really heard
and seen and and understood
at a time where I needed to feel seen and understood,
'cause I was in so much pain
and confusion and embarrassment.
- You know she said that she wouldn't let herself
think on it too long.
So there's was something there.
She just would push it to the side.
- [Tatiana] And you didn't at all.
- And she's saying you didn't take advantage of me
when you could've.
- Feelings are weird, feelings are complicated.
But we were the only two people we hung out with for a week.
- Yeah.
- We got sick together, we quarantined together
before quarantining was a thing.
Yeah, we just spent all day, every day together
for days on end.
And I was like "Wait a minute, I'm not sick of him."
(man laughs) Hmm.
- I feel like more for me, I kind of described it
as us both being in terrible spots for like similar reasons
and like having that person you could like go
to like emotionally and be like and talk about things to.
And be like, "Oh this sucks. This person sucks."
- Yeah.
- And instead of it being like so solution oriented
for once it was like let's wallow in this,
let's talk about this.
Let's feel our feelings.
- [Tatiana] Yeah.
- And it ended up just being us for like a while.
- Yeah. She says "I'm not sick of him yet."
I mean, that is a good indicator when you're dating somebody
you need to spend time, a lot of time.
- Alternate sharing something you consider
a positive characteristic of your partner
and share a total of five items.
- You have a lot of positive characteristics.
You're very loving and like the people you love
you care for genuinely and wholeheartedly without question.
- That's true.
You are very protective of the people that you love.
It's yeah, as somebody that's been protected by you
that's an amazing feeling.
Good characteristic for you.
- You're really intelligent and you use-
- So they definitely see each other.
- You don't make it-
- And in some ways the fact that they haven't
gotten romantically or sexually involved has helped them
to see each other more clearly.
Because that can cloud your judgment.
It can cloud your vision if you get involved that way
too soon, 'cause you feel super connected.
Right? And is it real or is it a mirage?
- Or as well but more specifically like you,
your breadth of knowledge fascinates me.
Like it is so cool, cause I used to think you were
a know-it-all and maybe you still are. (laughs)
I definitely used to think that about you.
But I realize over time, like you just know a little bit
about a lot and a lot about certain things for sure.
But your capacity to retain new information
is astonishing.
- Very specific.
- You are a sponge for knowledge.
- Instead of saying you're pretty
or you're smart or you're funny,
to get specific about what makes this person unique,
shows that you truly know them like
and you've put in the time and the effort to know them.
- Don't do this to me.
- No, I'm serious.
Like I think talking to you and confiding in you
is one of the best things that I have
because I can bring something so heavy to you.
Something that's just absolutely like heavy on my soul,
heavy on my heart and like we'll sit
and we'll talk about it.
If I want solutions, you'll gimme solutions.
If I want to sit and wallow in my self pity,
like you know you'll do that with me too.
But I always come out of that conversation
or out of any conversation with you where I feel
like I either feel figured out
or I feel like even if something's still there,
it just doesn't weigh on me as much.
You know what I mean?
But like you just make everything feel easier.
- [Producer] You're going to have four minutes.
- Four minutes of eye contact.
- No!
- [Producer] Stare into each other's eyes.
- Yes. - For four minutes.
- [Tatiana] Yes.
- How do you do this without being silly or cheesy?
- [Adrien] You laughed immediately.
- Not a staring contest.
We're allowed to blink.
- But it's so intimate when
because it breaks down the walls.
The walls of awkwardness,
the walls that I need to make this a joke.
Like if you can actually hold that eye contact.
- [Adrien] In the beginning I felt uncomfortable
like staring and then over time I just got
more and more comfortable.
And then it got to a point where like eye contact
for that long of a period just kind of felt more natural.
- I don't think I'm scared of silence necessarily
but I just thought it might be weird.
And then I found myself counting and then
as I like the longer that I looked into his eyes
I forgot to count and I was just thinking like,
"What is he thinking right now?"
Like, "Why can't I read him?
I thought I knew him better than this."
And then it just flew by, like the timer went off
and I was like, "Wait, that felt like two minutes,
not four." (laughing)
- As the date went on, I got more curious about things
and I feel like now I'm more curious about things
I didn't know I was curious about before I got here.
And I can't really say whether those are rooted
in romantic feelings or friendship only
because I feel like there's always gonna be a connection
with me and Tatiana.
But now I feel more comfortable expressing that
and kind of seeing what that might be like.
- This is like the very beginning
of considering each other as options.
So, I don't know,
I think it would be a bit forward to be like,
"Okay now's the time now that we've done this
and we've gone on our first date technically."
But yeah, I still think
that we're at the beginnings of considering this idea.
So, I don't think it's the time,
but we've set up a path for the time maybe.
- Exactly.
- [Producer] So, You now have to make a decision.
- Oh, God
- You can't fall in love with somebody that fast.
- [Producer] You can either go back somebody if you feel
like you wanna continue exploring
this relationship romantically or you can leave right now
if you don't feel like there's a true romantic connection.
What are you gonna do?
- Boom.
- Is it like a make a decision now, type thing or?
- I swear if only one of them comes in,
I'm walking, I'm revolting,
I ride at dawn.
So he's definitely interested.
- I feel more nervous
- For it to be real love,
it takes the time to really get to know somebody.
But the reason why they might develop those feelings faster
at this point in their journey is 'cause
they've done all the work to lay that foundation.
- [Adrien] Even if it's not a hundred percent like romantic
on either of our parts or both of our parts.
They're still room to have that conversation,
still being like fresh or like a new idea
for the both of us.
So I'm not necessarily thinking solely friendship
and I don't think that's a bad thing.
(hopeful music)
- Aww!
- Hi.
- The suspense is real.
- Hi.
- You okay? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah. - Are you?
- I thought I was gonna get a letter (indistinct).
- I dunno.
Does this mean that there's no letter?
- I didn't write one.
- [Producer] You both chose to come back.
(group laughs)
- I was like, "Bro they going sending out
a letter or something."
Jesus.
- Okay. I was freaking out.
I didn't know what to do when I saw you.
I was like, "If he hands me a letter."
- (indistinct) was like, "I swear if she walks in here
and hands me a letter and walks out,"
I'm just kidding., I wouldn't have done that.
(man laughs)
- So, you chose to come back?
- [Adrien] You chose to come back.
- I do.
You do.
You smell yummy.
- I still smell good? - Yes.
- 'Cause I'm sweating.
- I'm sweating. It's hot.
It's hot. I was nervous.
It was weird.
You wanna know why? I know something shifted.
Something shifted, I fear.
- Something shifted, I fear.
- Let me tell you why.
- Hmm.
- Because I missed you.
I was like, "Oh gosh, that was nice."
Sitting across from you. - Yeah.
- Asking questions.
I thought I knew everything about you.
- [Adrien] That's very true.
- I heard stuff that I'd never heard before.
- Yeah.
- It's crazy.
- I was like- - Gotta keep asking.
- I feel like now I'm more curious
and I have more questions than I didn't even know I had.
- You know what did it for me? Staring at you.
- I said the same thing.
- Because I was like, "Hmm, what is he thinking about?"
- I was like I've never looked at her eyes that long.
Like continuously, four minutes.
- Her ass that long.
- You're looking at her face.
(group laughing)
- You know what? - Hm?
(indistinct)
- Mm. - Mm-hm.
- That was petty. - Come on.
- Alright, let's go
- Oh, that's awesome.
So developing an actual connection takes time
and they've done that.
And it takes taking interest in who the other person is,
what they want out of life, what their passions are,
what their fears are, what their weaknesses are.
It takes being willing to be vulnerable yourself
and to open up and to own your crap.
And it takes that spark,
that indefinable spark of chemistry.
And I don't know if it was there before
and they were just in denial about it
because they were friends
or if they never really felt it before
because they didn't explore that space.
But it's there now. Look at that at the end.
That's real. That's chemistry. that's good stuff.
The best relationships tend to be built
on the foundation of friendship, which doesn't mean
that you can't meet a stranger and fall in love
and have a healthy relationship.
But for it to be a healthy relationship,
you have to be friends, right?
You have to build that foundation.
So this is absolutely beautiful.
I love this.
If you like this, check out
four tips to having a healthy relationship.
That video's right here for you to watch.
And if you are needing help with your dating life,
I have a course on healthy dating on our membership site.
You can go to mendedlight.com to learn more
about that and take our online courses.
Do our live Q&A's with us, with Alicia and I.
Have you ever fallen in love with a friend?
Are you currently in love with your friend?
Are you married to your friend?
How did that go?
Let us know in the comments below, good or bad.
We look forward to learning from you.
As always, folks keep shining because we need your light.
(upbeat music)