*Wapush* Top of the mornin' to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye
And welcome to...!
...Is it- euh
*Music raises*
It's not fucking doin' it-
(In game)" Soda Drinker."
(Both) "PRO!"
(laughing)
There we go, perfect intro!
All I had to do was be a few seconds later and it would've been perfect!
But, you know what? Screw it!
So this is a game that's supposed to simulate what it's like to drink soda.
Which- I don't know, it looks PHENOMENAL right off the bat,
It doesn't look anything like something I could create in Microsoft Paint
But that's fine.
Um... Customization?
What kinda customization do I have?
And how do I click into it?
How do I click anything in this fuckin' game?!
Hello?
I-I think I broke it.
There- There we go. There we go- now the thing is showing up!
(laughing) Aw, this is off to a great start!
Uh, I can- I can change my density...
I can change my viscosity, my carbonation....
Emotional intensity? I'm at 790 moments!
Leverage- 68 ankles?
Condensation- 38 droplets
I don't know what's happening, I'm just gonna get in and do this
Level 1, The Beach. A lovely place to drink a soda.
I-I agree! Ohhh, mother of fuck (laughing)
(Voice in-game) "I wonder if there's a way to get a million sodas?!"
(laughing) What is this?!
You should go into steam as well, right now, and look at the trailer for this game
Because it's fucking ridiculous. And awesome!!!
I love it.
Okay, drink my soda.
What- what's- what the fuck is happening?
Is my goal to get more soda?
(Voice in-game) "I wonder if there's a way to get a million sodas?!"
(Extremely loud voice in-game) "BONUS SODA."
Jesus Christ, this is making me feel dirty in my core.
This is awesome!
(Voice in-game) "I'm walking around with a soda in my hand, and I love it."
Okay... Thank you, left ear channel.
My left ear loves this.
(Extremely loud voice in-game) "BONUS SODA."
(Mimicking) Bonus soda!
Is this all I do is just drink soda and walk around just like- What the fuck is this...?
And why is Sauron's eye just staring at me?
(Voice in-game) "Another day, another sode."
Another day, another soda, bro.
That's how it go.
What's happening?
(Loud slurping)
Ohhhhh! I have to hold left click and then hold right click to drink!
Oh okay, now I get it!
There we go!
THIS is soda! THIS is what it's all about.
360 NO-SCOPE SODA SIP! Helll yeah, dawg.
Is something supposed to happen, what happens when I run out of soda?
I was getting bonus sodas, but I wasn't- Ah, shit.
Level 2, The Park. Walking with a nice cold soda.
(Douche voice) You know when you're walking through the park, man,
And you got yourself a nice cold soda
Dats- Dat's soda.
That's soda, ma- (Normal) Oh god, did I just get faster?
(Extremely loud voice in-game) "BONUS SODA."
(Douche voice) Booonus soda, bruh!
I think I'm going crazy.
What the fuck is that over there?
(Voice in-game) "Walking in the park with a soda."
(Douche voice) Walking in the park with a soda, man. It's all good.
Did I find a secret?
Did I find the secret to soda?
Just gonna- I love the idea of going around and seeing all this weird shit, but just sitting down like-
(Sip)
(With a lisp) This is crazy.
Okay, that soda is flipping around...
Climb, soda mountain!
(Extremely loud slurping)
Level 3, Drink Soda In A Weird Room.
Pretty mu- Pretty sure I did that twice already- Ohhh, god....
Yeah, I- I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy.
I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. Also, I walk faster sideways than I do any other direction
(Voice in-game) "I'm so happy to have my soda."
I'm so happy to have my soda, too!
But can I have?
(Extremely loud voice in-game) "BONUS SODA"
BONUS SODA!
"BONUS SODA."
It's kinda Rick and Morty-esque
I'm in a weird, weird room drinking soda, man
-Just saying exactly what's happening
I feel like I'm in the intro for the Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Now this is a story all about how I drank my soda and lost my mind!
Drinking Soda In Space.
I'm into this.
I- (laughing) I'm less into this now.
Oh, god.
Are the planets revolving around me?
(loudly in game) "Only fifty more sodas to go...
What.
The fuck.
What is happening? This is a DARK path.
(yelling over game noise) This is a DARK PATH TO GO DOWN.
What is happening!?
I'm losing my fuckin' mind!
What started out as normal--what started out as a nice just
soda in the park!
(music intensifies)
Is turning into weird shit.
Drinking soda in a castle!
Another day another soda man.
"Bonus soda!"
UUUMM.
I'm drinkin' soda inside a mouth!!
(Voice in-game) "The science of soda is simply marvelous."
Oh God, it's so loud!
HELP!
Drink the soda, just drink the soda and you'll be fine.
Drinkin' soda is the way out of all of my problems.
LOOK at the jumbo soda!
I'm trippin' BALLS!!
"Bonus soda."
B-B-B-BONUS SODA.
Drinking a refreshing soda before a convention.
Hey, this one doesn't sound so bad!
"Getting ready for the big conference."
"Time for a soda."
Yeah...
Drink a soda, man.
Am I holding a fucking convention for GIANTS?!
"Charts and graphs...(loud slurping)...make the soda even better."
Yeah.
Sure!
(Sobbing) I want my mom...
(Slurping intensifies)
I wanna go home.
I wanna go home. I don't like it anymore.
I-I wanna go!
Just-What's happening!?
I don't want this soda anymore!
(starting to cry) Soda is ruining my LIFE!
"The soda entrances-"
Just don't listen to the soda, just don't listen. Just play the game just don't listen to soda.
Don't listen to the inner monologue. Walk towards the owl, the creepy night owl.
(Low and close to microphone) It's fine.
It's fine, I'm just at the country fair with my soda now.
(Creepy music)
Everything is nice now.
I don't even care that everything is crazy and weird.
Soda...
I love soda...soda's the best...
Lots of soda.
Just give-just one more soda that's all I need...
(Back to normal voice) Soda's the best!
(laughing)
Have you ever just soda'd?
And then wondered how much soda is soda? (laughing)
Sodaaa!
Agh, more like 'So-DUH!'
'I want more soda!'
Haha!
EVERYTHING IS FINE!!
Everything is
(Inhuman voice) NORMAL!
(Back to normal, screaming) SODA!
This is where I live now.
On the giant carrots.
The giant carrots of soda.
So much soda, makes me wanna soda!
(Growling) Soda...
Dude, is that soda over there?
You got more soda on these giant carrots?
Hello, Mister giant rabbit-wolf!
You want soda? I got soda!
"BONUS SODA!"
Booonus soda.
So much soda.
I love soda.
(Whispering) Woah...
So high up.
"I love this soda."
(Whispering) This is the best soda. Sky high soda.
Soda in the mountains.
Soda on the building.
I've nothing to fear...
As long as I have soda.
Woahhhh.
Sodaaa.....
This is awesome
Sodaa...
(Loud and frantic) Gotta drink soda! Gotta drink soda! There's so much soda around!
Is there soda on the the wall?! There's soda on the wall! There's soda in the gas!
We're not fillin' up our cars with gas we're fillin' up our cars with soda!
Caaars and gas go together like sodaa and a mouth!
So much soda, I want all the soda!
Heyy, giant cat! You want some soda, you want some of my soda giant cat?!
Here! Just have some!
Shhh, pet the giant cat sooooda!
(Slow-mo and slurring words) Sooda....
Sooo much sodaaa...
Driiink it all up for booonus sodaaa.
Bllllooouugggghhhh...
(High-pitched, fast and sped up) So much soda I love this soda on top of the mountain I LOOVE
A nice cold soda up here in the mountains.
Don't even need to refrigerate my soda anymore when I'm up in the mountains.
I wonder If I can get into that hot air balloon that's shaped like the wooorld.
Just me and my soda, forever!
All the way on top of the mountain, do you want a nice cold soda on top of the mountain?
Up here there's not a care in the world because
(screaming) SOODA--
(Normal voice) I'm on a human butt.
The world has come full circle.
Did you ever just wanna drink a soda on the back of a man's ass?
I have.
The soda circle is complete.
The seven circles of hell shall align!
(Growling) And YOU TOO can drink soda!
SODA on top of a mountain!
SODA in the woods!
SODA on a human butt!
SODAAA...
I love soda. (Background whispering 'soda' constantly) Soda so much.
I gotta sleep with my soda. Soda. All I-All I need in life is soda. SODA. (Anti giggling)
(Background whispering intensifies, Jack's voice becoming inhuman) Have you had your soda today? I've had my soda.
Sodaaa....
Soda. Soda.
Soda, soda. Soda.
(Laughing) Soda.
Soda, soda.
Soda, hah, soda.
So-AAH!
(Panting) Oh.
I just had the weirdest fuckin' dream.
I-I just dreamt...
that EVERYTHING was soda.
That's the craziest shit ever, man.
I just hallucinated all that, didn't I?
(In-game voice chanting "BONUS SODA" while Jack screams)
(Outro music)
Well that was a thing that happened. (Laughing)