Hello internet - and welcome back to the most ponderous platform on the Internet - Life’s
Biggest Questions, the channel where we choke on canonised fiction and cough it off into
the chemical cosmos.
As always, I’ll be your host Jack Finch - and today we’re asking the question, What
If The Predator Was Real?
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Now - Sci-Fi fans the world over have been salivating over the idea of an intergalactic
way-faring species of terrifying space creature hunters ever since Arnold Schwarzenegger first
stepped onto the silver screen in 1987’s Predator.
But Dutch, everyone’s favourite Green Beret, did what any good military trained special
forces soldier would do under such circumstances - he killed it.
Well - actually, the Predator killed itself via self inflicted negatron bomb, because
little did Dutch know - he’s part of the Yautja, the most death metal humanoids the
universe has ever known - and if they were real, we’d been in very - very deep trouble.
Known collectively as the Yautja - or the Hish-Qu-Ten - Dutch’s nemesis is part of
an extraterrestrial species that are universally renowned by their hunting of horrific space
creatures for nothing more than the pure fun of it - and the sport and honor that comes
with it.
So much so - that they’ve built their entire civilization around the fact some spooky Xenomorph
goes bump in the night - and they want to cut off it’s head.
Colloquially known as Predators or Hunters, these guys are anatomically pretty similar
to us.
They’re bipedal humanoids, physically distinguished by their massive height - ranging from 7 to
over 8 feet tall - as well as their hair-like appendages sticking out of their heads, nicknamed
dreadlocks.
Their skin is reptilian - and their most distinctive feature is their arthropod-like mandibles
on either side of their jaws.
The biological purpose of these mandibles is unclear - but some researchers have proposed
that they may be used in reproduction or mating rituals.
Their use also ranges to convey emotions - flared mandibles meaning anger or surprise, clicking
mandibles signifying interest or curiosity - which even ranges to an inquisitive grin.
Because of their anatomy, their biological makeup is more akin to that of an Earth reptile,
and have evolved to be a tropical species that are much more comfortable and functional
in warmer climates.
I mean - they have incredibly advanced survival suits, but they’ve got to take it off sometime,
right?
Right?
Their homeworld, Yautja Prime, has two major biomes: a dry, hot desert with rivers of flowing
lava - and a humid, wet jungle.
This has led to some lethal doses of radioactivity in certain areas on the planet - but the Predators
tend to shrug it off with relative ease.
Because of their planets insanely hot climate - Predators tend to only leave their planet
if their destination is in a hot season.
So - potentially, this could be good news for us humans!
We’re already off to a good start, because even at our hottest environments, the Yautja
would still probably find it a little uncomfortable.
And even then - we could just retreat to the Northern Hemisphere and build ourselves a
Predator-free fortress.
I hear Greenland is nice.
Bad news though if global warming continues to heat up the planet - as the Predators might
see it as an expansive opportunity, and all of a sudden we’ll see an influx of human-hunting
holiday makers setting up camp and looking to stay permanently.
Not so great.
Yautja culture is incredibly complex, but revolves around one very strict Code of Honor.
This code expects all members of the species to adhere to without exception - and to break
it, purposefully, accidentally or even unwillingly - is an irredeemable offense, that marks a
Yautja as a Bad Blood.
Bad Blood’s are bad news, exiled from Yautja society, and then considered fair game for
other honorable hunters.
The hunting of Bad Blood’s is even a profession in Predator society, called Arbitrating.
I hear it’s pretty well-paying, and the benefits are competitive.
Good news if you’re either a pregnant woman, elderly or ill person though - because you’d
be exempt from death due to the humbling nature of the Predator’s Code of Honor.
Number 11 on the Predator’s Commandments is Never Harm the Ill or Offspring.
Yautja are known to have a very strict law on the killing of those that are pregnant
and those that are sick.
They are bound by honor to let them live, and even if a pregnant mother is armed - the
Yautja are forbidden to do them harm.
So then - does that mean, if the Predator Was Real, our best hope of survival would
be An Army of Pregnant Women?
Hell yes.
I don’t know about you, but under the threat of a Predator assault, I’d feel pretty safe
at the thought of hundreds of thousands of expecting mothers blasting away the Yautja
so they can make Earth safe for their impending offspring.
In fact - I think it’s pretty much the best chance we’ve got.
In all seriousness though, If The Predator Was Real, and the Yautja as a species were
aware of the existence of humans, we’d be hunted constantly, and things would quickly
be pretty miserable.
It’d be the go to spot for any Unblooded Predator trying to snag their first human
kill.
And if the actions of the US government in Aliens vs Predator: Requiem are anything to
go by, there wouldn’t really be much of an Earth left - because they dropped a nuke
on the small city of Gunnison, Colorado after a slight Xenomorph outbreak.
But after all this, I mean, is there any chance that we could just be friends?
If the Yautja are real, then by proxy the Xenomorph’s are real - and then the Engineers,
and then the Predalien’s and the Preatorian’s.
The list goes on and it’s pretty long, and more scarier than a Xenomorph’s inner jaw.
All of a sudden, the universe looks like a pretty terrifying place, and what would be
better than making a galactic, democratic alliance with the Yautja?
Their technology is insanely advanced, and if the events of Predator: Concrete Jungle
are anything to go by, then Predator/Human hybrids are genetically a very viable possibility.
Who knows?
Maybe we’d lose a few lives in the process, but maybe we’d also learn a thing or two.
In Alien vs Predator, Lex pretty much becomes best friend’s forever with the titular Predator,
named Scar.
They even share a belly-laugh together.
And there’s always going to be a Xenomorph to kill, so perhaps we can help share the
load.
Who knows?
Do you know?
Why don’t you let us know in the comment box down below.
Unfortunately, that’s all we’ve got time for in today’s LBQ - but if you’ve enjoyed
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You’ve been watching Life’s Biggest Questions - as always, I’ve been your host Jack Finch,
make sure to take it easy - and remember, there’s no such thing as a stupid question.