Divorce and remarriage. Is it sinful to remarry? It is sinful to get divorced? What are the
biblical grounds for divorce? A reporter asked a couple, "How did you manage to stay together for
65 years?" And the woman replied, "We were born in a time where if something was broken, we would fix
it. Not throw it away." Divorce is on a decline but is still very common in our culture today.
Even though everyone says the vows "till death do us part" on their wedding day, very few seriously
commit to these vows for a lifetime. Although there are legitimate reasons for divorce,
and some marriages are better for it. Divorce is the death of a relationship and every death
is painful. Here are a few facts about divorce, especially in the United States. Overall the rate
of divorce in the United States is falling, but also fewer couples choose to marry. Most people
just cohabitate. US divorce rate is one of the highest in the world. There are currently over
750 000 divorces in the USA each year. The rate of divorce increases in relation to how many times
you marry. So the more times you get married; the more chances you have to get divorced. The average
length of a marriage in the USA is 8.2 years. The rate of divorce after 10 years is 48% for those
who marry before the age of 18. But the rate is just 25% for those who marry after the age of 25.
So that means if you marry later your chance of divorce are lower. People are 75% more likely to
end their marriage if a friend is divorced. Most Americans who file for divorce do so
between January and March. The holidays play a big role actually, in fights that can't be
reconciled and people just drop the ball and they end their marriage in divorce. Marriage
is a contractual binding commitment to live and sleep together in a moral relationship recognized
by God and society. Enacted verbally, validated legally and consummated physically. Divorce is
the breaking of that covenant. It's forsaking of the marriage contract, with all its legal moral
and physical obligations. We must understand the Bible is not silent on the topic of divorce. In
the beginning God created marriage and He intended this marriage to be permanent. Genesis chapter 2,
Mark chapter 10. Even though divorce was allowed under the old covenant, it was permitted because
of the hardness of hearts. Which I wonder if this is not the real root cause of every divorce. The
heart of humanity. It was not God's perfect will for divorce to happen. Jesus confirmed
that in Matthew 19:7-8. "They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of
divorce and to put her away?' And He said to them, 'Moses because of the hardness of your hearts
permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.' " The hearts of
people were hard and unchanged because they were not willing to accept God's standards of love
for their life. Divorce was an option available to the husband but it's not clear whether the
wife could initiate it. In Deuteronomy 24:1 it says, "When a man takes a wife and marries her,
and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her,
and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house."
The expression "some uncleanness" is debated by Jewish people. There's one school of thought,
Shamai, that limits this to a moral cause. Another school of thought Hillel. They include
any other cause like bad breath, snoring, a running sore or even bad cooking, could be the
reason why you as a husband find an uncleanness and you can let your wife go with a certificate
of divorce. There's something else to consider. After the return from the exile in Babylon,
Ezra along with the leaders required everyone to divorce their foreign wives. Ezra chapter
10. This was to ensure the purity of the Hebrew religion, which would be tainted by the influence
of the foreign gods and pagan practices that other nations had. Something else I want you to consider
is that the Bible is very clear that God hates divorce. In Malachi 2:16 it says, "For the Lord
the God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garment with violence."
God doesn't hate divorced people. He hates what divorce does to people. Divorce causes emotional
pain, confusion, frustration. 60% of all divorces involve children. Divorce is especially hard on
children. Psychology today mentioned one study: When they asked children of divorced parents,
if they felt better off because their parents gotten divorced, rather than staying in
an unhappy marriage? Many children responded that they would fantasize about their parents getting a
magical reconciliation and that they would rather stay in an unhappy marriage of their parents,
than stay when their parents are separated. So God hates divorce because of what it does to people.
In the same way God hates sin because of what it does to people. Sin hurts others, so does divorce;
but God loves divorced people. This may come as a shock to some, that God himself is divorced. Yes
He is a faithful husband and He divorced Israel for her continuous unfaithfulness. But then we
know that He remarried Israel after they returned to the Lord in Jeremiah chapter 3 and Isaiah
chapter 50. So that's in the Old Testament, divorce was allowed. It's very debatable about
what causes are for divorce. But Jesus clearly went to the root of the problem and said that
the problem is the heart of humanity, and because of that God permitted but it's not
God's perfect will. Now let's look at what Jesus said specifically concerning divorce. What's His
standard? Jesus standard for marriage was really high. In fact after His teaching
on marriage and divorce, disciples said this, "If such is the case of the man with his wife,
it's better not to marry." Let's look what Jesus said in Matthew 19:9 "And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery;
and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery." Ouch. I mean that's pretty clear,
whoever divorces and remarries for any other reason except sexual sin is committing adultery.
But Jesus is not saying that divorce is the solution for marital infidelity. Divorce shouldn't
be initiated in the instance of a one-time affair occurrence, because Christian love, forgiveness
and reconciliation should be the focus. So there's no requirement for divorce in these situations,
but it mostly depends on the hearts of people involved. For those of you who think that divorce
will solve your problems, remember the statistics show that your second marriage would have a higher
chance of ending up in a divorce, not smaller. It's best to work out the problems and to face
them, instead of using divorce as an option. I've known many couples who went through reconciliation
even after something as bad, heartbreaking and painful as adultery. And instead of going
through a divorce, they went through deliverance, they went through counseling, they went through
the process of healing and together today their marriage is better than before. I know that in our
culture word "divorce" is as easy, switching a spouse is as easy as switching your car.
But Jesus's standard on marriage was very high and I think that we need to live up to that standard,
because we have the power of the Holy Spirit to enable us to do that very thing Jesus expected
of us. Now what did Paul say concerning divorce? Apostle Paul reaffirmed the same teaching about
not leaving your spouse if you are a Christian in 1 Corinthians 7:15 he says, "But if the
unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.
But God has called us to peace." Keep in mind this sort of divorce is not initiated by a believer
but by an unbeliever. In fact Paul is arguing that a believer should stay married to an unbeliever
and you can actually win the unbeliever to the Lord. And a woman who has a husband who
does not believe, if he is willing to live with her let her not divorce him.
"For how do you know, O wife, whether you should save your husband? How do you know O husband,
whether you will save your wife?" So Paul is pretty much saying that if an unbelieving spouse
chooses to leave you, let them. In that case you got abandoned. But he's not saying that a
believer now should come to an unbelieving spouse and say, "Well I got saved filled with the Holy
Ghost. You're slowing me down, so I'm gonna leave you." He doesn't give us, the believers,
to initiate divorce. He just says in case the unbelieving spouse will initiate the divorce,
we should let him go and live in peace. So adultery and abandonment are the two New Testament
biblical grounds for divorce. Jesus mentions adultery and Paul mentions abandonment. Now
this may come as a harsh truth for those who feel trapped in an unhappy marriage.
The number one reason people get divorced in the United States is actually not adultery
or abuse. It's irreconcilable differences. In other words they think they cannot get along
and they should go their separate ways. They feel trapped. They feel like they want to live happy,
they only got one life and here is this crazy person who is ruining their dream for happy life.
For a Christian who does not learn to get along with another person, there is no free pass out
of marriage. But there is a call for the process of sanctification and getting marriage counseling.
But what about abuse, you may ask? Even though there is no biblical evidence for that,
I do believe that it's probably an acceptable reason for separation. If staying together with a
criminal or abuser is endangering the life of the spouse or the child; since God called us to peace.
At times setting proper boundaries with the abusive spouse and using tough love helps us to
snap them out of the living in continuous friction and sin. It could initiate behavior change that
could lead to reconciliation and harmonious relationship. As Christians we must understand
is we were given a ministry of reconciliation. We have to strive to fulfill that ministry and
I believe it starts at home. So many of us when we face challenges in our marriage, we quickly think
that leaving our spouse is the best solution. But what if we would forfeit the Spirit of God
from developing the fruit of kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, self-control. Every person will go
through seasons in their marriage where it seems like I've made a mistake. Why did I get married to
this person? I should have waited longer. I should have been like Jesus and Paul; stayed single.
But when we choose to exercise the fruit of the Spirit, when we allow the Holy Spirit to bring
conviction, we go to counseling, we read books, sometimes get deliverance. The Lord helps us to
overcome and we become sanctified and we become holier. We become holy before we become happy.
I do understand there are exceptions. There are people that this just won't work for
and they have to get divorced and it may be better for them. In that case what do you do?
Jesus's teaching on marriage, divorce and remarriage is very hard to swallow. No matter how
difficult your situation is, we must understand that the words of Jesus are very clear. There's
no way around it. There's no Greek or Hebrew text to explain the harsh truth we need to embrace.
Matthew 19:19. Jesus pretty much says if you get remarried and get a divorce, that does not have
biblical grounds: adultery and abandonment. You're committing adultery. And honestly that hurts.
That's painful. I personally know a lot of Christian people who did everything
they could in a loveless marriage and yet their spouse divorced them without grounds of adultery
and abandonment. What do you do in that situation? I don't think that divorce and remarriage in this
situation is an unpardonable sin but I also don't want to sugarcoat it, just because these people
have good intentions and I know them personally. There are four instances when remarrying is not
considered adultery. The first one is if divorce occurred because of adultery
and the faithful spouse remarries as mentioned earlier. The second one is if the person
remarries after their spouse passed away. Which is technically death, not a divorce because death
ends marriage covenant. Death dissolves marriage. The third instance is when unbeliever deserts
the marriage with a believer. And we don't see any prohibition for a believer not to get remarried.
And the last one, is when a divorced couple who did not remarry after their divorce but later
decide to reconcile and be married again with each other. If someone initiates a wrongful divorce
and later recognizes the mistake of their ways and sincerely repents. They have a full assurance of
God's Word that they have been forgiven. The sin that leads to divorce or the sin of divorce can
be forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ. The consequences of divorce however don't get undone.
It takes a toll on a person, plants seeds for broken homes for future generations.
That calls for counseling, community, soul healing and even deliverance to move into the future
that God has for each person. I want to encourage you. If you are in a difficult marriage, to do
everything that you can. it's not just about this life on earth, it's about our relationship with
God for eternity. Maybe you've been divorced and you recognize there was no grounds for divorce or
you've got divorce because of your sin of adultery and maybe you've repented. And like
that woman caught in the act of adultery Jesus is speaking to you today, "Go and sin no more.
I don't condemn you." This doesn't give us a license to do whatever we want. This is not
a license to sin but it's empowerment to live a holy life, to live a life that pleases God.
There's many things you can do to affair-proof, divorce-proof your relationship by putting Jesus
first in your relationship. And by allowing the Holy Spirit to produce the fruit of the Spirit by
using your spouse to help expose certain things that need to be worked on. God bless you. Thank
you for watching this video and let me know in the comments below on what you think, what is your
thought about the topic of divorce and remarriage? Are you divorced? Have you been remarried? Did
that happen before Christ or after Christ? You can share your testimony if you feel comfortable below
this video to help us understand this situation more and to have a healthy discussion. Please like
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