There's kitsch, there's camp, and then there’s… whatever is happening here.
Even if you're someone who thinks the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special is delightfully
bonkers, you gotta admit that there are a few aspects that are... rather nightmarish.
Agreed?
Before the opening credits, fans are treated to a brief scene in which Han Solo promises
to get Chewbacca back home in time for Life Day.
"Uhhhhggggh."
"I know your family's waiting."
"UGHHH!"
"I know it's an important day!"
After we're dazzled by the star-studded main title sequence, we get to meet Chewie's whole
family.
And that's when the dread sets in.
Sure, Wookiees are theoretically lovable… but they're just really grating here.
Suddenly, there's just a huge roomful of roaring Wookiees - each with a different vocal pitch,
and continually moaning for several minutes straight.
Is this not super-annoying to you?
The craziest part?
Their conversations aren't translated for the audience.
There are no subtitles whatsoever.
It's a welcome relief when Chewie's rambunctious son Lumpy settles down to watch some hologram
acrobats do their thing.
But even after this bizarre spectacle, you find yourself wondering, "What on Earth am
I watching?
What are they going on about?
Why are the dancers wearing sparkle-bikinis?"
It's very unsettling stuff on the best of days.
It's also really aggravating.
Throughout the special, it's insanely obvious that the young Star Wars stars aren't too
thrilled to be appearing in this special.
Harrison Ford sounds particularly bored:
"That's it, I'm turning back."
Meanwhile, Mark Hamill - caked in what appears to be several pounds of TV makeup - evidently
has no idea where he is, or what he's supposed to be doing.
At least he looks like he might actually be receiving transmissions from space.
"What's up??
Chewbacca…..?"
And Carrie Fisher - an actress who never shied away from discussing her prolific drug use
during this phase of her career - is clearly… well, let's just say she's "coping" with the
production as best she can.
"Mala, it's so good to see you…
Happy Life Day!"
Harvey Korman was a comedy treasure.
He was a staple of the '60s and '70s pop culture landscape, thanks in no small part to his
brilliant work on The Carol Burnett Show and in classic Mel Brooks films like Blazing Saddles.
His persnickety screen persona and impeccable comedic timing made for so many unforgettable
moments.
Unfortunately, none of these moments can be found anywhere in The Star Wars Holiday Special.
In fact, Korman pops up not once, not twice, but on three different occasions - and playing
three different characters, all of which we'll get to in a hot minute.
Let's start with the first one: Gormaanda is a television chef - and Chewie's wife Mala
clearly loves her cooking show.
She watches Gormaanda intently as she prepares the family's Life Day dinner.
"Of course if your family has a hearty appetite, I would suggest that old popular holiday favorite,
the Bantha rump."
Gormaanda is evidently the science fiction equivalent of Julia Child.
It's a premise that's not without comedic potential, but there's just something about
the frenzied, manic energy that we find deeply unnerving.
"Stir, whip!
Stir, whip!
Whip, whip, whip, stir!
Stir, whip, stir, whip, whip whip…"
Sorry, Gormaanda.
You and your four spider-like arms seem to mean well… but you're just a bit much for
our delicate sensibilities.
No disrespect to the late Diahann Carroll, but exactly how did this cameo come about?
Perhaps she thought a Star Wars special sounded like a plum gig, and she certainly did the
best she could with what she was given.
It's just that what she was given, well, there's really no way to put it delicately.
As you can see — and as you can never unsee — she depicts the holographic object of
unbridled Wookiee lust.
Mmm… is it getting hot in here?
Chewie's father - nickname of Itchy - is enjoying what's called a "mind evaporator."
This handy gadget is perhaps responsible for The Star Wars Holiday Special's most uncomfortable
moment.
The Wookiees' family friend Saun - played by Honeymooners star Art Carney of all people
- gives Itchy a very special Life Day gift:
"It's kinda hard to explain.
It's a...
WOW.
Ya know what I mean??"
It takes awhile for her to come into focus, but suddenly, there she is: the legendary
Diahann Carroll, playing some sort of intergalactic disco nymph, much to the delight of the dirty
old Wookiee.
"Oh, yes.
I can feel my creation."
"I'm getting your message."
Yeah, we're all getting the message.
After her coyly seductive introduction, she launches into a performance of the song "This
Minute."
It's a perfectly lovely tune, if perhaps very, very, very, very long.
And Itchy makes the whole thing feel, well, itchy.
The way he grunts, and the way those rancid gums flap excitedly!
It's all a bit much.
"We can have a good time.
Can we?"
"Mmm."
And in case you think any of this is accidental, we should mention that the shooting script
specifically indicates that:
"[Saun presents his gift] as if he is giving Itchy the most X-rated piece of literature
in the galaxy."
Much like Gormaanda, the second character played by Harvey Korman is also part of an
instructional video.
Dromboid is a not-so plucky robot who appears on screen to teach a certain Lumpy - hi, Lumpy
- how to assemble a mini-transmitter.
So: Is Dromboid's scene better or worse than Gormaanda's?
Well... it's different.
Very, very different.
The "joke" in this sequence - if you want to be generous and call it a joke - is that
Dromboid has a tendency to break down, slurring his speech and occasionally unable to move.
"But now let's get started, shall we?"
Sometimes he talks very slowly or stops to adjust various robot parts.
That's it.
That's the whole thing.
And it goes on for several minutes.
The worst part?
Dromboid's appearance occurs about two-thirds of the way through the special.
And by that point, you're already starting to get concerned that this thing is never
going to end.
And then suddenly, you're asked to deal with this kind of material:
"And we'll assemble our mini-transmitters together.”
In one of the special's many awkward scenes, we find ourselves at the Mos Eisley cantina...
the place where Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi met Han Solo and Chewbacca for the
first time.
And this is where we eventually meet Krelman the third and final Harvey Korman character.
Before you can say "Maclunkey!," he's already making your skin scrawl.
Krelman is chatting up the unflappable bartender Ackmena - played by the inimitable Bea Arthur
- in what is clearly an ongoing one-sided flirtation.
It's played like an old-fashioned comedy routine, with two charming performers and the special's
sharpest writing.
Ackmena's prickly dialogue is genuinely funny, especially with the laser-blast precision
of Bea Arthur's delivery.
Unfortunately, none of that can save the scene from the icky feeling of watching a "Nice
Guy" refuse to take a hint.
"Oh excuse me I have a customer waiting.
I'll be right back."
"Come back soon.
I'll be waiting."
Look at poor Ackmena, bound by professional courtesy to put up with him - if perhaps none
too politely.
It's all just way too real.
"I just came in here for a drink… and I found a lot more than that."
"Uh, Curlman…"
"Krelman."
There's also a bit of a physical ick factor in the way Krelman pours a drink into a hole
in the top of his head.
Is that a second mouth up there that's just always open?
Weird, dude.
The good times at the cantina come to an abrupt end following a major buzzkill of an announcement.
Oh no…
Not on Life Day …
"Due to increased activity among subversive forces, we are placing a curfew on the entire
Tatooine system effective immediately."
That means Ackmena has to usher all her loyal patrons out - possibly forever.
Getting the alien revelers to leave proves to be a challenge.
"FELLAS, THE PARTY IS OVER!!"
And so she bursts into a rousing number called "Goodnight, But Not Goodbye.”
It's a song that would get just about anyone out the door in a jiffy.
The whole thing is, of course, deeply silly, but it also turns out to be surprisingly heartfelt.
Bea Arthur, as always, gives it her all - stridently pleading to a room full of rubber-headed monster
masks.
Is it just us, or does the whole scene end up rather affecting in the end?
Really, it all feels a bit like Casablanca, but with a Hammerhead.
And what exactly is the relationship between Ackmena and this humanoid rat?
They're awfully tender with one another.
Anyone?
Thoughts?
Hello?
Star Wars has always seemed to riff off some real-world conflicts.
Fortunately, the films are so fast-paced, fantastical, and full of space wizards with
laser swords, you never get a chance to start dwelling on our real issues here on Earth.
But the stakes get a little too real in The Star Wars Holiday Special, especially since
it's presumably geared towards undiscerning children.
There's the aforementioned scene in which authorities clamp down on so-called "subversive
activity."
And then there's this scene, in which a stormtrooper tears apart a young Wookiees' bedroom in search
of hidden rebels.
Happy holidays!
In fact, The Empire has never felt more like a Nazi regime than they do here.
The special pays a lot of attention to the domestic lives of civilians: You see them
preparing for a joyous holiday celebration, but the festivities occur beneath the looming
shadow of encroaching fascism.
It's bizarrely heavy-handed stuff for a holiday special, no?
As The Star Wars Holiday Special approaches its climax, Chewie arrives home with an intensely
bored-looking Han Solo, who basically manages to trip a stormtrooper, to that stormtrooper's
death!
Like, what just happened here?
At last reunited with his desperately annoying family, Chewbacca begins preparations for
Life Day.
Apparently, this highly anticipated event involves everyone grabbing whatever orbs happen
to be lying around, and then marching slowly and determinedly in their red cloaks towards
a large open space.
Then, they just sort of stand there.
Finally, Princess Leia bursts into song - a Life Day carol titled "A Day to Celebrate."
And it just so happens to be set to the tune of the main Star Wars theme.
Oh, the pageantry!
This all begs the question: What on Earth is Life Day?
In the intro to her song, Leia mentions:
"This is the promise of the Tree of Life."
Hmm… first we ever heard anything about this Tree of Life.
Presumably this is a huge trunk in the background, right?
Is this tree trunk part of the Tree of Life?
We may never know.
Then there's a druggy montage of random Star Wars scenes, as everyone stands around, presumably
meditating on just how rad Star Wars is.
Maybe that's the true meaning of Life Day: Star Wars is rad.
The winter of 1978 was only a few months removed from the record-blasting box office run of
Star Wars: Many theaters kept the movie playing for well over a year past its May 1977 debut.
With The Empire Strikes Back still a year and a half away, the prospect of a Star Wars
holiday special was obviously a big deal.
Just imagine the thrill of hearing an announcer finally rattle off the names of all your favorite
Star Wars characters.
And then, this happened:
"R2-D2 as R2-D2!"
That one's a bit of a head-scratcher, isn't it?
As true adherents of the Force know, R2-D2 was originally performed by the late Kenny
Baker, who controlled the droid in both the original and prequel trilogies - and usually
from inside the costume.
There are conflicting reports as to whether Baker was actually involved in the holiday
special: Sometimes he's credited with working on the 1978 spectacle, but it's worth noting
that filmmaker Mick Garris ists remote-controlling R2-D2 for the holiday special as one of his
earliest gigs.
Regardless, claiming R2 simply played himself is a bit insulting to the performers involved,
and it suggests the droid somehow went sentient for this cheesy variety show.
Of course, there's also the distinct possibility that no one wanted to take credit for R2's
performance here.
The Star Wars franchise is, of course, a monster success, which makes the Star Wars Holiday
Special very special, indeed.
And though the films all have a timeless quality about them, the holiday special is very much
a product of the '70s.
In fact, it looks like your screen has been lightly smeared in Vaseline.
But where else can you find R2-D2 existing alongside Jefferson Starship playing themselves,
and also playing one certifiable clunker of a song.
The Star Wars Holiday Special is unique, surprising, woefully misguided, and an absolute joy to
watch.
And yes, it's disturbing, unless snuggling up to drunken space-rats is your idea of a
good time.
Then again, who are we to judge?
Love is love.
"I find you adorable."
"I'll tell you a secret.
I find you adorable."
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