(Ghostemane song plays)
- I think subconsciously,
in the beginning when I was like 12,
I was sort of always looking for more,
in terms of aggression.
Like, what else is out there?
How crazy does stuff get, you know?
My father was very, like,
anti screaming music and stuff like that.
I mean, he liked, like, rock and roll, you know?
Like, classic rock and stuff like that.
Anything besides that was garbage.
(metal music plays)
He was really militant about everything.
He wasn't gonna get me an electric guitar
until I learned on the acoustic.
At the time, I hated him for it
'cause I wanted to play heavy stuff.
But it ended up being really good because
it was, I guess, inspired me to, like, work with what I got.
From when I, you know, got that first guitar,
and I knew that I was gonna do it forever, I didn't...
I was like, "That'll be amazing if I could do it as, like,
work to pay my bills,"
but I never really saw that as realistic.
I had my dad telling me any chance he could,
because he saw me taking it kinda too seriously,
and I guess he thought I was slacking off of school,
and he said, you know,
"You're never gonna be a rockstar.
That stuff doesn't really happen."
(Lazaretto by Ghostemane plays)
♪ I don't know where to begin, I think I'm ♪
♪ From everything crumbling all around me, so ♪
♪ Out of the deep end, now my back is ♪
♪ I might be jumpin' the gun, I might be jumpin' the gun, ♪
♪ I might be jumpin' ♪
♪ Where will I end up? ♪
♪ If I don't wake up tomorrow ♪
♪ I let the pain do me in ♪
(Lazaretto by Ghostemane plays)
♪ Wake him in the middle of the night, to find I'm all alone ♪
♪ Oh no, where did he go? Where did he go? ♪
♪ Sometimes, I think I'll never know ♪
♪ Speaking all the pain ♪
♪ And all the things that made us hate him ♪
♪ What an ego ♪
♪ I guess I'm better off than I know ♪
(Lazaretto by Ghostemane plays)
♪ Not good enough, not good enough ♪
♪ You're afraid, you're afraid, you're afraid, you're afraid ♪
♪ I don't know where to begin, I think I'm ♪
♪ From everything crumbling all around me, so ♪
♪ Out of the deep end, now my back is ♪
♪ I might be jumpin' the gun, I might be jumpin' the gun, ♪
♪ I might be jumpin' ♪
♪ Where will I end up? ♪
♪ Don't let the pain do you in ♪
(Lazaretto by Ghostemane plays)
I kind of was painting the picture more so in Lazaretto
of putting you guys, like, in my shoes.
First person experiencing what, you know,
the emotions and what the implications of my dad dying,
like, was for me.
I kinda went through reliving things that I, like,
had pushed so far back that it was, like,
I didn't really get to sit there and face it.
Like, the Ghostemane project...
It was a way that I was able to keep music.
That was my therapy, I guess,
and not let it just be work.
I had this burning thing that was just, like,
I can't describe what it was telling me,
but it was this little voice that was just like,
"You're not gonna stop."
I think that that's kinda
what people describe as the calling.
I've heard different things.
Playing onstage, for some reason, kinda just, like,
cured me of this, you know...
I have a place to be now where I can be around people
and I feel confident.
(Hydrochloride by Ghostemane plays)
Since the Ghostemane project started,
I've set out to be this thing that was
genre bending, genre hopping.
I started getting into noise music.
I think I look more for a sound first,
and then I find the instrument that I believe
can execute it the best, that can.
But then once I kinda know how to get that sound,
I like to kinda sort of find other instruments that
might be able to get that sound in their own way.
(Hydrochloride by Ghostemane plays)
♪ You've taken all my pain away ♪
♪ And gave me shiny chains ♪
♪ You've taken all my doubts away ♪
♪ Replaced it with this shame ♪
♪ You took away all my problems ♪
♪ Yeah, you bet ♪
♪ And then you gave me a brand new set ♪
♪ And now I'm not afraid ♪
♪ I don't love you anymore ♪
(Hydrochloride by Ghostemane plays)
♪ I thought I would ride the high so high ♪
♪ Until I can't be reached by gravity ♪
♪ You won't catch me, won't catch me ♪
♪ Everyone except me ♪
♪ But I soon realized the rules apply to me ♪
♪ I'm sorely mistaken, aching now ♪
♪ Takin' out all my rage ♪
♪ And now I'm not afraid ♪
♪ I don't love you anymore ♪
(Hydrochloride by Ghostemane plays)
Hydrochloride was meant to be kind of like
a break-up song with substances specifically
that I was kind of struggling with at the time.
I think a lot of the time,
whether it's, like, intentional or not,
when incorporating things about drugs or addiction,
it's kind of portrayed in a way where it's, like,
either normalized or was glorified,
and that to me is just...
I don't wanna...
I don't understand it really at all
because I think anybody who either is an addict
or has been knows that, like,
there's nothing fun about that at all.
It's shameful.
You gain all these things in the beginning
from this thing that feels so amazing.
It's almost like...
It's literally a toxic relationship, really.
You feel like a better version of yourself.
But you also lost different things along the way, like,
you know, your freedom.
As far as my personal life goes,
that was one of the areas I chose
to never really include in music,
but then that was kind of, like, closure for me in a way.
I was like, "Cool, I feel like I could talk about this
finally in my own way."
(Vagabond by Ghostemane plays)
The Meteora's the best Fender I've ever played,
to be honest with you.
It's my favorite one.
There's something about this one that is just...
I wasn't getting lost in the fretboard at all, and, like,
the guitar is sort of geared towards heavier music in a way.
It seems kind of groundbreaking for Fender, really.
Getting the tone, like,
it really felt a lot easier and sort of more intuitive
to get to that point of satisfaction with it.
The tone knobs, they just have a world of difference.
More dynamic, I guess,
but I'll say it was in that realm of what I need it for,
you know?
♪ It all started when you ♪
♪ Left me for dead, now I've been a wreck ♪
♪ And momma told me daddy ain't gonna be back ♪
♪ And she told me I'm the man now, I guess I'm the man now ♪
♪ Think I need a plan now ♪
♪ Must of been nothing but a jit ♪
♪ Buck teeth, cut like a bowl so that you know ♪
♪ I started from the bottom, fighting all the way up, up ♪
♪ I never wanna go back down ♪
♪ Update, I felt great for a minute straight ♪
♪ Call my shrink and tell him I made a mistake ♪
♪ If only I could delete all the pain and upload ♪
♪ All the things I wanted to be ♪
♪ Bled from my lip, bit down on it ♪
♪ Feel the pain and a taste so metallic ♪
♪ Soulless, I learned to live without it ♪
♪ But I'ma make if out of this, so count on it ♪
♪ It all started when I ♪
♪ Cut the black blood from your tongue like Lavinia ♪
♪ No more lies no, not a one, I wasn't your favorite son ♪
♪ If I could only forget, if I could only delete ♪
♪ If only, if only I could delete my memory ♪
♪ I still would not upload everything you wanted me to be ♪
♪ No truly, I'm happy you're deceased ♪
♪ I don't want nothing ♪
♪ I want everything, I want everything, I want everything ♪
(Vagabond by Ghostemane plays)
♪ You left me for dead ♪
♪ All that died was my innocence ♪
(Vagabond by Ghostemane plays)
♪ It all started when you ♪
♪ Left me for dead now I've been a wreck ♪
♪ And Momma told me daddy won't be coming back ♪
♪ Bled from my lip, bit down on it ♪
♪ Feel the pain and a taste so metallic ♪
That was one of the first ones on the album that I wrote.
It kinda set the tone for the rest of the record.
It's largely really just about my dad passing,
stuff that I haven't really
addressed much in my music before,
and Vagabond, the title, just comes from sort of
the aftermath of that event.
Dad was gone, mom had left, and then it was like,
"Okay, I grew up in this place in Florida, you know?
But then there's no..."
I didn't have any family there really,
so it's sort of, like,
me kind of embracing that as, like, a superpower,
instead of a shitty thing.
(Vagabond by Ghostemane plays)
Anybody who does music, especially at this level, by now,
I don't think anyone would ever really look at a world
where they suddenly don't do it anymore, you know?
It's kind of...
I wouldn't know how to not do it, you know?
The Ghostemane project might, you know,
be retired at some point,
but the music making of mine is never gonna stop.
I'm always gonna have something to get out,
something going on, and you know,
I suck at painting, so I mean... (laughs)
That's always what it's kinda gonna be. Just music, really.
(Vagabond by Ghostemane plays)