-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's a big deal. Thank you for watching us.
Guys, we are dealing with a heat wave right now.
I don't know if you guys know that.
[ Laughter ]
It is a massive heat wave right now across the country.
Yeah, it's pretty gross in the city.
It is so hot, people actually welcome
the drips from the air conditioner.
[ Laughter ]
It was so hot today,
even anti-vaxxers got behind social distancing.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Finally. Finally!
That's right. The whole country's in the midst
of a brutal heat wave, and everyone's doing
what they can to get through it.
In fact, the National Weather Service
just released a list of quick tips
to help everyone beat the heat. And check these out.
First up, they said, "Go on Instagram,
see who's on vacation, then use their pool."
[ Laughter ]
Brilliant. [ Applause ]
Do it.
Next, they said, "Stand over your neighbor's
leaf blower Marilyn Monroe-style."
-Oh. [ Laughter and applause ]
-And, finally, they said, "Look at Governor Cuomo's
approval rating and pretend it's the temperature.
[ Laughter and applause ] These are ideas.
These are just tips that --
Some more news -- the results of the 2020 Census
just came out, and for the first time in American history,
the number of white people went down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
Wait. What?
[ Laughter continues ]
That was an interesting reaction to that.
[ Laughter ]
I didn't want cheers or boos.
I just wanted a --
"Interesting" -- that's all I wanted.
Yeah. -Yahoo!
-Declined. Decline in white people --
People are down, yeah, which probably explains
the decline in wedding D.J.s
playing "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then... ♪
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, you can tell there are --
♪ Turn around ♪
Is there another D.J. song?
-"Don't Stop Believing." -Yeah, of course, yeah.
You can tell there are fewer white people
because now there's plenty of parking outside Vineyard Vines.
[ Laughter ]
Most people shrugged at the decline of white people
while Fox News declared it a national emergency.
[ Laughter ]
Some business news -- I saw that, next week,
Dunkin' Donuts is bringing back its pumpkin-spice products.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's the reaction.
I got the same reaction about the decline
in white people. Yeah.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Same thing. -It's the same thing, yeah.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, that's right.
Dunkin' Donuts is bringing back all of the pumpkin products.
Even the guy putting out Halloween candy at CVS was like,
"Uh, feels kind of early." [ Laughter ]
Some TV news -- last night, the show "Cribs"
returned to MTV. [ Cheers ]
I'm glad the show is back. Before now, the only way to see
inside a celebrity's house was by looking at their Instagram,
TikTok, Snapchat, or Facebook.
[ Laughter ]
And, finally -- this is amazing -- a surgeon
in Cincinnati operated on a torn ligament in his own hand.
[ Audience "Oohs" ] -Ooh.
-Sadly, the operation didn't go as planned,
and now he's suing himself for everything he has.
[ Laughter and applause ] We have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen!
-♪ First time I fell in love was a doozy ♪
♪ The only thing I've ever dealt with before was a floozy ♪
♪ Then she came through like something out of the movies ♪
♪ All my people used to tell me how they lied and they used me ♪
[ Rapping indistinctly ]
♪ She don't be dealin' with some other gentlemen, do she ♪
[ Cheers and applause ] -What a show!
What a show we have for you tonight.
You can see him in season 2 of "Modern Love"
on Amazon Prime Video. Kit Harington is here!
[ Cheers and applause ] Look at that.
-A delight. -Plus, she stars in the reboot
of "iCarly," on Paramount+. Miranda Cosgrove is joining us!
[ Cheers and applause ]
And we've got great music from Duran Duran!
-Oh! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Then, later in the show, we have all-new "Thank You Notes."
It's gonna be a good show tonight, yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, this -- this is our 1,500th show tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow.
-That is unbelievable. They have some numbers here.
We have 200 shows a year. -Yeah.
-7 1/2 years. -Mm-hmm.
-We have 28 million subscribers on YouTube.
-Ooh. -We told 20,000 monologue jokes.
3,000 guests, 2,000 thank-you notes, 300 hashtags.
Five Madame Tussauds wax dummies.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Do you remember? We had five made.
-Five of them. -They're in different locations.
-All over the world. -Yep.
I'm wearing one of the dummies' wigs right now, yeah.
-Are you serious? [ Laughter ]
Now you don't have to do your own hair.
-We have our own Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
-And we have a roller coaster at Universal Studios.
-Oh, that's fun. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] Not bad.
1,500 shows all that to happen.
I just want to thank everyone here
that works on the show, the crew and everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
They work so hard.
Everyone in the booth. Steve Higgins.
Steve Higgins, thank you very much.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And, of course, The Roots, The Roots!
Come on.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Steve, do you have a speech? -Yes, I do.
When Jimmy first came to me -- -Hey, Steve, we don't have --
Can you just cut to the good part?
-Uh...I thank you all. -Wow. Okay, there you go.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I know you meant it. I know you meant it.
Tariq, any words? What is --
-He said it all, man. He summed it all up.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, he did say it perfectly. Yeah, he did say it perfect.
But I really do. You know, we couldn't do the show
without people watching us, and so thank you, everybody,
for watching our show on TV. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you, NBC, Peacock, whatever you watch online.
We really appreciate it.