i saw you the other night on the oscars
as ali g i thought you were very funny
you did a great job you know there you
are
i want to ask you something i found out
i find it hard to believe the producers
of the oscars are
so controlling their they don't like
surprises
they didn't know that you were going to
come out as ali g is that right
that is correct that is correct they
brought me in there
and they said listen what are you what
are you planning because you've done
things to them in the past which we'll
talk about but you have
kind of pranked the oscars in the past
and they thought we don't want any
nonsense
yes so they sat me down and sat me down
with the producer they said what are you
planning i said absolutely nothing
and they said all right we want you to
introduce a clip to the movie room
and they go this speech it's and it was
basically you know
in a world far away where people have
complete freedom
down to a tiny room where a mother and
so they said you happy to read that i
said
perfect great but secretly i knew i was
going to do ali allergy but my
thing was i knew that they would be
trying to see whether i'd smuggle
anything in so
my wife very kindly smuggled the beard
in her
underwear is that true that is actually
true that's a true story that's true yes
that's a good wife well that is the real
one
okay so you she's has hurt the beer
just in case anyone checks down there
there's an excuse to have some
a bit of bush there yeah and uh i've got
the cap the allergy cap and the we put
the glasses in another bag
and then essentially 30 minutes before
the i had to go on uh we went into this
bathroom right on the side of the stage
and she put the beard on me because she
went into the bathroom with you and she
did your makeup for ali g
secretly yes so then when you walk out
at that moment the producers the
director everybody
they just oh god he did it he did it to
us yes the good thing is hollywood is
one of the places where you can
disappear into a toilet for half an hour
without any one question
they thought they thought there could be
two or three things that me and my wife
are doing
neither of them involved going to the
actual toilet exactly
there's a uh there's a story i don't
know if it's true but you
famously you went to the oscars dressed
as the dictator
and you were carrying i believe the
ashes of
off the late uh kim jong-il yes
and they didn't want you you actually
you spilled the ashes all over ryan's
secret
accident
[Applause]
[Music]
accidents happen accidentally you're
such an
yes i love it so anyway they knew that
you might try something how did you get
away with that
well they called out my agent and they
said if sasha comes within a mile off
the oscars we have 250
agents right you know police officers
and he will be arrested
and i thought that's a little bit unfair
because i was in this movie called hugo
yeah and he was nominated for a bunch of
academy awards and of course they said i
want you there at the oscars you have
every right to be
exhausted as a legitimate actor exactly
so there was a bit of two and four
eventually they said all right sasha can
come
but you know any funny business and
there's a problem so i get to the first
checkpoint
i've got a limousine and i have two
women dressed up as virgin guards who's
gaddafi had these virgin guards with him
and we have
kim jong-il's ashes in this urn yeah
which i've
put flowers on the top so it looks like
it's a peace offering
academy anyway we get to the first fbi
checkpoint and they have a clipboard and
i look on the clipboard and there's a
picture of me with the beard
[Laughter]
don't let this man in and the guy says
you know i'm gonna have to check the car
and i go why and it goes because we
believe that you're carrying in firearms
into the oscars and i thought all right
i don't have any guns but i
am bringing in the ashes of a late dead
uh
dictator yeah so i thought how do i stop
them from actually finding the urn so i
said all right
fine check everything and really you'd
best sort of check me
fully and also you'd better check the
women and the guy popped his head in saw
these two
women got completely embarrassed and
said you know what go in
and then once i got in there they said
listen you try anything and we're
arresting you
and they go we're putting seven
bodyguards around you now the problem is
when you put seven bodyguards on one
person
everyone thinks the other bodyguard is
doing something yeah they're all looking
here one's looking here once again
meanwhile i'm with uh ryan seacrest and
the
flowers get to you know pass to me i
turn them around turn it into an urn
and accidentally yeah
[Applause]