ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET INTO THE NEWS.
THIS MORNING PRESIDENT TRUMP BRAGGED ABOUT HIS STATE OF THE
UNION ADDRESS, TWEETING THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE NICE
COMPLIMENTS AND REVIEWS ON THE STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH.
45.6 MILLION PEOPLE WATCHED, THE HIGHEST NUMBER IN HISTORY.
NOW HERE'S THE THING.
WHAT TRURCH TWEETED ISN'T EVEN REMOTELY TRUE, I KNOW, SHOCKING,
SHOCKING.
(LAUGHTER) IN FACT, TRUMP'S STATE OF THE
UNION WAS THE LEAST WATCHED FIRST STATE OF THE UNION IN 25
YEARS.
(LAUGHTER) WHICH IS IMPRESSIVE--
(APPLAUSE) , I MEAN, THEY'RE ALL PRETTY
UNWATCHABLE.
IT'S AMAZING, REALLY.
BUT 45.6 MILLION PEOPLE DID WATCH HIS STATE OF THE UNION
WHICH IS NEARLY-- THAT'S NEARLY ONE PERSON FOR EVERY STANDING
OVATION THE REPUBLICANS GAVE HIM THROUGHOUT THE SPEECH.
IN OTHER WHITE HOUSE NEWS DURING AN INTERVIEW ON CNN YESTERDAY,
WHEN ASKED ABOUT NANCY PELOSI'S FRAWN DURING THE STATE OF THE
UNION, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY SARAH SAUNDERS SAID
PELOSI, QUOTE, SHOULD SMILE A LOT MORE OFTEN.
I MEAN SNAP!
IS SARAH SANDERS RELATED COLONEL SANTERS BECAUSE SHE IS SALTY AS
HELL.
(APPLAUSE) I AM NO FAN OF SARAH SANDERS OR
THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION BUT ISN'T PART OF THE PROBLEM HERE
THAT REPORTERS ARE ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE MEAN GIRLS.
LIKE DID YOU SEE NANCY PELOSI FROWNING DURING THE SPEECH, OH
MY GOD, SO DO YOU GUYS LIKE HATE HER OR LIKE HATE HER HATE HER.
SARAH SANDERS HAS A LOT OF NERVE TELLING ANOTHER WOMAN TO SMILE
MORE WHEN SHE HERSELF LITERALLY HAS RESTING GRUMPY CAT FACE.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)
MOVING ON, AS I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW THE SUPER BOWL IS THIS
SUNDAY.
AND PRESIDENT TRUMP-- YEAH, WELL, DON'T GET TOO EXCITED
BECAUSE PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS DECIDED HE WON'T BE TAKING PART
IN A DECADE OLD TRADITION OF SITTING DOWN TO DO AN INTERVIEW
BEFORE THE BIG GAME.
WHICH IS FINE WITH ME.
I CAN'T STAND THOSE CASUAL FOOTBALL FANS WHO ONLY WATCH THE
SUPER BOWL FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL INTERVIEW.
YOU KNOW?
BUT I THINK I KNOW WHY TRUMP IS STAYING AWAY FROM THISSIER'S
SUPER BOWL BETWEEN THE PATRIOTS AND THE EAGLES.
IT IS BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF EAGLES.
IN OTHER SUPER BOWL NEWS, THE REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR OF SOUTH
CAROLINA HAS ISSUED A FORMAL LEGAL PROCLAMATION DESIGNATING
THIS SUNDAY AS STAND FOR THE FLAG SUPER BOWL SUNDAY
ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO STAND FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHEREVER
THEY ARE WATCHING THE GAME.
MEANWHILE THE MAYOR OF PHILADELPHIA ISSUED A
PROCLAMATION DECLARING SUNDAY SCREAM AT YOUR TV WHILE THE
PATRIOTS WITHIN ANOTHER SUPERBULL DAY-- BOWL DAY.
PEOPLE ARE-- ISN'T THE SUPER BOWL ALREADY PATRIOTIC ENOUGH?
LIKE ISN'T IT, THE GAME IS BETWEEN THE EAGLES AND THE
PATRIOTS.
(LAUGHTER) THE ONLY WAY IT COULD BE MORE
AMERICAN IS IF THEY FORCED THE REDSKINS OUT OF THEIR STADIUM
AND PLAYED IT THERE.
(APPLAUSE) OH YEAH.
OH I KNOW.
NOT ALL JUST DRIVING AROUND IN CARS.
AND FINALLY, IN TECH NEWS AT A CONFERENCE IN ASIA THIS WEEK
RESEARCHERS PROMOTED WHAT THEY CALLED HUMAN UBER.
WHICH IS, THIS IS THE THING WHERE YOU HIRE SOMEONE TO STRAP
A SCREEN TO THEIR FACE AND GO SOMEWHERE AND ACCESS A BODY
WHILE YOU VIDEO CONFERENCE IN, 2 IS KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAINMENT
THESE PICTURES HELP, TAKE A LOOK.
LOOK AT THAT.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE IN THE ROOM.
THIS TECHNOLOGY FILLS IN FOR YOU.
IN A RELATED STORY I WILL NOW BE HOSTING THIS SHOW FROM A BOOTH
AT THE SHAKE SHACK ON SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD.
NOW THEY SAY THAT THIS TECHNOLOGY CAN BE USED FOR GOING
TO MEETINGS OR PARTIES, LET'S BE HONEST, WHO ARE WE KIDSING, IT
IS GOING TO BE USED FOR SEX, ISN'T IT?
AND WITH VALENTINE'S DAY COMING UP, THIS COULD BE A GREAT IDEA
TO GET THE SPARK BACK INTO YOUR LOVE LIFE.
(LAUGHTER) HONEY, UPLOAD A PICTURE OF CHRIS
PINE TO THE I PAD, STRAP IT ON YOUR HEAD, WE'RE READY TO GO