[Dave] Hello little puppy. [Dave] I am your friend.
[Dave] Delicious butt on that one.
[Ethan] Bruno Mars, Bruno. Can I ask you a question?
[Ethan] Are you single, Bruno Mars?
[Dave] What is this, a runway?
[Dave] Who is this guy, a super model?
[Man] Handsomest guy I've ever seen in my life.
[Dave] Are you single? [Woman] No.
[Dave] Awwww.
[Ethan] Are you single? [Nadine] Yes.
[Ethan] Yes. I mean, I'm not saying it for personal reasons.
[Ethan] Although I would love to date you but I'm married.
[Ethan] We're doing a dating game. [Nadine] Ok.
[Ethan] And I would love to set you
up with the man of your dreams.
[Nadine] Why not? [Ethan] Yeah!
[Ethan] All right, so we've just brought
up all our contestants from the street.
[Ethan] The bachelorette has not yet seen any of the bachelors.
[Dave] She's going to ask the men a series of questions.
[Dave] And based on her answers will pick her favorite mate
(both singing) ♪ The only thing we hate more than terrorists ♪
(both singing) ♪ is loneliness. ♪
[Dave] All right, lets get started, gentlemen.
[Ethan] Ok, we have our lovely bachelorette here ready to play.
[Ethan] What is your name for everybody. [Nadine] It's Nadine.
[Ethan] Nadine. Nadine was about to grab the microphone.
[Ethan] She's been very excited. Dave, can you introduce us
[Ethan] to our bachelors? [Dave] Gladly. Bachelor number 1
[Dave] Where are you from? [No 1] I'm from the Bronx, New York.
[Dave] Hello. Bachelor number 2, where are you from?
[No 2] Holland. [Dave] Holland?
[Ethan] I thought he was going Holla, holla.
[Dave] What do you call all the little kids in Holland?
Letmenzer. [Dave] Letamenzer?
[Dave] So number 3, where are you from?
[No 3] Nassau County.
[Dave] Long Island represents.
[Nadine] My favorite thing in the world
is sushi. How would you ask me out?
[No 1] I'm a sushi guy myself so Take her out to one of the
[No 2] best sushi restaurants. End the night with a movie
[No 2] something like that. [Dave] What movie?
[No 2] Movie of her choice.
[Dave] You're not making that decision.
[No 2] I think I would ask her to come to my place and
[No 2] order a sushi and watch a good movie.
[Ethan] I don't think it matters what he says with that accent
[Dave] What movie? [No 2] A lot of good...Notebook?
[Dave] You look kinda like Ryan Gosling.
[No 2] Whoa. [Dave] It's like I'm looking
[Dave] into his eyes right now.
[No 2] You want my autograph, maybe?
[Ethan] I think he wants more than just an autograph.
[No 2] Yeah? [Dave] We're ok. Keep going.
[Nadine] Describe your face to me as objectively as possible.
[No 2] I'm black [Ethan] That's one way to do it.
[No 2] Caramel colored at that, I guess.
[Ethan] Who's next? [No 3] A young Scott Baio
[No 3] and Tony Danza. (Ethan and Nadine laugh)
[No 3] So if you've ever seen like "Who's the Boss" or
[No 3] "Charles in Charge"
[Ethan] That was a fantastically accurate description.
[Nadine] We're on a date and things are going well.
[Nadine] I've even invited you back to my place.
[Nadine] As I slip off my bra, I tell
you I have ties to Isis (unclear)
[No 3] I'm not into the whole pre-marital sex thing.
[Dave] You don't do it at all? [No 3] Nah.
[Dave] Holy shit. [Ethan] What about mouth play?
[No 3] It's an obstacle but I guess
[No 3] you just kind of have to deal with it.
[Ethan] Can't turn down a good mouth play.
[Ethan] What would you do?
[No 1] She might have a bomb strapped to her.
[Dave] no, she's naked. You see that there's no bombs.
[Ethan] It can be somewhere. [No 1] She has ties to Isis
[No 1] and I have ties to living longer.
[Nadine] Without being funny, please demonstrate how you
sound when you orgasm. [Dave] I'll just get you guys
[Dave] started with an example just so you know.
[Dave] Ah...Ahh...Ahhh.
[Ethan] I can verify that that's correct.
[Dave] Yeah. (Non 2) Just a typical bed one.
[Dave] This is a cultural experience, who knew?
(No 2 moans) [Dave] For those of you out there.
[Dave] His mom's in the studio audience.
[Dave] And she just heard that. This vacations gonna get a
little weird. can tell you that.
[Dave] Bachelor number 1 [No 1] Let me get ready.
(No 1 moans) [Dave] Were the first 2 sounds
[Dave] you struggling with the question or is that
[Dave] actually how you... [No 1] No, that's it.
[Ethan] Number 3? [No 3] I can't...meow.
[Ethan] We're gonna edit that later to ask
[Ethan] what your orgasm sounds like and then we'll
[Ethan] put the meow in. [Ethan]
We've come to the end of the game.
[Ethan] It's time for you to decide who you like the best.
[Ethan] So, I ask you, which of these 3 gentlemen
[Ethan] would you like to spend your life with?
[Nadine] I'm gonna choose bachelor number 2.
[Ethan] Bachelor number 2.
[Dave] Someone's not looking for long term.
[Dave] She's looking for short term vaca play.
[Ethan] Oh yes, very European. Oh, 3 of them.
[Ethan] I like it. Every time we bring a lovely couple
[Ethan] together, we like to share the first dance with them.
[Ethan] How about you hug
(Ethan) Like this. [No 2] Middle, and I do this.
[Ethan] Arch over her. And we're gonna dance.
[Dave] All right. [Ethan] Gentlemen, you want to
[Ethan] come in the center? You get behind me.
[Ethan] I want you behind me.
[Ethan] Hold on to me tightly. A little closer.
[Ethan] All right. We want to thank you all for joining us.
[Ethan] We made another love match here on our show.
[Ethan] Until next time. [Dave] Thank you for watching
[Dave] our majestic show. [Ethan]
All right, that's enough Byork.
[Ethan] If you'd like to watch more episodes, you can subscribe
[Ethan] to Above Average. [Dave] And you...I'm sorry.
[Dave] Subscribe to Dave and Ethan also.
[Dave] I love Byork.
[Ethan] I don't love you. (Dave whispers) Kiss me.
[Ethan] Ha ha.