( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH "TREVOR
NOAH" FROM "THE DAILY SHOW."
WHILE YOU WERE TRAVELING A LITTLE BIT, YOU-- YOU BROUGHT
OUT THE BIG GUNS AGAINST OUR FRIENDS AT UNITED AIRLINES.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THEY WERE BIG GUNS.
>> Stephen: WELL, I'M JUST GOING TO SAY, YOU-- YOU TWEETED
THIS, "DEAR UNITED, IF YOUR SEATS ARE BROKEN ON YOUR PLANES,
MAYBE SEND A MESSAGE TO THE PASSENGERS BEFORE THEY GET TO
THE AIRPORT SO THEY CAN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT AIRLINE.
YOUR CURRENT TACTIC OF SURPRISING US WITH NO SEATS WHEN
WE GET TO THE BOARDING GATE IS NOT GREAT BUSINESS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ARE THEY A SPONSOR?
WE DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE A SPONSOR.
NOW, BEFORE YOU ANSWER, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE HAVE A PILOT
FROM DELTA HERE TONIGHT.
( APPLAUSE )
DID THEY-- DID THEY RESPOND TO YOU?
>> YES, BUT-- BUT, FIRST OF ALL, THE WAY YOU READ THAT WAS VERY
SOLEMN.
YOU WERE VERY-- WHEN I WAS SAYING THAT, I WAS LIKE, "YO,
UNITED!
COME ON, MAN!
LET A GUY KNOW."
HERE'S THE THING, HERE'S THE THING --
>> Stehen: THERE'S NO TINE IN TYPING.
>> THERE'S NO TONE, I UNDERSTAND.
THERE'S A THREAD AND I GIVE A LOT OF TONE AND CONTEXT.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> AND I WASN'T ANGRY.
I WAS JUST DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE-- BECAUSE IF I'M GOING
-- >> Stephen: QLIEK YOU'RE
UNITED'S PARENTS.
"UNITED, YOUR MOTHER AND I..."
>> HERE'S THE THING, STEPHEN, I HAVE SIEPPED A CONTRACT WITH THE
AIRLINE.
I BOUGHT A TICKET.
THEY MADE ME CHOOSE A SEAT.
HAD YOU NOT MADE ME CHOOSE A SEAT, I WOULD NOT BE HAVING AN
ISSUE RIGHT NOW.
I HAD TO CHOOSE ONE.
DO I WANT TO SIT IN THIS ONE OR THIS ONE?
DO I WANT TO BE AT THE WINDOW OR ON THE SIDE.
DO I WANT TO BE THE PERSON WHO GOES TO THE BATHROOM WHEN THEY
WANT OR DISTURB THE PERSON WHEN I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
WHEN I LEAVE THE HOUSE, I'M SITTING --
>> Stephen: WHICH ONE DO YOU GO FOR?
>> >> ALWAYS WINDOW.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T MIND DISTURBING THE OTHER PERSON.
>> I DON'T GET UP.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> NO, 16 HOURS, I WILL NOT GET UP.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> I JUST LIKE, NO, I'M PLANNING THIS, AND I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE.
>> I JUST WANTED TO PREPARE MYSELF.
THEY WERE LIKE-- THEY CALLED ME TO THE GATE, THEY WERE LIKE,
"MR. NOAH, PLEASE COME TO THE GATE.
MR. NOAH, PLEASE COME TO THE GATE."
THAT'S NEVER A GOOD THING.
THEY'RE NEVER CALLING YOU TO BE LIKE, "YOU GET TO FLY."
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
TWO OF THE SEATS ON THE PLANE ARE BROKEN, SIR.
I WAS LIKE, "I ONLY NEED ONE."
AND THEY SAID, "I'M SORRY, ONE OF YOURS IS BROKEN SO WE HAD TO
ASSIGN YOU ANOTHER SEAT.
YOU HAVE TO BE ON STANDBY AND WE'LL FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WILL
DO."
I WAS LIKE, "WILL I FLY?
I WAS FLYING TO A SHOW IN COLORADO.
I NEEDED TO GET ON THE PLANE.
THEY GO, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW, SIR."
EVERYONE BOARDS THE PLANE AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WE HAVE A SEAT
FOR YOU."
IT WAS A MIDDLE SEAT ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE PLANE.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF MIDDLE SEATS.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF FLYING COACH.
I'VE FLOWN COACH MY WHOLE LIFE.
THIS WILL NOT BREAK ME AS I HUMAN BEING.
WHAT I DON'T LIKE IS NOT BEING PREPARED FOR THE MIDDLE SEAT
BECAUSE THE MIDDLE SEAT IS ALL ABOUT MENTALITY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
WHEN I LEAVE HOME-- IF I LEAVE HOME WITH WINDOW MENTALITY, I
HAVE A CERTAIN SWAG TO ME.
WHEN I'M IN THE UBER, I SIT BY THE WINDOW, I LOOK OUT THE
WINDOW BECAUSE I'M A WINDOW KIND OF GUY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
>> I'M NOT PREPARED.
MIDDLE IS A MENTALITY, STEPHEN.
UPON IT'S A WAR.
YOU DON'T GO TO THE MIDDLE SEAT WITH LAZINESS.
YOU CAN'T BE LACKADAISICAL.
IT'S WAR.
THERE'S A PERSON ON THIS SIDE AND A PERSON ON THAT SIDE
FIGHTING FOR THE ARM REST AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED.
I PLANNED THIS THING OUT.
I KNOW WHEN I GET THERE, IT'S ALL ABOUT PAYING ATTENTION.
THE PERSON AT THE WINDOW THEY ALWAYS MAKE A MISTAKE FIRST.
THEY ALWAYS TRY TO DO THE SHADE, AND AS SOON AS THEY DO THAT, I'M
IN!
I'M HERE!
YOU'VE GOT ONE ARM.
YOU DON'T MOVE THAT ARM.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> AND THE PERSON ON THE AISLE GETS THROWN OFF BY THE FOOD
CART.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM.
THEY HAVE THE ARM REST AND THEY THINK THEY'RE FOCUSING.
THE FOOD COMES, "WOULD YOU LIKE ANY--" AND THEY LEAN, AND I'M
HERE NOW.
AND I WILL LITERALLY SIT THERETO ENTIRE FLIGHT.
AND THEY CAN'T TELL ME TO GIVE IT BACK.
IT'S BASICALLY UP FOR GRABS.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE SEAT.
THAT'S INFLICTING TOO MUCH PAIN OW.
>> THIS IS ME, NOW, BUT I NEED TO PREPARE FOR THIS.
I NEED TO LEAVE HOME KNOWING THIS IS-- THIS IS MY FIGHT, YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: YOU COULD ALSO APPROACH IT IN A SORT OF
NONVIOLENCE RESISTANCE KIND OF WAY.
>> IT'S NOT VIOLENCE.
IT'S NOT VIOLENCE.
>> Stephen: IT'S FORCEFUL.
>> IT'S STRATEGIC.
IT'S LIKE CHESS.
YOU MOVE YOUR PIECE, I MOVE MY PIECE.
IT'S NOT VIOLENCE AT ALL.
>> Stephen: I SEE A SEQUEL TO "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT."
>> THE MIDDLE ROW.
>> Stephen: TREVOR, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HOLD UP HERE.
I THOUGHT I HAD-- "THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR
NOAH" AIRS WEEKNIGHTS ON COMEDY CENTRAL AND IS STREAMING ON
PARAMOUNT+.
TREVOR NOAH, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY MY MORNING
JACKET.
♪ ♪ ♪