- What I share with you, in this video,
I believe is one of the most profound ideas
that has changed my life when it comes to understanding
what it means to be an empath.
And recently, I was in a live Q and A I was doing
for one of my groups, and I shared this idea,
and I could tell that it was like,
things were just shifting for people,
because they were having realizations.
So in this video, I want to share with you
what those realizations are about being an empath,
how to turn it from being what some people consider
to be a curse into a super power,
and then also understanding why it's there
and what you can do about it
to completely change the way you interact with other people.
This has to do with having more magnetic energy,
but at the same time, creating for yourself a container
to where you don't absorb other people's energy.
So it works both ways, and in this video,
I'm gonna share with you exactly what to do.
(light music)
Welcome back to another video.
My name's Aaron,
and I help people expand their consciousness.
Now in this video I want to share with you
some of the most profound ideas that I've learned
about being an empath.
And what I think is very important for us to know
in 2021 as well, because 2021, in this year moving forward
just in general, there's gonna be more and more
of the old structures falling away,
and there's a tendency for people that are empaths
to feel that chaotic energy, to feel other people
that are going through a lot of trauma
or a lot of processing of the shadow,
and then to think that it's them.
And I'm gonna share with you in this video
how to go through that, how to navigate through that.
Now, first off, what is an empath?
An empath, or what some people call
a highly sensitive person is somebody
that's able to feel other people's energy.
And there's some science here that I have written down.
And there's some signs that you may be an empath.
One is, you have good sense of intuition.
You have a lot of empathy for other people.
You're able to really feel into them.
You're able to know if people are lying to you or not.
You're able to see through their intentions
in a very powerful way.
Sometimes closeness and intimacy can overwhelm you,
because you can feel it so deeply.
You take a lot of comfort in nature.
Most likely, if you're in a chaotic city environment,
you feel bombarded with energy, and it's a lot for you.
It's a lot of stimulation.
You don't do well in crowded places.
People tend to tell you their problems.
You have people that come to you,
and they want to tell you what's going on in their life,
because they feel like you'll understand,
and you'll empathize with them.
And you have a hard time not caring as well.
It's hard for you to just draw the line,
and a lot of times empathic people as well,
have trouble setting boundaries with other people.
They say, "Yes," to things maybe they don't want to do,
because they don't want to disappoint someone else,
because they can so clearly feel
what someone else is feeling.
So if you have any of these, I think they say three
out of those seven that I stated,
then most likely you are an empath.
Now, here is the, I have a coach that I've been going to.
It's a shadow work integration coach.
It's somebody that has a double PhD in psychology
and that also is a master when it comes to Carl Jung,
understanding his different archetypes,
and I've learned a lot about myself.
And there's one meditation that has changed everything
for me when it comes to understanding empathy,
and it has to do with understanding this whole concept
that I'll be sharing.
And but first off, I want to share with you
why and what is the core wound
of somebody that is very empathic.
Well, what I've found is in my own life,
you know I have, since a very young age,
been able to read people really well.
Many of you know my story.
By seven to 16 years old,
I had the abusive ex-stepmom in my life.
And she was mentally, physically, emotionally abusive.
My brother and I had almost no freedom whatsoever.
We weren't allowed to have friends.
We weren't allowed to play outside.
We weren't allowed to watch TV.
We were many times working outside.
We had to earn going to school activities.
Well, because my ex-stepmom
is what you would call a narcissist,
and it's funny because there's this scale right here
with narcissism on one end and empathy on the other end.
Because my ex-stepmom was that way,
I and my brother had to tune ourselves to our ex-stepmom,
so that we could survive, so that we could understand
how she was feeling, what was her mood today.
And then we would be able to kind of navigate through that.
So in a way, being empathic for me
was something that I developed,
because I always had to please or make sure
that everything was okay with my ex-stepmom
in order for me to survive, in order for me to get by
to go to school activities or whatever it is.
And even growing up, because of that,
I can read people like a book.
I know when someone is lying to me.
I used to have a roommate
that was always telling me these stories
that I just knew were, some of it was not even a big deal.
He was just a compulsive liar,
but I could just tell, this is true, this isn't true.
It was so easy for me.
And sometimes I'm blown away by how easy for me to tell
when some people don't see the intentions,
but it's something that I developed,
because of the whole ex-stepmom situation.
And there are negative side effects of that though.
Part of the negative side effects are
because I was so tuned to my ex-stepmom,
and then 17 years old comes around,
16, 17, my dad divorced her,
all of a sudden my brother and I had all this freedom.
I found that that turned me in a way,
to a kind of like a people pleaser,
saying, "Yes," to things I didn't really want to do.
And there's another pattern though
that recently I've become aware of,
and it has to do with feeling safe in other people's frame.
Now I know this sounds kind of weird,
but the thing that a lot of empathic people
I think need to learn is how to have their own frame,
how to have their own container,
where they're able to say that this is me
and then that is you, and having the own container
that we can feel safe in that allows us
to those clear boundaries and to not get it confused.
So for me, that's what I was working with
with my shadow integration coach.
And I was aware that even after my ex-stepmom left my life,
when I was 16, 17 years old, I attracted my first girlfriend
into my life that was trying to control me,
that was very jealous.
And I felt familiar with somebody trying to control me,
even though I would resist.
I would be like, "No," but that felt familiar,
having that tension, having that conflict.
After I broke up with that ex-girlfriend
after four years of being together,
I then got transferred to a better shoe department
at Nordstrom's where the manager was trying to control me.
And she was just a clone of my ex-stepmom, energetically.
That pattern was always into my life,
because I felt familiar with being in someone else's frame
that was trying to control me.
So what I've realized up until this year
is that I was feeling safe in other people's frame,
and what I've learned is how to feel safe
in my own frame, how to create my own container
and by going into that and being able
to really differentiate what is my energy
from other people's energy, it's completely changed my life.
This is an energetic component.
And when you were a kid, there's most likely a core wound,
a core wound where you had, out of survival,
to tune yourself to other people's energy.
Normally, it's parents that were either depressed,
that were inconsistent or that were narcissists.
So if you had any of your parents that were like that,
then maybe that caused you to become a very empathic person
because you had to tune yourself.
You could feel what they were feeling,
and they weren't necessarily encouraging you
to feel empowered to be in your own energy.
They may have actually made you feel shame
for you sensitivity.
It's a super power though.
You have so much awareness.
You're able to tune yourself to other people.
It's a gift, but you have to learn how to use this gift.
So what is that, let's look at this energy dynamic here.
I'm gonna share with you that most powerful meditation
I think will change your life.
Now, first off, here's the scale of narcissism to empathy.
On one end we have narcissism.
Narcissism is all about the ego, and it is saying,
"Me, me, me, me, me, give me what I want."
You see the arrows are going inward,
'cause narcissists will take what they want,
because it's all about them.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have empathy,
someone that's very empathic, sometimes also
these people turn into people pleasers,
because they're so tuning themselves
to you, you, you, you, you, you.
It's tuning to the environment.
It's tuning to, it's almost like the focus
of the narcissism is on the self,
the focus of the empathy is on other, this other person.
Now that's the difference is because the empathic person
is focusing on the outside, they are tuning to the outside,
and they are feeling the outside.
And then they can tune to other people
and be very sensitive there.
Now here's the crazy thing.
There's actually something for the empathic person
to learn from the narcissist.
The narcissist is the unhealthy version
of pleasing the self,
because they'll do it at the expense of other people.
The empathic person can learn
how to first fill up their own cup,
and how to differentiate that is you verse this is me.
So this is the key, is that the reason the empathic person
is tuning themselves to other people
is because they've learned how to do that
out of a survival mechanism when they were young.
But what they can begin to do
is to actually see the separation.
And I know a lot of people watching this right now,
probably spiritual people, that are like,
"You want me to feel separate from other people?
"That's the opposite, Aaron.
"We need unity consciousness.
"We need to just focus on love and connection."
Yes, you've already done that though
if you're an empathic person.
The key here is actually for you
to focus on your separateness.
So this is what the meditation practice is
that I've been doing for my shadow integration work coach.
And this was the game changer
that I shared in that live Q and A two days ago
that I could tell where just people were popping
like popcorn having realizations.
Here's what it is.
When you meditate, I meditate every day,
five minutes in the morning, five minutes at night.
Or probably 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes at night,
but I say a minimum of five is normally what I tell people.
And this is what you do, stare at a candle flame
that is a couple feet, like a foot in front of you.
Stare at this candle flame.
And what I do is I observe my thoughts.
I don't try to control them.
And as my eyes stare at one point,
it makes it so that my eyes don't wander,
and my mind doesn't wander as well.
Now here's the game changer.
It is called zazen, or something, there's a name
for this kind of meditation practice.
What you do is on the in-breath,
(inhaling)
even this exercise right now,
you can take just one deep breath in with me,
and I want to become aware of a couple different things.
So let's take a deep breath in.
(inhaling)
As you breath in,
and as you may be staring at a candle flame,
or as you're staring at even just me on this video
and on my fingers right now,
as you stare at this spot right here,
what you'll notice is as you take a deep breath,
what you can do is you can feel the separateness
on the in-breath between you and object, subject, object.
When I'm doing this with a candle flame,
I'm feeling the separateness on the in-breath
between me and the flame.
So it's a deep breath in,
(inhaling)
and I'm staring very intently at the flame on the in-breath,
and as I stare very intently,
and I really focus on that little spot,
and I focus on the separateness energetically
between me and the flame, what I then do
is on the out-breath, I relax that.
And I even will focus on the peripheral around.
I won't move my eyes, but I'll focus on the peripheral
around that of the flame.
And I focus on bringing the energy into my body,
and feeling the seperateness between me and the flame.
And I focus on feeling the energy inside of my body
in my feet, in my hands, and my arms.
And as I do this, I begin to feel more present.
You see, the empathic person is so tuned
to the outer environment
that they're not as much in their body.
They're not as much present.
And when you are present, let me tell you something,
you are magnetic!
Your energy will literally come to you.
I've been to a seminar before.
They were talking about, there's this lady
that does energy work, and she was talking
about how if we all, in the audience,
were projecting our energy at her,
she was feeling pushed away,
but if we would bring our energy into our bodies,
and we focus on being present,
it would then gravitate her to us.
She could feel the energy pull.
And you'll feel it too.
I've done this even recently,
even just walking around my neighborhood,
going for a walk every day.
I used to like, would tune myself to other people.
"Hello," say, "Hi,"
and I used to work a sales commission job,
and I would notice that if I was like,
"Hi, how are you?"
And I wanted something from them.
I was putting the attention on them,
that many times, they would feel that,
and it would repel them.
But if I would be more like in my own energy,
and be like, "Hello, how are you doing?"
And I didn't care whether they responded or not,
it was a different energy dynamic.
As I'm feeling good in my body,
you can feel that there's a lot more of a magnetism there.
That's why when I do these videos,
I think some people like watching them,
because I'm so present.
I'm in this channeled state.
We all have a connection to our higher selves,
allow this energy in,
and that's when there's magnetic energy.
You're allowing more of yourself to flow through.
Now the key to the empathic person is learning
how to actually have more separation
to create a container for yourself, to be in your own frame.
Your own frame needs to be on your own mission
to be on your own purpose.
And the way you do this
is by also setting healthy boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries and realizing
that the more you say, "Yes," to yourself,
the more can also say, "No," to something else.
The more you say, "No," to something you don't want to do,
maybe someone wants you to go to a loud party,
and you don't want to do it, you say, "Yes,"
well then what you're doing is you're going to that party,
you're not enjoying yourself.
Then other people have to be around that energy.
It's a lose, lose, lose all the way around.
Instead, you can do what you want to do,
and you start to feel empowered.
But one of the best practices you can do for this
is to do a meditation practice
every day for just a couple minutes.
Observe a candle flame.
On the in-breath, feel the separation.
Feel inside of your body.
Feel the separation between you and the candle flame,
and then on the out-breath, begin to feel and relax that
and feel connected to everything.
And normally, that's a meditation practice,
but as an empathic person, the thing you need to hear more
is the beginning aspect of that.
Feel the separation.
Feel grounded in your own energy.
Feel safe in our own energy.
And as you do, you'll find
that as you feel safe in your own energy,
you walk around, and as you're more in your body,
you will have more of a magnetic energy pull on other people
but you'll also be able to differentiate
your energy from their energy.
And then when someone comes to you
with negative energy, guess what?
You're not gonna absorb it.
You'll be able to observe it,
because you're gonna be in the container of your own energy.
So what I've share with you here
is one of the most powerful insights that I've had
as an empathic person, and as I've created more of this
within myself, I can tell I create more attraction
for my own energy.
I can tell that I'm more grounded in my own energy.
I enjoy life more in my own energy.
And I'm not taking on other people's things,
because I'm able to differentiate and delineate
between my energy and their energy.
And that's one of the most powerful things
that has changed my life.
And if you didn't know,
I have a whole entire podcast episode
that explains all of these ideas in more detail.
I give even more tips, more stories
about how I move through this.
You can see that.
It's on my second YouTube channel called,
"Into the Vortex with Aaron Doughty."
I also have a podcast that I do two times a week on
where I've been putting almost all my energy lately.
That's why you haven't seen many YouTube videos like this.
So if you want, check out that podcast.
Subscribe to that podcast.
There's two episodes a week.
It's so easy to listen to.
Other than that, that other video will be up right here,
and as always, I will talk to you guys in the next episode.
Peace, much love and namaste.
(light music)