FIRST OF ALL, FOLKS, THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL REMINDER
THAT TOMORROW AND WEDNESDAY ARE THE SECOND ROUND OF DEMOCRATIC
PRIMARY DEBATES.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S GOING TO BE A REAL-- AND I BELIEVE I'M COINING
THIS TERM-- DONKEY SHOW.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THAT'S NOT ALL.
BECAUSE "THE LATE SHOW" WILL BE LIVE AFTER THE DEBATES, BOTH
NIGHTS, TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY.
YES!
WE WILL BE LIVE ON TUESDAY.
WE WILL BE LIVE ON WEDNESDAY, WHICH MEANS I WILL BE DEAD ON
THURSDAY.
( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S GOING TO BE 20
CANDIDATES -- OH, HELLO.
THERE'S GOING TO BE CANDIDATES ONSTAGE OVER THE TWO
NIGHTS.
THAT'S SO MANY CANDIDATES, THE PROPERTY BROTHERS ARE IN THERE
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
20 ( LAUGHTER )
DOWN OVER THERE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EVEN I'M HAVING TROUBLE
REMEMBERING WHO THEY ALL ARE.
WHICH IS WHY I'D LIKE TO BRING SOMEONE UP HERE TO HELP ME GET
THEM STRAIGHT.
THIS IS "THE LATE SHOW'S" "GUESS WHO... IS PROBABLY NOT
GOING TO BE PRESIDENT."
OKAY, I NEED SOMEONE TO COME UP HERE AND HELP ME OUT.
RAISE YOUR HAND.
A VOLUNTEER?
I SAW YOU FIRST.
THERE YOU GO.
COME ON UP.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
CONGRESSMAN -- COME ON UP, WE'RE PUTTING A MIC ON YOU THERE.
PLEASE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ALL RIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HI.
>> HI.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
CHRISTIE.
>> Stephen: I'M STEPHEN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM.
>> SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM HOME.
>> WE ARE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU COME TO NEW YORK OFTEN?
>> FIRST TRIP.
>> Stephen: WHO IS WE?
MY SON AND MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER, THEY'RE OUT EXPLORING
THE CITY NOW.
>> Stephen: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO NOW?
>> A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: I AM GOING TO HOLD UP ACTUAL PHOTOS OF
ACTUAL DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES, THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL BE IN
THE DEBATES, AND LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN IDENTIFY THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT.
READY FOR THIS?
DO YOU VOTE?
>> YES.
GOOD FOR YOU.
OKAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CHRISTIE, CAN YOU TELL ME WHO
THIS MAN IS?
LOOK AT THE MONITOR.
CAN YOU TELL ME "NAME THIS CANDIDATE"?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO.
YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY BECAUSE THIS IS COLORADO SENATOR MICHAEL
BENNETT, OKAY.
FUN FACT: HIS CAMPAIGN SLOGAN IS "MICHAEL BENNET 2020: A CHICKEN
IN EVERY POT, A SPORTY FLEECE ON EVERY DAD."
( LAUGHTER ) NOW THAT I'VE TOLD YOU HIS NAME,
DOES IT RI RING A BELL?
>> A LITTLE BELL.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
THAT IS A DEATH NAIL FOR HIS CAMPAIGN.
( LAUGHTER ) CAN YOU NAME THIS WOMAN?
SHE'S A FRIEND OF OPRAH.
>> YES, MARIANNE, BUT I CAN'T THINK OF HER.
>> Stephen: DOES THAT'S MARIANNE WILLIAMSON.
IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE REMEMBERING HER, I RECOMMEND
OPENING YOUR HEART CHAKRA AND INVITING THE UNIVERSE TO GIFT
THE NAME INTO YOUR HEAD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M GOING TO KICK UP THE
DIFFICULTY LEVEL HERE A LITTLE BIT, OKAY?
GOING TO GET A LILT TOUGHER.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
AGAIN, LIKE MOST AMERICANS, YOU DON'T KNOW WHO MOST OF THESE
PEOPLE ARE.
OKAY.
WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO IS DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE AND SENATOR
KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND AND WHICH ONE IS KATE SIDLY, THE NUMBER ONE
REAL ESTATE AGENT IN PUTNAM COUNTY FIVE YEARS RUNNING?
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NO HELP FROM THE AUDIENCE, PLEASE.
WHICH ONE IS WHICH?
>> LEFT IS -- >> Stephen: WHICH ONE IS
KRISTEN GILLIBRAND AND WHICH IS THE REAL ESTATE AGENT.
>> REAL ESTATE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S CORRECT.
THIS IS THE REAL ESTATE AGENT.
THIS ISLE KRISTEN GILLIBRAND.
IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR A MODEST WITH GOOD BONES DON'T CALL KATE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S A TOUGHY.
THIS IS NOT FAIR.
WHO IS THIS?
NO, I KNOW.
I KNOW.
>> I DON'T KNOW EITHER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I WAS HOPING IF YOU COULD TELL ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
( PIANO RIFF ) OKAY.
HERE'S A GIMME.
WHO IS THIS CANDIDATE?
WHO IS THAT?
>> BIDEN.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
JOE BIDEN.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
IT'S JOE BIDEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, THIS IS
VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
OF COURSE, THE PHOTO HE PREFER I SHOW YOU IS THIS ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU FOR PLAYING OUR GAME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE HAVE SOME GIFTS FOR YOU.
WE HAVE SOME GIFTS FOR YOU.
THIS IS TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THE DEBATES.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IT'S TOO EARLY TO GIVE YOU
AN "I VOTED" STICKER, SO HERE'S ONE, MAY I PUT THIS ON YOU?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HERE'S ONE THAT JUST SAYS "I GUESSED RANDOMLY."
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH IDRIS ELBA!