Have you ever been with someone you've suspected to be a narcissist?
Well, by the end of this video,
you're going to know what in the heck is going on.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a negotiation expert, I am a lawyer and author and
on this channel and in these videos,
I teach you how to get the edge with toxic personalities, specifically and
if that's something that you want to be able to do,
I encourage you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Okay, so I’ve had to deal with narcissists,
I know how horrible it can be and specifically,
I actually have had to deal with a couple of covert narcissists and
that is something that you really see a lot,
mirroring and especially with the coverts.
I mean, all narcissist they don't have any sense of self,
they don't have any sense of self inside,
they don't have any sense of real value inside,
they kind of pick up these traits of other people wherever they go,
so they kind of are almost like camaleons and
that's why at the beginning, they really seem fabulous,
they seem like your soulmate, they seemed perfect and
that's because they have this ability
to kind of become this carbon copy of you.
At the beginning it seems great, you think you've found this perfect person,
but then it becomes kind of weird in some ways and
they do use this technique that is very, very manipulative
because they’ve been studying people.
The way that they have this chameleon technique,
the way they know how to manipulate people so well,
is because they know how to read people,
to study people, to become the perfect person,
but it's this fake routine, a double life that they lead because,
inside they’re empty, they have nothing going on.
Outside is this shell of a person and
by the way, I do have a whole video on why narcissist lead double lives,
which you can definitely check out.
So, they have this technique that involves mimicking
other people's body language, other people's mannerisms and words
in order to create an emotional bond with someone.
It's their technique of love-bombing you went away,
it's their technique of gaining control over you,
it's a way for them to eventually manipulate you and
continue to be able to manipulate you.
They use it over and over again because,
even if they start to feel like their control is slipping,
once they lose control over you a little bit,
you start to be onto them, you catch them in a lie,
or something like that,
then they need to future fake you,
or they need to project, or deflect or whatever.
It's always this constant game with them,
you would think that it would be kind of exhausting for them,
but they have to do whatever they need to do,
so then they go back to the love-bombing,
or they go back to the future faking, or whatever.
It's just this constant thing, and
so they have to go back to doing these sorts of things and
I wrote this down, that mirroring was this term that
was actually coined by Sigmund Freud back in the day,
that he used it to describe a way in which people used their own self-image
as a model for how they believed that people other people would see them.
So, for example, if someone felt like they were attractive,
they would often try to be more attractive
around other people by being that way too.
So, it was like they would mirror how other people were
by being the same as the other person, the way the other person was and
I have found that so much with the coverts in my life.
There was one particular covert that was in our family,
my husband was like always annoyed because
this particular person would like finish sentences and
oftentimes it wasn't even the way he would want to finish the sentence and
he would find it really, really annoying.
You can find out more about covert passive-aggressive narcissists
in my video on that topic if you'd like.
The other covert narcissist in my life would
oftentimes just copy everything that I would do and
try to steal my ideas.
I mean, a lot of times covert narcissists are sort of inherently lazy,
so they would just sort of let you do all the work and
try to take your ideas and pass it off as their own,
so, that happens sometimes too,
but that's sort of something else that they do as well.
But why they mirror you oftentimes is because
they think that it's a way to sort of love bomb you,
they think that it's a way to make them look more attractive to you,
so that they will eventually be able to manipulate you away,
that they will eventually be able to control you and
interestingly enough, when I would tell people sometimes,
some of the coverts in my life would actually copy the way I dressed,
copy the way that I would talk, the way that I would look and
if I would tell people about it,
sometimes they would say, “Oh, isn't it flattering?”
I mean, it was sort of stalking in a way, sort of a little bit weird and
I would find it not flattering, I would find it really strange.
So anyway, that is why narcissists tend to mirror you and
in negotiations you may see this happening as well because,
they're going to continue to do
whatever they were doing in the past in negotiations,
because they've got their arsenal of tools and
that's what they're going to continue to rely on even in the negotiations.
So, some of the things that they were doing in the past,
you may see them continuing to do in the negotiations too.
So, if you are negotiating with a narcissist, or with anyone,
please feel free to grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
Just go ahead to the URL winmynegotiation.com and
grab it and also feel free to join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
You can just go right there and
join us in that free private support group.
Don't do this alone. Don't be on an island alone.
Narcissists try to isolate you,
that's something that they love to do,
don't let them do that, you don't have to do that.
There is a community here for you.
Remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm Rebecca Zung,
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
subscribe, hit that notification bell.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share as well;
Let other people know about this information.
I will definitely see you in the next video.