hello and welcome my name is heather i'm
a registered professional counselor and
a certified life coach and today i'm
going to be analyzing amber and
barnett's relationship from love is
blind after the altar make sure to
subscribe if you want to see more
analysis videos like this one okay let's
get to the show i can't see your eyes
it's too bright
there you go so far it looks like their
relationship is going really well and
that they're going really strong so it's
great that they're still going on dates
they're having fun with each other
they're going on adventures amber is
complimenting barnett and how he looks
they're you know it seems like they're
doing all the things that they can to
really connect with each other and have
that strong bond which is great
considering that they've been married
for two years and just with the unique
situation of being a part of this
experiment so it's really great to see
but maybe voldemort yes voldemort
i
have
zero interest in associating with
jessica after the way that she
disrespected me so they nicknamed
jessica as voldemort it sounds like
there is still
some resentment it's a bit of a source
subject still for
amber to talk about jessica
you were so confused two weeks ago
i want to make sure that you're doing
what's right for you we saw the clip
from the first season and how
jessica disrespected amber from what i
can remember from their reunion episode
jessica actually apologized to amber and
barnett for how she acted and she did
show a lot of remorse it seemed like
that apology was genuine and i think the
way that it left off was that amber was
still processing jessica's apology but
she hasn't officially accepted it or
forgiven her if
that person were to show up you know to
interact with her
hang out with me hang out with people
so i do want to clarify that when i am
going to be talking about the characters
it's not about the individuals
necessarily it's more so as an
opportunity to talk about the specific
situations or communication style to
talk about things
in a broader sense obviously i'm not in
a session with the characters i don't
know them i'm not assessing them so
let's just keep that in mind now it's
okay if you're not ready to accept a
person's apology but it sounds like the
way that amber is reacting right now i
can only imagine how hurt she might feel
after watching the first season only to
find out that a friend or someone that
you thought was a friend
went around and was trying to
question or doubt your relationship with
your fiance so i understand where
amber's anger is coming from and her
feelings of hurt and the way that she
reacts to these feelings is to try to
ignore jessica and pretend that she
doesn't exist so someone who may have
the same reaction as amber it's possible
that in the past they've been betrayed
before or they've been portrayed over
and over again after forgiving someone
and so what they've learned is that they
can't trust anyone and that if someone
betrays them then there's no point in
forgiving them or moving past it or
trying to patch things up because they
expect the other person to hurt them
again so i'm not saying that this is
what amber is going through but it's
definitely something that comes to my
mind when i see this type of reaction
there's nothing better than having your
daughter-in-law come over and spend the
day with you at the pool it's so great
to see that everyone's getting along and
that everyone is close because sometimes
in relationships families and
family-in-laws can be a source of
conflict so i'm glad to see that that's
not an issue with them he has it in his
head
that there's this checklist of things
that you have to do in life to be ready
for a kid
and
i just feel like the longer he waits to
like achieve the things are on that
checklist it's just
the more real unrealistic it's gonna
become so it sounds like they've talked
about wanting to have kids but they have
different expectations of what that
would look like when it comes to
discussions around starting a family and
having kids it's important to
try to compromise and get on the same
page especially because it's such a huge
decision to make as a couple and it's
going to essentially change the dynamics
forever in this case it's okay if amber
wants to start having kids sooner or she
feels that
they should start trying and that
there's no perfect time and it's also
okay for barnett to feel that there are
certain things that you need to have
before you can start raising a family or
bring a kid into the mix both of those
are very valid now how do they
communicate with each other so they feel
that each other's heard and understood
and also so they can get on the same
page
and have a goal that they can both work
towards so maybe if barnett has a
checklist of things that they need i
think she mentioned before like yeah he
needs a house a steady job or something
like that and it makes sense if you want
to
have a house first before start raising
a family now is that the only way or the
right way it's not the only way to have
kids definitely it might be a bit easier
if you do have your own place and you're
not renting or sharing with a roommate
so i can totally understand where
barnett is coming from but it's also
important to acknowledge that amber
wants to have kids and she wants to
start a family right away maybe the
conversation that they would need to
have is around okay well at what point
would they want to start trying is that
going to be six months from now is it
gonna be a year from now is it going to
be when they have enough money for a
down payment of a house then they'll
start trying so those are the types of
conversations that they need to have and
also there's a lot of societal pressures
when it comes to getting married and
after a certain amount of time of
getting married you need to have kids
right away so maybe she's also feeling
that pressure you've already got
reservations about it you want to at
least
eliminate a lot of the issues
biggest thing is financial great so it
sounds like barnett's mom is trying to
provide some insight for amber so she
can understand a little bit more
of where barnett is coming from and she
explained it really well and that
you want to make sure that the odds are
in your favor right and especially with
having kids it costs a lot of money i
think i was reading somewhere that in
the us
in order to raise a child
from infancy until they're 18 it costs
somewhere between 200 000
if not more to raise a child so yeah it
is quite the financial investment it
makes sense if you want to have some
savings set aside to make sure that your
family lives comfortably you're able to
provide your family and your child with
everything that they need
just the harder things are going to be
on me physically to have kids so i
i reached out to my doctor and
i've been diagnosed with epilepsy it's
scary to know that
you're going through health concerns it
makes sense as to why she would want to
have a child sooner right because she's
worried about pregnancy complications
she already mentioned
she expected to have kids a lot sooner
in her life so in her mind she's already
feeling like she's behind and
he's
more concerned with his own fears and he
doesn't acknowledge mine at all
especially when it comes to how scared i
am of
having high-risk pregnancies she did say
it was high risk so maybe she ready to
talk to someone about it and that can
cause a lot of feelings of fear and
anxiety and it sounds like she's already
talked to barnett but he doesn't
validate or acknowledge her fears and
also the health implications right
because
it's not only the health of your child
but it could also be your health that
might be at risk and that's why going to
couples therapy can be really helpful
because the therapist is there to
help you kind of navigate those tougher
conversations to have with your partner
perhaps in this case bar and i also feel
scared he also feels anxious and he
feels worried maybe he's trying to
ignore the fact that they need to have
kids right away because he's worried
that something would happen to amber's
health so having these conversations
being open being vulnerable
is really important i would also imagine
that it's really scary to go through
this and they probably feel like they're
going in this alone what do you think
about seeing jessica
next question
just anxious seeing everybody again
because
now why would they feel anxious it's
possible that maybe they expect jessica
to
maybe make a scene maybe she's going to
try to insert herself in the
relationship again to try to break them
up or to cause doubts in the
relationship so i can understand where
their
anxiety might be coming from especially
if they're expecting the worst i don't
imagine that jessica would try to do
anything at the party
to
make a scene or to try to break them up
hey guys
i have a gift for you and amber
i wanted to deliver to you
all right so that you all know i respect
y'all's relationship and i have love for
you all okay
thank you
oh my god
oh that's so cringy and awkward to watch
so just
so jessica tried to drop off
her her gift for the barnettes like it
was a nice gesture she even said that
she just wanted to show that she had
respect for their relationship you want
me to set it somewhere uh yeah
barnett made a promise to amber earlier
that they weren't going to talk to
jessica and here comes jessica with a
gift and he's trying his best to
navigate the situation even though
it's just really awkward she's trying to
drop off a gift she's trying to be nice
and he's trying to honor his promise to
amber how do you expect him to just
ignore her when people are there
watching there's cameras watching it's
obvious that he doesn't want to upset
amber so it's possible in the past that
he knows that amber can get really
heated or
really upset and he doesn't want to
upset her especially when it comes to
jessica arnett is probably freaking out
because he was hoping that she wouldn't
come up to him or amber to try to make
peace or to try to give them a gift what
would you guys do if you were in
barnett's situation let me know in the
comments below
i didn't want to be a dick but also i
don't want to piss off my wife it is a
respect thing like if my wife doesn't
want me talking to jessica if she
doesn't want to do anything with jessica
then i'm gonna
i can't i can't freaking i can't do this
so i do find barnett's reaction really
interesting because he's saying like oh
i'm gonna go over here i'm gonna go over
here and what am i gonna do even in the
individual interview i'm guessing those
are usually taken after
the actual anniversary event even then
he doesn't want to talk about it it's
almost as if he's scared the situation
has definitely
brought out a really interesting dynamic
between him and amber it's almost as if
he's trying to tiptoe around
the jessica situation so
he doesn't want to upset amber now the
other thing that we can say is that he's
very much aware of how amber
feels towards jessica and the whole
situation and he doesn't want to trigger
that if you ask me if it was okay if she
gave us a gift no and i said i don't
want it no because i'm not going to
enable somebody that i think is doing
damage control she is not a genuine
person i do not care to enable that so
what exactly does that mean for her does
damage control mean the same as
apologizing and wanting to smooth things
over and that kind of ties in with my
previous hypothesis around maybe amber
feeling betrayed or feeling hurt
repeatedly in the past and therefore
she doesn't want to associate herself
with anyone who has hurt her or harmed
her so i'm also curious to know what
amber's definition of forgiveness is a
lot of times people feel
that forgiveness might be a sign of
weakness i don't care to forgive her she
has disrespected me and disrespected our
relationship in a way that will never be
forgiven and as far as i'm concerned she
does not exist in our world and i don't
care how she feels about us period
it's possible that maybe she
enjoys having that upper hand and that
she
wants to have that control or that power
by not forgiving someone and you know
let it be
water under the bridge it's been two
years it sounds like it's still an
active
problem in their relationship maybe not
problem it's the right word but it's
still like very much present
in their relationship is this dynamic
with jessica they mentioned earlier that
jessica was
messaging barnett and then all of a
sudden they blocked her that could have
been another opportunity if they wanted
to kind of hash things out on the other
hand it's been two years and if it's
still a prevalent issue in your
relationship then maybe it's something
worth revisiting maybe it's something
worth talking to jessica about even
expressing to her that you're angry even
expressing to her that you don't want to
be associated with her so it's up to her
and barnett if they don't want to
forgive jessica but i'm curious to know
how barnett feels about it because it
sounds like amber is the one who's
really taking brains in the situation
she's the one who's super offended that
jessica went to barnett and talked to
him and maybe amber also feels a bit
threatened by jessica because
technically jessica did date barnett in
the pods so another possibility is that
maybe amber doesn't fully trust barnett
and therefore in order to trust him and
reduce those feelings of anxiety or
mistrust she needs to make sure that he
cuts off all communications with jessica
make sure to give this video a thumbs up
and subscribe if you haven't already if
you have any suggestions for other
couples or shows you'd like me to
analyze let me know in the comments
below feel free to check out my other
therapist reviews videos and i look
forward to seeing you in the next one
until then be kind and love yourself