Yesterday, the official global death toll from COVID
passed six million,
which, according to the U.S.,
means the pandemic is over!
Congratulations, everybody. We did it.
And, yes, things are getting better
as the Omicron wave recedes-- don't get me wrong--
because cases and hospitalizations are falling.
You know? Most places are ending mask mandates
and other antivirus measures,
which means you can now legally push the elevator buttons
with your tongue again.
We're back, baby.
But don't forget this--
around 1,400 Americans are still dying from COVID
every single day.
Right? The vast majority of them unvaccinated.
Which is why the one measure that all experts
are pushing harder than ever is vaccinations and boosters.
But it turns out
it's not all experts.
Florida's head doctor says
the state will be the first in the nation to recommend
that healthy kids should not get vaccinated for COVID.
State surgeon general made the announcement yesterday
during a round table discussion
organized by Republican Governor Ron DeSantis.
It included doctors who criticized
coronavirus lockdowns and mandates.
The CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics
do recommend the COVID vaccine be administered
to all children five or older.
The Florida Department of Health is going to,
uh, be the first state to officially recommend
against the COVID-19 vaccines for healthy children.
Okay, first of all, let me just say that it is shocking
to find out that Florida has a surgeon general.
Yeah, I didn't know they had that.
It's like finding out that T.J. Maxx actually has someone
who organizes the clothes.
What? What do you do all day? Have you seen that shit?
But, I mean, of course the Florida surgeon general
is going to have some weird opinions.
He's the surgeon general of Florida. Come on.
His other health recommendations are, like,
"Alligators can't hurt you if you're drunk."
What did we expect? It's Florida, people.
And don't get me wrong. I-I do get...
I do get where some people are coming from on this issue.
It is true that with a few rare exceptions,
COVID is not a problem for kids. I understand that completely,
especially since kids are little germ factories all the time.
Yeah, coronavirus doesn't make them more sick
than they already are the 360 days of the year anyway.
I get it. But don't forget how vaccines work.
The more everybody get them,
even the people who are not vulnerable,
the less the virus can spread,
which protects people who are vulnerable,
and it helps prevent new variants from emerging.
That's the main thing. Yeah, because what?
You thought Omicron was gonna be the last variant? No.
Not the way this shit is still spreading.
Next thing you know,
the new variant is probably gonna have legs.
Yeah, it's gonna infect your lungs and kick you in the nuts.
Pow! (coughs) Aah!
Here's the thing, though, man. This is what
people are not considering, Trevor.
There's gonna be some strong kids
coming out of Florida over the next two decades.
-(laughs) -'Cause, like, look at what they up against, man.
You up against COVID,
you up against the toxic algae down there,
the water is all crazy down there, too.
I'm telling, man, there's gonna be some strong...
Alligators. You got to run from gators.
There's going to be some strong kids. That's what they're doing.
Strong or mutant.
That's... Oh, that also means strong.
"Mutant" is another word for strong.
-There's gonna be some strong... -I agree with you there.
I can't fight you on that.
Some strong, unvaccinated children.
I might move my boy down there and teach him some football.
All right, let's move on
to the other pandemic
that people keep insisting is behind us-- racism.
And I know, I know there are all sorts of things
that make people go, "Oh, is that really racist, though?
"Is it really racist to touch a Black person's hair
or say the "N" word during karaoke?"
I mean, yeah, you were singing "Sweet Caroline."
There was no need for it, but... there is one thing
that absolutely everyone can agree is racist,
and that's lynching,
and now, that is finally official.
The U.S. Senate has just now passed a bill
making lynching a federal hate crime.
The Emmett Till Antilynching Act
was passed unanimously last night.
That bill is named for the 14-year-old
whose brutal torture and murder helped
to spark the civil rights movement,
and it designates lynching as a hate crime punishable
by up to 30 years in prison.
Congress had previously failed to pass antilynching legislation
despite over 200 attempts since 1918.
You see, people? This just goes to show
that both political parties can come together
and pass common sense legislation.
They just need 104 years to do it.
You just got to be patient.
And you know what that means.
Prescription drugs, you better watch out,
'cause your price is going down in the year 2122? 2123?
We'll be alive? We'll be alive by...? We'll still be alive.
Well, the prices will... Then they'll definitely be down.
You know, if you ask me, it's actually no coincidence
that they couldn't pass this law for 100 years,
and then Mike Pence almost gets lynched,
and suddenly, lynching is a hate crime. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a bit of a coincidence, don't you think?
Maybe... maybe that's how
Black people can solve all their problems.
Like, I'm not saying I want Mike Pence
to get beaten up by the police.
I'm saying if they tased him once or twice,
it would probably help speed things along.
And look, I know it's slightly disappointing
knowing that this law only got passed in 2022,
but all you got to do, all you've got to do
is treat the footage a little... a little bit
just to make it feel like it happened ages ago
when it actually should have.
(dramatic voice): The U.S. Senate has just now
passed a bill make lynching a federal hate crime.
And this just in.
I heard there's now a telephone in Europe.
Exciting times.