-Welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
You're here, you made it. Happy Thursday.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, this is fun.
I saw that today is National Prom Day.
[ Audience "Ohs" ]
Yeah, it's prom in the COVID era.
I went to Catholic school, so I was actually
socially distancing before it was cool.
[ Laughter ]
Leave room for the holy ghost.
My advice, get a nice outfit, comb your hair,
and spend at least one minute in the sun
so your prom photo doesn't look like a Polaroid
before you shake it.
[ Laughter ]
Hi -- Hi, Ladee.
Let's get to some news.
After more than two years, the CDC is no longer warning
travelers about COVID risks on cruises.
You know the CDC is tired when they start releasing
statements like, "Do whatever you want.
I..."
[ Laughter ]
At this point it's like going sky diving.
I'm pretty sure we all understand the risk, right?
It's like -- [ Laughter ]
And get this, in Washington, the House is expected
to pass a marijuana legalization bill this week.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Note plays ]
And people on both sides of the aisle have started
releasing statements about the whole thing.
Here, check out what they had to say.
First up, Congressman French Hill said,
"I don't believe we should legalize marijuana,
and I'm willing to die on this, well, my last name."
[ Laughter ]
Next up, Congressman Josh Harder said,
"I do believe we should legalize marijuana, but Republicans
are making the process much, well, my last name."
[ Laughter ]
Then Susan Congresswoman Susan Wild said,
"Let's just legalize it so momma can go pop a gummy and go buck,
well, my last name."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Then Congressman Colin Allred said, "Yeah, let's do this.
I won't stop until everyone's eyes are all,
well, my last name."
[ Laughter ]
Then Congressman Jim McGovern said, "If we legalize it,
maybe McDonald's will name a sandwich after us called
the, well, my last name."
[ Laughter ]
And finally Senator Roy Blunt said, "No comment."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Rim shot ]
He didn't want to say --
He didn't feel like saying anything.
Some TV news.
I read that the second season of "Bridgerton"
set a Netflix record for opening weekend views.
Yep, Netflix said they're gonna celebrate the only way
they know how -- by raising subscription fees.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, in one weekend "Bridgerton" got 193 million
hours of viewing time.
Yeah. [ Audience "Oohs" ]
That's like your mom's version of "Encanto."
[ Laughter ]
I saw that Google Chrome -- this is real --
they just unveiled a new update, and they debuted a refreshed,
redesigned logo.
This is real. First, here's the old logo.
Uh-huh. Now, let's see the new, refreshed logo.
[ Laughter ]
Google is like, "Before you make fun of it,
just remember we have all of your search history.
Okay, just saying." [ Laughter ]
Well, listen to this, the vacuum company Dyson
is coming out with its own noise-cancelling headphones
that have a built-in air purifier.
Take a look at these things.
[ Laughter ]
Dyson, looks more like Beats by Bane.
Uh, it's kind of cool.
You're just one visor away from being in Daft Punk.
I think it's interesting.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, I heard about a man in the U.K.
who says that he saved a ton of money on gas
because he drives the world's smallest car.
Here he is.
[ Audience "Aws" ]
He's like, "Be honest, does the blue paint job
make it look stupid?"
[ Laughter ]
And finally, at an airport in Chicago,
a drunk man scaled a barbed wire fence,
got onto the runway, stripped out of his clothes,
and tried to stop a plane from taking off.
[ Light laughter ]
Yep, even crazier, that's also how they board
Group C on Southwest. We have a great show.