what is it like waking up from a coma today I'm gonna share that with you hi
I'm Amanda van der Gulik from www.CleverDoughKids.com where I help entrepreneurs
find ways to create an income from themselves doing something they love and
teaching those concepts to their children raising money smart kids I'm
working on a series of videos that explains what it was like when I was in
a coma and nearly didn't survive the acute respiratory distress syndrome
but luckily did so what is it like waking up from a coma it's really
bizarre when you wake up you're not just suddenly awake as the medication gets
taken off because I was in an induced coma a medically induced coma
so as the medication slowly got taken away my brain did really weird things
really strange things and there was a lot of things I had to learn again you
see what happened and I've got a video for you explaining exactly what it's
like being in a coma which you can see my playlist over here a very short
scenario I ended up with double lung pneumonia and I got transported to a
hospital with an ICU and in order to do so they had to put me in an induced coma
and it was supposed to be for just a couple of days but it ended up being for
three weeks and nearly not making it because I developed a RDS which is when
your lungs want to just give out and they cannot support themselves any
longer so what it was like waking up so as the medication started to come off my
brain went from this horrible nightmare state that I had been dreaming while in
the coma and slowly started connecting with what
was actually happening in reality but my brain didn't know the difference so I
would literally have conversations with people in the real world but our
conversations were not the same I remember my dad when saying oh but you
said such-and-such and I'm like yes but at the time I didn't know you were
talking about this thing I was talking about this thing so yes I may have
answered you but in my mind I was in a different place and what you were saying
never registered it to me what you were saying was simply what I thought you
were saying one of the beautiful things about this is that I got a wonderful
insight into what it is like for someone who struggles with mental health where
they see something that is not actually present but how real it really is to
that person and how by saying to that person oh don't worry that thing isn't
real actually just adds more anxiety because now we're afraid that you don't
see this this horrible thing that we clearly see so besides coming out of the
ICU psychosis when your brain has to start functioning again without the
medications and it's like you're being detoxified in your brain you go from
crazy dreams to slowly reality remember the days so clearly when I was
able to actually sit there and look at my my partner and she would say okay
that one is real and I would put it in my real folder in my mind you know that
one who didn't happen okay so I put that in my that was the dreamworld folder and
I was actually starting to able to piece together which pieces were reality and
which pieces had been my nightmare besides the mental side of coming out of
an induced coma there is the physical implications because I was in a coma for
three weeks everything in my body had atrophied which means the muscles had
completely relaxed and they didn't have the ability to constrict the way a
muscle needs to constrict in order to move your body I had no strength
completely weak but most I could do was just barely lift my arms and move my
arms a little bit and that was a struggle I could not communicate my
brain as it slowly started shifting from the nightmare state to reality was able
to function thank goodness although my memory took a really hard hit and I
still struggle with that to this day my processing speeds are dramatically
reduced to what they used to be I can no longer do what I did before at the speed
in which I did it both mentally but also physically especially physically
besides the paranoia and the nightmares the physical side when I woke up I had
this tube in my mouth it was helping me breathe but I didn't realize that was
what it was doing I wanted to get it out so I was fumbling and struggling and I
managed to actually unclip it a few times
luckily my partner was there and stopped me or else that could not have been a
good outcome but I was in a state of not knowing what
was going on I was strapped down because during my coma I actually tried to
escape my bed and somehow had actually managed to get out of my bed even though
I was strapped down and hit my head on the concrete floor that also went into
my dreams if you'd like to hear what the dreams were like in the coma I've got a
video for that in my playlist as well it's really interesting how your brain
takes every experience of your life and all of your fears and all of your loves
and mushes them together in the most horrendous way now I'm not saying this
happens for everyone who lives in a coma but for me that was the situation every
possible fear I'd ever had every negative experience I've ever
experienced came together in this overwhelming nightmare of a dream so
what other physical implications did I have well I couldn't speak I couldn't
communicate so my mom wrote out the alphabet on a piece of paper thinking
maybe I could just point to the letters I thought internally this was a great
idea I was going to be able to communicate cuz I had to warn them I was
still in this paranoid state I had to warn them of these horrible things which
really weren't there but I had to warn them and I couldn't communicate
so I started pointing at the letters but my hand-eye coordination might my
brained hand functioning wasn't working I would want to spell the word dog but
my hand would not go to do G it insisted I'm going to see a T like so my words
made no sense we couldn't communicate so I was still not able to communicate so
it took a little while a couple of days for slowly pieces to come back together
and to be able to do and that was a huge struggle it was
physically exhausting as well cuz again my lungs had been through the wringer as
well as my body not getting the oxygen I needed I had things like as I got
stronger I had just do what they called spidering
just moving yourself around your bed to start building up your muscles that was
tremendously difficult it hurt I had no stupid try to lift myself up
and I couldn't come on you can do it but I couldn't and it wasn't for lack of
trying because I was trying when I finally was able to lift my leg off the
bed for the first time I did not expect what happened I lifted my leg off the
bed and my muscles stayed on the bed and it was just the bone and it terrified me
I thought I would never ever get my muscle back again this was just my new
life and it looked like I was about a hundred and thirty years old and only
the bone would move and the muscle sagged and it was terrifying it's
terrifying to be in that bad of a state physically you don't understand how you
can possibly ever come back from that when I did get my voice back I couldn't
sing I'd never not been able to sing and I never realized how important it was to
me for for my health for my mental health to be able to sing it hit me so
deeply this part of me that helped me cope when I was happy helped me cope
when I was sad I was no longer able to do and that's really sad I spent a lot
of time doing musical theater and to not be able to just jump on stage and dance
and sing that was really hard to accept one of
the very first things I was determined to do after I woke up and communicated
oh hunted water I wanted water so bad and I wasn't
allowed to have it because of course they were afraid my lungs with
asphyxiate in other words I would choke and so I wasn't allowed water but I am
somebody who drinks water all day long I have it beside me all day long I drink
water I have my smoothies I'm always drinking fluids always you
know a cup of tea and here I'd gone three weeks on just an IV and my partner
bless her soul was like oh don't worry like you're hydrated they would make
sure you're hydrated and I'm like okay I might be hydrated for a normal prison
but for me I am so dehydrated my brain is not working and the first time I was
able to drink I could actually feel the neurons in my head connecting and ideas
making sense again it's incredible I had a really lovely nurse who gave me ice
chips because I wasn't allowed to drink oh they were the most heavenly thing I
had ever had the other thing I was dying for more than anything in the world for
my children I ached for them I desperately wanted to see them I wanted
to see them before I was even mentally capable to see them I hadn't quite
sifted through reality and nightmare it was all still together and so when they
did come to see me they only got to see half of me
it was really weird for them but luckily they never saw me while I was in the
coma they never saw the severity of it and they didn't have to process that
until later which I'm very grateful for once I started to heal though I am when
very determined puppy and I started healing fast nurses actually had to tell
me to slow down they said yet normally we have to encourage our patients come
on do your exercises I did everything and I wasn't hungry I ate everything I
wasn't thirsty okay okay I was always thirsty let's be honest but everything
that I could possibly do I did because I was determined to get back and I
honestly thought I was going to recover a hundred percent if not more and when
they said to me probably only ever regained about 80 percent capacity no no
no percentages are based on those and highs and I'm clearly gonna be in the
high and I believe that for two years as I struggle to get stronger and stronger
until finally I mentally broke and realized that this might be it
it doesn't matter given up and I'm still pushing but finally reality set in I
have a disability and it's an invisible one people only ever see it if they hear
me you know right now my voice doesn't sound too bad but as I get more and more
tired I honestly I sound like I've been smoking for about 150 years and I've
never smoked in my life my ard s was so extreme that they don't even have rehab
for it because most people don't survive so as soon as I started to recover they
whipped me up out of ICU and into the recovery units I lasted for a vet
day and they already had a place for me back in my home hospital not the home
town hospital but the one that it belonged to because of course they
needed the beds so I got shipped over there for again another day before
finally an opening in our own hometown Hospital was available for me and that
was one of the happiest moments of my life because that meant that as my kids
walked home from school they walked right past the hospital and they could
pop in and they would sit on my bed and we talked about the day and helped them
with their homework I could just have my cuddles and my hugs and I swear I healed
so much faster having my kids there with me I remember when I was still
recovering back in the ICU there was a snow day I was so excited I called Mike
up and I'm like Cindy you've got to get the kids bring them up here cuz they
have a snow day like I was looking at the report way before they were even
awake to see if it was a snow day because I wanted to see them so badly I
am so blessed with everybody around me if you'd like to know what it's like
being in a coma then make sure you check out my playlist and also to hear what my
dreams were like because very interesting all of this all these videos
that I'm doing for this series are in dedication of a woman who really
inspired me Claire Wineland who passed away sadly
last summer suffering from cystic fibrosis her
entire life had a lung transplant and then developed a blood clot made to
support her foundation Clares Place foundation which is an amazing
foundation to help support cystic fibrosis families with financial aid
that they otherwise don't have access to and the most amazing part is that Claire
came up with this concept when she was just 13 years old after being in a
two-week coma herself so make sure you check out my dreams I'm gonna share how
a lot of my dreams were not only my experiences and my fears but also the
things that were said around me how they came into my dreams as well people in a
coma really do hear you smells that we remember hearing you but you penetrate
the walls of our brain and it's very interesting all right don't forget to
subscribe and click that notification bell so you'll know when my next video
comes out thank you and check the description below to learn more about
Claire and her Claire's Place Foundation