I was literally the first girl
that they sent internationally
within like a couple of months
that's when I was
walking in Paris fashion week for
Balenciaga
and Vivienne Westwood
and Jean-Paul Gaultier
and everybody else
Amanda was the face of Topshop
she did Urban Outfitters
She walked probably the most shows
of any female Scottish model
that I can think of
But then just didn't turn up for stuff
just didn't
you know
and I didn't understand it
That pissed them off at Model Team
and they dropped me
I can't have you being booked for stuff
and not turning up
I was a bit upset yeah
but also at that point
I just didn't care about anything
like I was honestly taking drugs every single day
The modelling world
can also be a huge party world
and it's very easy to get swallowed up by that
I was in a bit of a toxic relationship as well
and that's kind of what
brought the eating disorder on
I actually did a shoot
there were bikini photos
and I was very gaunt and skinny looking in them
and they got banned by Advertising Standards
so it was like quite upsetting
It's a part of this world
that just disappoints me at times
we try to change it
we push girls, you know
There are certain clients that just want to see sample-sized girls
and you say no I've got this incredible girl
you've got to see her
You know, you'll make the clothes the size that she is
and she's still tiny that's, you know
that's the crazy thing
It is difficult having those conversations with girls
especially when you do see some girls come in
and you think you've not maybe been eating properly
You've definitely been starving yourself
I have those conversations daily in the agency
and it's not fun
I just thought like this is just part of the job description
you just be as skinny as you can possibly be
You go into castings and you're in a room with
50 of the most beautiful women in the world like
and you already have low self-esteem
of course you're going to look at them and compare yourself
You really
do have to be in the right headspace
I found it really difficult when I was in Asia
because every model was so stick thin
and they were so tall
and was a bit more curvy
and there was times where I was like
Oh no this is, this is getting too much for me
I actually think I probably shouldn't do this anymore
Nothing is worth that much angst
in the past
I have had conversations with models and said
I just don't think this is for you
I just don't think it's for you
I think it has got better
and they're actually using women that are
bigger and natural and
embracing who they actually are
But I've not personally
felt that yet
I still get scrutinised for my weight
It's a tough business don't become involved in it
unless you can discipline yourself
It doesn't mean you have to starve yourself
doesn't mean you have to not eat
you just have to have a healthy diet
healthy lifestyle
Seriously
So where'd you go from there?
Do you know what I mean?
So I just started building myself back up again
Slowly
She has been to the dark side
she's now back
and she's in a much, much better place
Still doing what she's doing
and she looks incredible
I'm finally at a point in my life where
physically and mentally
I'm just the healthiest that I've ever been
I kind of thought
should I give it one more go