WHEN IT WAS THE REPUBLICANS'
TURN, DEVIN NUNES HAMMERED HOME ONE MESSAGE: THIS WAS ALL A BIG
SHOW BEING DIRECTED BY THE DEMOCRATS.
>> THE WITNESSES DEEMED SUITABLE FOR TELEVISION BY THE DEMOCRATS
WERE PUT THROUGH A CLOSED DOOR AUDITION PROCESS.
( AS NUNES )
TO SING BOTH A BALLAD AND AN UP-TEMPO NUMBER.
I NAILED 'SURREY WITH THE FRINGE ON TOP.'
HOW COME I'M NOT TESTIFYING?" ♪ ♪ ♪
THANK YOU.
THEN ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
I LIKED THAT YOU DID THAT.
>> Stephen: THEN IT CAME TIME FOR QUESTIONS FROM G.O.P. STAFF
ATTORNEY AND GUY AT THE GYM JUDGING HOW MUCH YOU CAN SQUAT,
STEVE CASTOR.
CASTOR SEEMED TO HAVE A CLEAR STRATEGY-- KEEP BRINGING UP A
BUNCH OF INSANE DEBUNKED REPUBLICAN CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
>> IN THE INFORMATION PUBLISHED BY SERGEY LUSCHENKO ABOUT THE
MANAFOT BLACK LEDGERS IN AUGUST OF 2016, I MEAN, THE VERY DAY
THAT WAS PUBLISHED, MR. MANAFORT RESIGNED FROM THE CAMPAIGN,
CORRECT?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MR. CASTOR.
>> BUT CERTAINLY THAT GIVES RISE TO SOME CONCERNS THAT THE
UKRAINE ESTABLISHMENT WERE OUT TO GET THE PRESIDENT, AND THAT
IS A VERY REASONABLE BELIEF OF HIS, CORRECT?
>> I-- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, SIR.
MR. CASTOR, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen (AS LAWYER): "MR. TAYLOR, CAN YOU VERIFY
WHERE BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN?
IS HILLARY CLINTON HER OWN STUNT DOUBLE?
WAS HUNTER BIDEN PAID $50,000 A MONTH BY BURISMA TO SPRAY THE
CHEM TRAILS THAT ARE TURNING MY DOG GAY?
WHY ELSE IS MY DOG HUMPING MY LEG, SIR!"
CORRECT?
( LAUGHTER )
TRIED TO CLARIFY-- KIND OF.
IT WASN'T REALLY CLEAR.
>> THE RUNUP TO THE 2016 ELECTION, THERE'S MANY FACTS
THAT REMAIN UNRESOLVED, AGREED?
>> I AM SORRY.
WHAT'S THE QUESTION?
( LAUGHTER )
IT NOT TRUE THAT THERE ARE STILL UNKNOWN THINGS IN THIS
WORLD?
IS THERE-- IS THERE A LOCH NESS MONSTER?
WHERE DID THEY BURY JIMMA HOFFA?
WHY DID I SAY JIMA HOFFA INSTEAD OF JIMMY HOFFA?
WHY DO MEN HAVE NIPPLES?" JIMA HOFFA.
JIMA HOFFA.
( APPLAUSE )
PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE WAS REALLY INTO MEETING WITH GIULIANI.
>> BUT THE WAY ZELENSKY STATES IT HERE, IT SOUNDS LIKE HE IS
VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO SPEAKING WITH AMERICA'S MAYOR.
>> Stephen: OH, EVERYONE LOOKS FORWARD TO MEETING PETE
BUTTIGIEG.
HE'S DELIGHTFUL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: THAT'S A GOOD GUY!
>> Stephen: AFTER, THAT REPRESENTATIVES WERE GIVEN FIVE
MINUTES OF QUESTIONING EACH, AND G.O.P. REPRESENTATIVE MIKE
TURNER HAD A NOVEL APPROACH TO HIS QUESTIONING.
>> AMBASSADOR YOU TESTIFIED ABOUT A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT
YOU HEARD.
ISN'T IT POSSIBLE THAT THE THINGS THAT YOU HEARD WERE NOT
TRUE?
YOU COULD BE WRONG, CORRECT?
AND THEY COULD BE WRONG, OR THEY COULD BE MISTAKEN?
RIGHT?
SO YOU COULD BE WRONG.
>> Stephen: SO THAT'S THEIR BEST ARGUMENT?
"MAYBE THERE IS NO REALITY.
UH, MAYBE EVERYTHING IS JUST AN ILLUSION CREATED BY AN EVIL
GENIUS TO DECEIVE US ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE UNIVERSE.
MAYBE WE'RE ALL STARDUST WHERE THERE IS NO UP OR DOWN OR RIGHT
OR WRONG OR HIGH CRIMES OR MISDEMEANORS.
THIN, THEN, REPUBLICAN-- NOTHING CAN BE KNOWN!
NOTHING CAN BE KNOWN.
THEN REPRESENTATIVE REPRESENTATIVE JOHN RATCLIFFE
SHARED THIS IRONCLAD DEFENSE OF TRUMP'S UKRAINE CALL.
>> WHAT DID PRESIDENT ZELENSKY ACTUALLY DO TO GET THE AID?
THE ANSWER IS NOTHING.
HE DID NOTHING.
HE DIDN'T OPEN ANY HE DIDN'T CALL ATTORNEY GENERAL
BILL BARR.
HE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THE THINGS THAT HOUSE DEMOCRATS SAY THAT HE
WAS BEING FORCED AND COERCED AND THREATENED TO DO.
>> Stephen: SO TRUMP GOT CAUGHT BEFORE HE COULD FORCE ZELENSKY
TO DO IT.
HE FAILED, BUT THE FACT THAT HE'S A BAD CRIMINAL DOESN'T MAKE
IT NOT A CRIME.
BECAUSE IF BEING BAD AT SOMETHING MAKES YOU NOT THAT
THING, THEN TRUMP IS NOT A BUSINESS OWNER OR A HUSBAND.
THEN--
THEN-- ALL OVER THE PLACE.
JUST BLACK ICE.
THEN DEMOCRAT ERIC SWALWELL HAD SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WHEN
HE TRIED TO PLAY A CLIP OF MICK MULVANEY.
>> AMBASSADOR TAYLOR, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO LISTEN TO WHAT HE
SAID.
I'LL READ IT FOR YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
EMBARRASSING.
JIM, CAN WE SEE THAT CLIP AGAIN?
( LAUGHTER )
LET'S JUST MOVE ON.
THE REAL REPUBLICAN ATTACK DOG WAS OHIO CONGRESSMAN AND
AMERICA'S ASSISTANT WRESTLING COACH, JIM JORDAN.
JORDAN KEPT CALLING FOR THE WHISTLEBLOWER TO TESTIFY,
BECAUSE HE SAID HE WANTED TO TALK TO THE GUY WHO STARTED IT
ALL.
BUT HE WAS SHUT DOWN BY VERMONT'S PETER WELCH.
>> I SAY TO MY COLLEAGUE, I WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE THE PERSON
WHO STARTED IT ALL COME IN AND TESTIFY.
PRESIDENT TRUMP IS WELCOME TO TAKE A SEAT RIGHT THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: OOOOOOOOOOON H!
>> Stephen: IS THIS ON?
THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK, SERIOUSLY.
THIS IS NEVER GOING TO END.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
TIM ROBBINS IS HERE.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, DONALD TRUMP TALKS TURKEY.
STICK AROUND.