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now might be a really good time for you
to get angry
that's my secret captain
i'm always angry
he won the hearts of millions of marvel
fans as the ferocious hulk but it wasn't
always so easy for mark ruffalo there
was a time in his life when hollywood
had practically rejected him and not
many people were willing to give him a
chance that he needed yet after losing
countless loved ones and having to fight
for his life mark somehow still manages
to find the joy in life and inspires his
fans to be kind to others
but how did he manage to get through
such a dark time how did he survive so
many losses and still have the strength
to fight for himself don't forget to
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while mark was living in la and taking
acting classes he had a best friend
named michael the pair were incredibly
close they shared the same interests and
experiences and the actor felt like
michael was the only person he could
really talk to
tragically in 1994 mark's best friend
took his own life the actor was so
shaken by the loss of his friend he felt
unable to process it
not only did he wish that he could have
done something to help michael but he
was now left feeling completely alone
the one person he felt like he could
talk to was now gone
when he died it rocked me out of a dark
depression
the moment he left i realized that death
wasn't an escape that suicide wasn't an
answer
the actor said that michael's death
helped him realize the value of his own
life keeping him from making the same
decision
to ruffalo acting became a way of coping
and moving forward past the pain of his
younger years
he may seem like the sweet smiley and
goofy actor we've all come to know and
love but ever since he was a child
marcus had to battle with ongoing
depression after graduating high school
his friends would talk about their
future goals and his parents would ask
him about his plans following graduation
young mark was too embarrassed to admit
that he wanted to be an actor
so he would lie and pretend he had the
same dreams as all of his friends
later in life ruffalo discovered that
some contributing factors to his
childhood alienation might have been due
to undiagnosed adhd and dyslexia i was
miserable
this sounds sappy but i was always aware
of the frailty of human beings the
sorrow in the nature of things
i didn't know how to live in the world
how to cope i felt like i didn't belong
he confessed that he spent most of his
time smoking surfing and wandering
around aimlessly instead
a period when he was quote just about
ready to jump off a bridge
ruffalo commented on his depression
it's dysthymia
it's a long-running low-grade depression
all the time
i've been struggling with that my whole
life
it's like a low-grade depression that
just is running around all the time in
the background
one morning mark woke up after having a
terrible nightmare that he had developed
a brain tumor
for some reason he couldn't seem to
shake off the feeling that something was
wrong with his body and he decided to go
see a doctor
after a cat scan he received a diagnosis
of acoustic neuroma which is a rare
non-cancerous tumor she said um
you have a you have a mass behind your
left ear the size of a bait of a golf
ball at the same time of his diagnosis
his wife sunrise quigney was expecting
her first child mark didn't want to put
his wife under stress during her
pregnancy so he chose to keep his
diagnosis to himself honestly i thought
i was going to die
several weeks after the birth of his son
keen the actor broke the news to his
wife and he underwent surgery to remove
the tumor although the operation was a
success the side effects resulted in
ruffalo losing hearing in his left ear
and one side of his face became
completely paralyzed the unfortunate
diagnosis didn't only correspond with
the birth of his son ruffalo's acting
career was also starting to kick off and
he felt like he was finally getting the
recognition and work he deserved he was
working on the 2001 film the last castle
starring robert redford and james
gandolfini sadly just as ruffalo's
career was starting to pick up he was
forced to withdraw from acting due to
the paralysis of half his face and loss
of hearing after the surgery mark was
heartbroken not to be working anymore
acting was his passion and it helped him
cope with his constant lingering
depression
he fell into a dark hole isolating
himself from his friends and colleagues
and he wouldn't let anyone come and
visit him i was so unbelievably
miserable
and what was worse was people's
reactions to seeing me
it was shattering to them
he begged directors to give him work to
create characters who had the same
facial paralysis that he had but they
all turned him down
he felt like the acting world had
rejected him for something that was
completely out of his control
the actor also explained that he was
limited in his ability to help take care
of his children in one instance he even
dropped his son
he was also confused and had difficulty
understanding concepts such as tying a
knot
ruffalo explained that after six months
of paralysis the chances of regaining
motor control over his whole face would
be remote however he was determined to
prove the doctors wrong
six months later mark was able to make
very slight movements in his face it was
the beginning of a painful recovery that
would still take several more months
and the actor finally felt like he was
on the right track
sadly ruffalo's best friend isn't the
only person close to him who passed away
unexpectedly in 2008 mark's brother
scott was found with a gunshot wound to
his head he was rushed to the hospital
and put on life support
sadly after a week the doctor said that
scott would be unable to make a recovery
and he was taken off life support he was
just 39 years old initially it appeared
that scott might have died due to a
russian roulette game gone wrong but the
case was eventually ruled as a homicide
police questioned two suspects chaha
adam and her boyfriend brian schofield
after they willingly came forward
according to adam she visited scott to
retrieve the keys to her car
she told the police that while she was
with scott he mentioned something about
russian roulette and she heard the sound
of a gunshot shortly after scott had
become infamous for his parties and
binges on illegal substances as well as
playing with firearms in front of
numerous witnesses
police arrested adam but eventually
released her and no charges were filed
unfortunately in 2012 adam passed away
leaving the case without a critical
witness scott ruffalo's murder remains
unsolved you know it's it'll be the
great mystery
of my life
mark was broken by the loss of his
brother and the fact that there were
never any answers to what really
happened made the loss even harder for
him to come to terms with you never get
over it you just get used to it he said
referring to his brother's death you get
calloused a little bit harder maybe so
be on guard for that but take these
tragic things and turn them into
something meaningful and worthy of the
loss make it count
following his brother's death ruffalo
decided to take a step back from
hollywood the actor confessed that he'd
been considering stepping aside prior to
scott's death because of his growing
disillusionment with hollywood mark
fired his agent and publicist left his
apartment in la and moved to a secluded
home in upstate new york with his wife
and three children
my brother passing away was the final
thing that kicked me over
it reminded me that life is short and
you'd better do what you want while you
have a chance
however ruffalo was unable to completely
cut himself off from the acting world
he caught the bug and couldn't shake it
off he had finally found something that
gave him a purpose and he didn't want to
let it go he decided that instead of
acting he would make a directorial debut
with sympathy for delicious a film about
a paralyzed dj who enters into faith
healing he remained retired from acting
until he read the script for the kids
are all right just passed away just
before that and
i was really disillusioned
probably with my own with my life but
also like
filmmaking and i was like this is going
to be my last movie as an actor inspired
by the story he signed on for the role
of paul a man who was contacted by two
children born to a lesbian couple who
used his donated sperm
ruffalo took the role as an homage to
his brother
mark made a comeback into the acting
world and he was welcomed with open arms
fans couldn't get enough of him and from
then on it was only up up up for the
actor
he knew what it was like to live in a
world filled with pain and he wanted to
use the attention on him to spread as
much good as he could
he teamed up with the child mind
institute to participate in their
hashtag my younger self initiative
through which celebrities talked about
what they would have told their younger
selves as they lived with a mental
health or learning disorder the world
fell in love with mark ruffalo despite
becoming notorious for accidentally
spoiling a lot of marvel films i
basically spoiled the end of avengers
infinity war with don cheadle who will
no longer do press with me
he proved to his fans that you could
experience an overwhelming amount of
loss and health problems and still
managed to overcome it he came out
stronger more determined to be kind and
share the joy with others
he's unapologetically himself and fans
love him for it
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