So, what's your happiest memory, Squidward?
Um, let me think...
[TV static]
[sine wave tone]
[sighs] I guess I don't have a happiest memory.
Oh, well...
- Yes?! - Squidward,
you don't have a happiest memory?
So what?
How can you live without a happiest memory?
Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?
I hear you crying all the time.
Well, with joy, Squidward. With joy.
Look, I don't need a happy memory,
so just get back to your culinary grease factory
and leave me alone!
Hi, I'd like to order a Krabby Patty, please.
[crying]
Okay, can someone else take my order?
[crying]
I'll wait.
You're right, SpongeBob, I don't have a happiest memory.
This is horrible.
Don't worry, Squidward,
I'll help you make a happiest memory.
[sniffles] Really?
Do you think you can?
No problem!
Well, it's against my better judgment, but, okay.
Hnnng!
[crying]
[laughing]
Taking him to the cleaners! That's a hot one!
How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
I lost.
Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?
I didn't lose any money. I lost...
Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
- I lost... - Mr. Krabs, please tell me
you didn't lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!
I lost...
you!
What?
I bet your contract and I lost.
[laughs]
Good one, Mr. Krabs.
Well, I got to go make those Krabby Patties.
[grunting]
I'm afraid you don't work here anymore.
Please tell me this isn't a joke.
Go on, Mr. Krabs, tell him.
Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke.
As much as I love cruel, sick jokes,
I'm afraid he's not joking.
You work for me now, SpongeBob.
Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet.
[screams]
But, Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him!
I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab!
[crying] I'm sorry, boy!
It's all my fault!
[crying]
What kind of cold, heartless person
would break apart such a loving relationship?
I would!
[crying]
- [screaming] - SpongeBob!
Mr. Krabs!
This is your greatest blunder, Krabs.
For fifteen years, I've been throwing those card games
just waiting for you to slip up
I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula,
but I've got the next best thing:
the guy who makes 'em!
I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs!
SpongeBob!
[crying]
[sniffling]
Can I have my arms back?
[tuning the guitar]
♪ Wish I was back in Texas ♪
♪ The ocean's no place For a squirrel ♪
♪ Wish I was in Texas ♪
♪ Prettiest place in the world Oh, no ♪
♪ I guess that deep in my heart I'll always be a Texas girl ♪
♪ I wanna go home ♪
♪ Home ♪
[howling]
♪ Yodelay-hee-hoo Yodelay-hee-hoo ♪
Hey, Patrick, listen to that.
Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!
Patrick! Listen, hear that?
It's Sandy.
♪ I wanna wake up in Texas ♪
♪ I miss those wide open skies ♪
[squeaking]
♪ I miss my twenty acres Barbecues and pecan pies ♪
♪ Oh, why? ♪
♪ When I'm so far From you Texas ♪
♪ All I can do is cry ♪
[crying]
[sniffing]
[crying]
♪ Yodelay-hee-ho Yodelay-hee-ho ♪
♪ Yodelay-hee-ho Yodelay ♪
♪ Yodelay ♪
♪ I wanna go home ♪
[crying]
[giggling]
[giggles] This'll be the best lie yet!
Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us
he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
What can I do for you boys?
Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar?
We need an operation.
Really? Small world.
What's the matter with you guys?
Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
Ah, some guys have all the luck.
I was born with glass bones and paper skin.
Every morning, I break my legs,
and every afternoon, I break my arms.
At night, I lie awake in agony
until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
Oh, no!
Ah!
[grunts]
Ow...
Quick, Patrick, let's help him!
Careful, put him down gently.
[glass breaking sound]
Ow...
Poor, poor man.
If there's anything, anything we can do to help you...
There is one thing...
As you can well imagine,
my medical bills are extremely high,
but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...
chocolate bars.
[chatter]
Well, you did it.
You took my one chance at happiness... and crushed it!
Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-size pieces.
I really had expected better of you people.
I guess I'm a loser for that, too.
Don't bother showing up tomorrow.
I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident.
So, thanks. Thanks for nothing!
You're welcome.
[sniffling]
I never thought I'd lose my best friend.
How can I compete with geniusness?
Oh...
Surrounded by knowledge, and no one to share it with.
No one I can call friend.
Who's that old chap I used to run with?
SpongeBob...
[sniffling]
At least Patrick's my friend in my memories.
Oh, the glory days. Why have we grown apart?
[sobbing]
You know, that reminds me,
there's something I've been wanting to say to you
since the day we met.
Goodbye.
Next time you see me, this town will be eating
out of the palm of my hand!
Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?
Squidward? Squidward, is that you?
Uh, I, uh...
It's me, SpongeBob. We used to work together.
SpongeBob?
There ya go. So, where you living these days?
- Squidward Tentacles? - Yes?
Sign here, please.
Uh, nowhere.
Great. And what have you been doing with yourself?
No, wait, let me guess!
Hmm... I see you've been working on that mustache,
the tattered clothes, the awful smell...
- You're a football player! - No.
- A spaceman! - No.
- A football-playing king in-- - Don't you get it?!
[sobbing] I'm a loser!
I lost my job, my home...
[crying] Everything!
[gasps] Even your paintings?
Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them.
[crying]
There, there.
You can come live with me.
I don't wanna grow up!
I want cookies!
And milkie!
I want a sweater with love in the stitches!
I wanna wear diapies!
I wanna ride in my wagon!
I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins!
I wanna rocky-rock on my seahorsey!
And I want kissy-kissy on my boo-boo!
[crying]
[sprinkler noises]
I want peanuts.
Take it easy, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob!
[sobbing]
I'll catch you, SpongeBob!
[stifled laughter]
[screaming]
Oops!
April Fools', you little sausage!
[Squidward laughs]
[crying]
SpongeBob! I was just kidding!
Come on! Come on!
You guys know I was just kidding, right?
Oh, man. Poor kid.
That guy has definitely got some issues to work out.
April Fools', jerk.
Wait, don't go!
[from the crowd] Hey! You stink!
Wait, wait! Wait, it was a joke!
Underwater sunsets sure are beautiful, eh, Squidward?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
This is great, just the three of us.
You, me...
and this brick wall you built between us.
Yeah. [laughs nervously]
Sunsets always remind me of bowls of fruit.
What do they make you think of, Squidward?
[laughing]
Explosions.
I mean, erosion.
You know, if I were to die right now
in some sort of fiery explosion
due to the carelessness of a friend...
Well, that'd just be okay.
[sniffles]
[rumbling] Ah?
[burps]
Wow, it feels like something just dropped
into my lower intestine.
[sniffing] Hey, smells like cherry.
Or maybe grape. Blueberry?
Here it is, the sunset!
I always love to count it down.
Five... You do the rest, buddy.
Uh, four...
Three...
[stuttering] T-Two...
O-One...!
I guess we started too early. Let's start again.
Five, four, three...
[explosion]
Two...
[crying]
[sobbing]
Well, at least I was able
to make his last few hours meaningful.
I am such a good person.
Here, Patrick, have a Krabby Patty.
There he is, Patrick. Say your line.
Why, thank you, Sandy.
I would love one.
Take patty.
Too bad SpongeBob isn't here, these are his favorites.
I sure wish he'd come home.
Take a bite.
I can't do it!
SpongeBob! Come back!
Patrick, I'm not coming home.
I miss you. Sandy misses you.
Even Squidward misses you!
[cheering and laughing]
I'm happy here.
This is my home now.
[grunting]
No!
SpongeBob!
♪ Gary now I know, I was wrong ♪
♪ I messed up And now you're gone ♪
♪ Gary, I'm sorry I neglected you ♪
♪ Oh, I never expected you ♪
♪ To run away and leave me Feeling this empty ♪
♪ Your "meow" right now Would sound like music to me ♪
♪ Please come home 'Cause I miss you, Gary ♪
♪ Gary, come home ♪
♪ Gary, can't you see I was blind? ♪
♪ I'll do anything To change your mind ♪
Gary!
♪ More than a pet You're my best friend ♪
♪ Too cool to forget ♪
♪ Come back 'Cause we are family ♪
♪ And forgive me For making you wanna roam ♪
♪ And now my heart is beating Like the saddest metronome ♪
♪ Somewhere I hope you're reading ♪
♪ My latest three-word poem ♪
♪ Gary, come home ♪
I want peanuts.
Pat, no!
[screaming]
♪ Gary, come home ♪
Who is this Lisa person?
What?