[Ethan] What's going on today, boys?
Today, I'm gonna teach you how to make eye contact with women.
This technique is CRAZZZY good, boy!
Let's go see what we can make happen!
[Whistling Music]
[Ethan] I am the ULTIMATE pick up artist!
[Lit intro music, papa bless]
[Ethan] Today, we're looking at videos by Chris from The Good Looking Loser.
He's an ultimate pickup artist, and he's teaching us today about
how to overcome our anxieties when talking to women.
So, yeah, I'm sure he's got some great tips for us,
let's go ahead and get started and see what he's all about.
[Eerie music]
[Hawk screeches]
[Ethan] What the fuck was that?
What are you trying to say with that intro, dude?
What is the relevance to the pick-up game?
I don't get it.
We're going to your rape house?
I mean, what the fuck, dawg?
[Good Looking Loser] Yo, what's up, okay, this is me doing the day 63 drill...
[Ethan] Man, I love that pen in the cap look! It's so casual and, like, sexy, like,
he doesn't really care that it's there,
but also sophisticated.
Does it—does it work on me, Hila? How do I look?
[Hila] ...pretty hot, actually.
[GLL] Um... it's pretty much the hardest drill,
and what you do is, you go up and you give the girl a compliment,
y'know, "Hey, I know it's random, but I thought you were cute,
I wanted to come say hi," you do the introduce yourself thing...
[Ethan] You just tell 'em a compliment, y'know, you do the introduce yourself thing, I mean, look, guys:
it doesn't really matter what you say to these brainless creatures, okay?
They're barely human, okay?
You can tell 'em anything and they're gonna let you shove your junk in their hole.
They don't deserve our respect—only men deserve our respect—
why aren't we fucking men, by the way?
Men are the only people I respect.
I wanna fuck dudes!
I am gay, and I wanna fuck dudes!
Why do you wonder why I over-compensate all the time and fuck women all the time?
I'm obsessed with it, I don't even have any emotional reaction,
it doesn't mean anything to me at this point!
I just shove my balls up girls' buttholes, dude! That's what I get off on!
But a guy's dick? Ah! That's beautiful, dude!
I love. To suck. Dick!
I mean, that's an emotional response, man!
Men have souls! They know, y'know, I bond with my bros, I just like being with my bros!
Man! I'd love to fucking kiss a dude on the lips, dawg!
But hey, that's another tutorial for another day.
[GLL] You shake her hand, and at that point,
you HUG HER WITH BOTH ARMS for a full 10 seconds,
and, um... y'know, you can count the seconds in your head, but you can count them out loud, too, I...
[Ethan] Okay, now guys, it's very important to note here,
[Reading] "It's more of a 'Big Brother Type,' happy/fun hug. It is not violent by any means."
BOTH ARMS, DUDE!
EGGGHHGHHHH!!!!!!!
[Ethan Klein cough™]
Not violent, guys!
Just like any big brother would do...
...to his loved, little sister.
Grab her with both arms, and ffffff—
flippin' drag her off to your rape dungeon.
Mmm! That sounds fun and happy!
I wish I was a big brother so I could—
so I could fill my little sister with such joy
as being forcibly restrained by a huge, fucking hulking, testosterone-ridden giant!
[GLL] And, um... don't let go, and uh, y'know, after the 10 seconds are up, you say,
"Nice meeting you...
take care!", and you walk off...
[Ethan] Okay, so, when the hug's over you say 'nice meeting you'
'Take Care'. Okay, ya leave.
That way you mind fuck her, you make her mistrust men for the rest of her life, okay?
The next time she sees a guy, okay
She's not gonna trust him as much
And that's what this drill is all about
[GLL] So... this is something that we've done before and um yeah I mean it's hard during the day, I will offer as a disclaimer.
[Ethan] Okay dude, I just gotta say somethin'
When you openly acknowledge that something is harder to do during the day
I think you need to reevaluate your activity there a lil bit
[GLL] Here is an audio of me doing it the first time, this is a typical response okay?
[GLL Audio] Everyone loves hugs.
[Shuffling in the background]
[GLL Audio] Hey whats up?
[Woman's voice] Nothing much.
[GLL Audio] You want?
[Ethan] What's up guys, I just wanted make sure that if I wasn't creepy enough
disturbing enough
just wanted to throw a little bit of that out there for ya if you know what I mean.
I don't know if I was weird enough without making y'all uncomfortable I just wanna throw out a little [tongue noises]
Ok? In case you guys didn't think low enough of me okay I just want to show you what I'm all about okay. [tongue noises]
[coughing]
GLL] 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... (Ethan: What?) 6-6. 7.. 8...
[Ethan] Sh-sh-sh shoot okay? You complaining right now is really distracting me assaulting you okay?
Don't sh-sh-sh-sh me. This is MY TIME, dude. I'm getting a rush right now dude, I've got both hands around you
SHSHSHSH, bitch. Just be happy I'm not dragging you off into my rape dungeon and this is just a drill. Huhuuu
[GLL] So, check it out.
How are you, what's up?
[Woman] Pretty good.
[GLL] Yeah? I know it's a little random but I thought you were attractive and I wanted to come say hi to you.
[Woman] Thank you!
[GLL] Uh huh, I'm Chris.
[Woman] Claudia.
[GLL] Nice to meet you Claudia, come here.
[Ethan] "Nice to meet you, Claudia."
Just remember this: not meant to be violent or aggressive, take her hand when she goes to shake it and PULL her to you as hard as you can.
At that point, you want to wrap both your arms around her; make sure you've got two big fuckin' salamis on both of them, okay?
You wanna be pumpin iron for years, okay, to make this good.
That way she knows that there is no chance of escaping so she won't even fight.
[GLL] One, two, three,
[Woman] Uhh...
[GLL] Four, Five, Six, Seven, [Woman] Uhh, okay?
[GLL] No no no, not yet! Eight, Eight, Nine, Ten.
[GLL] Whoa, you were hugging me back! [Woman] *Nervous Laughter* Yeah!
[GLL] I know that's random, and I'm gonna take off right now, alright. [Woman] Okay.
[GLL] Peace.
[GLL] Wow.
[Ethan] Wow. Wow! I almost got into a relationship there, wow.
I almost fulfilled my emotional needs for the first time in my life, wow! I'm lucky I got out of there fast, that girl was really cute and approachable
and I think we could have had a- a meaningful relationship together, *wow*.
I'd better get out of here fast. Okay guys, and that was another perfect pickup, yeah! Let's go get 'em again next week, BOTH HANDS! [Cough]
[Slowed Down] Hug her with both arms.
[GLL] One, two, three
[Spooky Voice] Welcome to the rape dungeon. [GLL, slowed down] Five, Six, Seven
[Hawk Cry] [GLL] Five,
[GLL] Three, Four... [Woman] Sir?
[GLL] Wow.
[Ethan] Alright, well that technique was really impressive, let's go ahead and check his other videos and see if he's got some other great tips for us for picking up girls.
So this next video is called "Get The Girl To Lighten Up."
I just gotta say dude, what is going on with your face, man, why is it so red?
You look like a holiday ham, dude. Looks like- his face looks like an aborted fetus, man.
It looks like a radish just got popped out of the ground, dude.
Looks like a frickin' hot dog, man, that just got off the grill, dude.Your face looks like a f-
The tip of a lipstick container, dude.
Your face looks like a fuckin' dog boner just pop- popped out, dude, red rocket.
How do you make your face look so red, boy, looks like a turnip. Turn me up, you just turned me up, boi.
[GLL] I got a question on the forum about, um, you know, if you should, like, eject if the girls aren't doing - and that means leave the interaction-
if the girls aren't giving you much...and obviously a good way to figure this out is just touch the girl on the arm, you know, advance physically on her, and then you will see-
[Ethan] Oh, "advance physically on her," that sounds sexy. That sounds playful and fun, and brotherly!
Nothing sexier than comparing comparing hitting on girls to carpet bombing a Vietnamese jungle. Advance on her physically! [Laughs]
Whoa, that's playful!
Get the tasers and the firearms out, guys, we're advancing on her physically.
Bring the cuffs out, 'cause we got a well lit rape dungeon that's got one vacant spot, just for you, lil' lady! 'Cause I'm advancing on you physically, now!
I'm comin' for ya, I'm comin' for ya girl! I'm advancing on you physically!
[GLL] I'm not big on techniques, I'm big on just having balls and doin' stuff, but there is a technique that actually works pretty good and lightens up the conversation, so
I'm gonna demonstrate that technique right now, this is a 'staged approach',
[Ethan] What? This is staged? Had me fooled dude, wow.
[GLL] While we're out doing this stuff, those are gonna be real. But I gotta take care of some legal stuff on that.
And, uh, you know.
[Ethan] I gotta check out some legal stuff on that.
Alright dude, I won't ask what legal stuff, man. Apparently, forcibly restraining people for ten seconds is illegal, but,
[Wet, sloppy wink]
Winking is not really ever a good idea, I think...
Look dude, just stop winking, really, just...
[GLL] So here we go.
Hey.
[Woman] Hey.
[Ethan] Jesus, dude, this guy's a fuckin giant! My god, I didn't realize how big he is. Makes that whole hugging scenario so much more terrifying.
He's got his dog tags on, I mean, Jesus, tone it down a bit, dude.
[GLL] So, how's your day going?
[Woman] S'good.
[GLL] Yeah? What're you up to?
[Woman] Oh, I'm shopping.
[GLL] Just shopping, huh? Do me a favor Sara,.
Don't fight it, don't fight it!
Okay, so that was the technique.
[Ethan] Do me a favor, Sara. Okay, look, I"ve got junk and I'm here to slam it into your fuckin' hole, okay bitch?
So if you could do me a favor, and just appreciate that I'm here talking to you, you owe me something, okay, I came over here to shove my shit into your fucking shithole, and your baby shithole, okay.
You could at least oh, act like you want to talk to me, okay. Please. Please, do you know who I am,
I have fucked ten thousand women, okay, you should be happy that I'm trying to give you gonorrhea and hepatitis a through z, and possibly AIDS, okay?
Super AIDS, at that. I have fucked women with aids, do you know what happens when you fuck someone with AIDS? You get super AIDS.
I've got super super AIDS, bitch, so unless you don't want me to fuckin stick my fuckin infested junk in your fuckin traphole,
you better start showing me some love and appreciate that I'm here, trying to fuck you.
And that was another successful pickup, guys.
[GLL] And, she's actually really laughing now, even though this is staged she thinks it's actually funny because I know, I know Sara pretty well.
[Ethan] Oh, you know Sara pretty well, dawg? I think I get what you're saying.
I think I know what you're hinting.
You've, you've approached her, you've picked her up, haven't you, dude? Chris, you old dog, you've picked her up, haven't you?
[GLL] Um, I basically said to her, "Hey. Do me a favor," and then I started going like this.
And that means "smile".
[Ethan] Smile!
He's a gorri- How do you think of this stuff, man?
I mean, you need to quit the pickup game and take this show on the road, dude, you are a natural born comedian and a great mime, too.
You have a very bright future in miming, dude.
I like you, Chris, I respect your game, I think you're a great guy, you probably have sex a lot. A lot.
You probably even created new STDs, man. I respect that, and I'd do one of these to ya,
I respect a man who's created new STDs. So watch out for those Chris-TDs, where your dick just falls off, and you bleed to death from the gaping hole where your penis and balls used to be.
Man, you are a great dude, alright, see you later.
[Spooky voiceover] Welcome, to the rape dungeon.
[Ethan] Hey, thanks for coming out and watching our video. It really means a lot to us. That Chris guy is quite a character, huh?
Hopefully I'll be avoiding his rape dungeon, you know what I mean?
Anyway, in the top left we got Facebook, twitter, you know all that jazz. In the middle, we've got a video blog on our second channel, click that if you want. And in the top right, we've got our shop.
Hey, do whatever you want. Love you guys, thanks for watching.
An unoriginal *Hehe!* Productions.