Hi guys. Welcome back to my channel. In today's video, I'm going to be sharing with you 12
tips on how you can be a better parent. And I want to start with this video by saying
I'm not a parenting expert nor do I ever wish to be a parenting expert, but I am a mom of
three who really enjoys consuming content about parenting. So I like to read books,
read articles, watch Ted talks about parenting, and I like to follow experts on Instagram.
And the best thing about that for me is that I can take in what I like and what I think
can apply to my family and then I can just leave the things that I don't like and don't
agree with. But all of the tips that I'm going to share with you today are like little nuggets
that I've taken in and thought, "That's actually a really interesting and useful," because
parenting is hard and it's actually never been harder to be a parent than right now.
There's a great Ted talk which I'll link below which discusses that, they say that we've
actually never spent more time with our kids than we do now. Even in the sixties and when
everyone was pretty much a housewife, they spent less time with their kids than we do
now and dads spend more time with their kids than ever as well. But now, most homes have
two parents that work and there is a huge amount of pressure to have your children doing
every extracurricular activity as well. So it's actually never been harder to be a parent
than now and that was even before lockdown. So all of the tips I'm going to share with
you might just give you a bit of food for thought and the good news is they're all really
simple, they're all really easy, and it really is the little things that mean a lot. So I
hope you enjoy this video. If you do give it a big like and please share your comments
and thoughts below and I'll get into it. So my first tip to be a better parent is to
avoid labeling your children. And when I read this, it really hit home because I think this
is something that I've done in the past. And it's also something that I think I grew up
with, but don't beat yourself up if you do this because it's really common and it's often
a direct comparison between siblings. So you might talk about your children and say, "He's
really academic, he's really creative," or whatever it is, but by labeling them, it might
discourage their other siblings from trying new things. So if one of your children owns
the athletic title, it might discourage their siblings from trying sports because they might
just fear that they're not going to be as good as the athlete that's already in the
family. So I thought that was really interesting. And if you label one child, the picky eater,
they might take on that role and be like, "Well, I'm not going to try new things because
I'm the picky eater." Or even if you're talking about their likes and their dislikes, you
can try and use different language. So I used to joke that Caleb was my wild child.
I'll never do that again. You can say energetic instead. If a child is very shy, you can say
they're a bit careful. You can kind of soften it so it's not a full on label.
My next tip is to trust your gut and I know I've said this so many times on this channel
before but it's a real thing. You have natural inbuilt parenting instincts. You have a sixth
sense so you should trust it. If something doesn't feel right, if it doesn't feel good,
go with your gut. So there's so much information out there and it can be really overwhelming
but at the end of the day, nobody knows your child as well as you do and if it doesn't
feel good, you need to trust your guts. There's actually so much science out there about this
and I personally haven't read enough about it, but maybe some of you guys have, but apparently
when we were primates and we were apes, we actually had two brains and one was in our
stomach. So apparently it's a real thing. So you need to trust it.
My next tip is to be a better parent is to remember that your children are always learning
from you. So to model good behavior. Our children are not just learning from us when we sit
down and do homework with them, they are taking us in like a little sponge, 24 seven. So they're
always watching how we are treating our partner, how we speak to restaurant staff, how we handle
arguments and more. And most of us realize this when our children blurt out a word or
a saying that is something we say all the time. It might be a swear word or it might
just be something that you often say and then you're like, "Oh, they're really listening
to everything that I do." So just being mindful of that, not engaging in gossip, trying to
be a bit greener, not saying bad things about yourself, not saying, "Oh, I feel so fat today,"
or reading, talking about calories all the time.
Just little things like that can be really important because they listen and they take
in absolutely everything. But one YouTube video that I did watch, it said that obviously
this is kind of terrifying because we're only human and we do make mistakes but if we do
make a mistake, we can just own up to it and apologize or you could speak to your child
about, "Oh. Sorry I got upset. I didn't really handle that very well and I'm really sorry."
You can almost just teach them in that way when you do mess up.
And another cool thing to do, well I thought it was cool, was he said, "Sometimes if you
talk to your child about something, they might not listen to you." But say for instance if
I was to say to my husband one evening, "Oh. Today I found a necklace on the ground and
I thought, Oh, I could keep this for myself. But I knew that the right thing to do is to
hand it into the police station." If you almost say it to someone else but they overhear it,
sometimes they really take that in and it can be a lesson. So I found that quite interesting,
but yes, just remember, they're always watching. My next tip is to let your children make mistakes.
Nobody is perfect but we learn so much from our mistakes and I've read so much about how
your child experiencing disappointment is actually a good thing. It's really hard for
us but we are too quick to intervene nowadays, everything's so instant as well. When I went
to school, we didn't have mobile phones, but I'm sure kids nowadays in senior school have
a mobile. If someone's mean to them, they could text their parents, their parents could
call the school and it spirals out of control whereas it might actually be good for them
to experience it and handle it on their own. I read this one article by a headteacher and
it was heartbreaking really. It said that almost every child is going to experience
some form of bullying but rather than taking over, you almost just want to show that you're
supporting them and helping them instead of just getting involved because they need to
learn from mistakes and they need to learn how to handle situations like that but I don't
really like this one. My next tip is that your time and attention
is truly the greatest gift that you can give your children. And I think we all know that
deep down, but when life is so busy and so hectic, it can be really difficult to even
give them 15 minutes of undivided attention because life is so crazy. And I love to buy
my kids toys and I know sometimes those toys are bought through guilt. Like I bought them
a Playhouse outside exactly when I went back to work. So it's so obvious but really all
they want is our time and attention. So even 10 to 15 minutes a day with them, talking
to them, or maybe when you pick them up from school, you don't just go on your phone, you
ask them questions about their day and really engage with them. And often when your child
is really playing up, it's because they're desperate for your attention.
So maybe instead of disciplining them, you could think, "Right. They really need my attention
so I'm going to give them 15 minutes of undivided attention." And even now that my eldest son
is a bit old for me to read stories to him, he reads little novels himself, so we might
just talk for 10 to 15 minutes or the other day the boys were having their screen time
and normally when they have screen time, that is when I get stuff done around the house.
But Fraser said to me, "Mummy, do you want to play roadblocks?" And I was like, "Okay."
So I played roadblocks with them and honestly it's like something that they're interested
in and they were so excited that I actually took the time to play with them, Matt even
came into the room, he was like, "It's so loud in here," because they were just literally
so excited. My next tip is so let your children be bored
and to let them do nothing. Now I'm sure we've all mastered this. After lockdown, they've
actually had to be bored, but it's really good for them. Often when children are bored,
they get creative and they also show us what they're truly interested in. It also builds
up a sense of discovery and curiosity, and for my children, I've really seen them bonding
together when they're not allowed on their screens and they just have to play with what
we have, they get super creative together. They will build dens, they'll make games,
they were playing the piggy game in the house the other day and they get on really well.
So don't feel bad. It's actually good for them to be bored.
My next tip is to pay attention to your own wellbeing and self care. It is way too easy
to neglect yourself and always put yourself last. But this always makes me think of an
airplane safety briefing. They always say to put up your own oxygen mask before you
help anyone else with an oxygen mask, because what good are we, if we don't have oxygen,
we can't help anyone. So same thing for motherhood. Try and make time for a hobby or time to relax
and unwind. I know it has been so hard in lockdown. Personally
I am so exhausted because we've had the kids all day and then I try to make up for work
at night. So it's been really full on but it's important that you find some time. I
personally find that doing a little workout is a great way to have some guilt-free me
time and also on that note, trying to make time for you and your partner to connect.
Again, I know that it's been really hard in lockdown, but it's super important and if
you are ever struggling, there is so much help out there and so many support groups
as well. My next tip is super simple and that is to
make warm memories with your children by having little rituals or traditions. I read one article
that said that our kids probably won't remember the things that we say or what we do day to
day so while routines are great, what they'll really remember are little traditions that
we do, like game nights or movie nights or the fact that you let them have chocolate
toast on a Saturday. Just little things like that can give them some really lovely memories.
My next tip is to listen to your children and to teach them gratitude. So you can do
this by asking your children questions every day. So rather than talking to them all the
time, you want to be talking with them and you want them to answer questions. This can
be tricky because when I pick up my kids from school for instance, if I was to ask them
about their day right then and there, they'd probably say they did nothing, but then by
the end of the day sometimes at bedtime, they tend to open up more. They're probably trying
to avoid bedtime, but they really start talking and I'll ask them questions like, "What was
the best thing that you did today? What was the worst thing that happened today?" A real
way to get my kids talking actually is to say, "Who got in trouble today?" They love
to tell you all about that and then that kind of opens up the communication lines.
And I also on this, read something that said, for every one criticism or correction that
you give your children, you want to give them five compliments or affirmations of things
that they do well. And this really got me thinking, because sometimes you end up just
being like, "No. Stop," all the time, but you might not necessarily just say, "Oh, you're
so good at Lego. You build such good towers or you're so good at art." You might just
skip the compliments but it's actually really important. This one article I read said that
positive affirmations and compliments are like little light feathers, but negatives
are like cement so you once have a ratio of like one to five good things.
My next tip is really simple and one that you probably know already and that is that
children need sleep. There's so much research out there about children's sleep and I was
surprised that when I looked up how much sleep my three year old needs, it was not actually
that much less than what a newborn needs. Our little ones are growing so much. That
is actually so important, but it's also the one thing they don't want to do. But if I
can just read this to you, studies have shown that kids who regularly get adequate amounts
of sleep have improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, overall mental health and
physical health. Not getting enough sleep can also lead to
high blood pressure, obesity and even depression. So it's really important. But with my boys,
when they don't want to go to sleep, I always say, "But when you sleep, you grow," and that
seems to work. So just making sure that they have good routines, I'm sure they do anyway,
but when your child, like my nine year old, he tries to fight me on bedtime and stuff,
but it's actually so important. So it's something that you should stick to if you can.
My next tip is one that I've talked a lot about on this channel and that is, don't compare.
Now, this starts from such a young age. As soon as you have a baby and you go to a playgroup,
you start comparing your baby to others that are a similar age. Whether they're sitting
up or crawling or talking or walking, you're always comparing. And I just wanted to say
that baby milestones are not deadlines and not to worry about it too much. Obviously
if you have any real concerns, you should go and see your doctor but your child is unique
so try to let them be their own little person. And my last tip is to reflect on your own
childhood and your own experiences. If there's anything in parenting that makes you really
emotional or really stressed out, think about why that might be and if it is because of
your own experiences as a child. For instance, if you find mealtime really stressful, maybe
they were really stressful when you were a kid and you're almost doing the same, how
many times have you said something and it's literally something your mum used to say?
And I also follow a doctor, Dr. Shefali on Instagram, she talks a lot about conscious
parenting and it's really interesting. And sometimes she says that you might have something
broken inside you and you're almost trying to fix that through your children and it's
obviously not healthy. So I'll put links to that as well if you want to find out more
but that is it for this video. Those are all of my 12 tips. I hope you found this interesting
and you liked this style of video. Thank you so much for watching and I'll see you in my
next one. Bye guys.