Hello. This is 6 Minute English from
BBC Learning English. I'm Neil.
And I'm Sam.
Do you cry easily, Sam? I mean, when
was the last time you cried?
Let me think... Last week watching
a movie, probably. I was watching
a really dramatic
film and in one scene, the heroine
gets separated from her children.
I just burst out crying.
How about you Neil - when was
he last time you cried?
Men don't cry, Sam.
Come on, Neil! That's a bit stereotypical,
isn't it? - the idea that men
don't show their
emotions and women cry all the time.
Well, that's an interesting point, Sam,
because in today's programme
we're discussing crying.
We'll be investigating the reasons why
we cry and looking at some
of the differences
between men and women and
between crying in public and
in private. And of course, we'll
be learning some related vocabulary
along the way.
I guess it's kind of true that women
do cry more than men. People
often think crying is
only about painful feelings but we also
cry to show joy and when we
are moved by something
beautiful like music or a painting.
So, maybe women are just more in touch
with their feelings and that's
why they cry more.
Well actually, Sam, that brings me
to our quiz question. According to
a study from 2017
conducted in the UK, on average, how
many times a year do women cry? Is it:
a) 52, b) 72, or c) 102?
Hmm, it's a tricky question, Neil.
I mean, there are so many different
reasons why people
cry. And what makes me cry might make
someone else laugh. I think
some of my female friends
probably cry around once a week, so I'll
guess the answer is a) 52.
OK, Sam. We'll find out later if you were
right. Now, while it may be true that men
cry less often, it also seems that they feel
less embarrassed about crying in public.
This may be because of differences in
how men and women think
others will view their
public displays of emotion. Here's BBC
Radio 4's Woman's Hour speaking
to therapist Joanna
Cross about the issue of crying at work.
Let's take the workplace. If you've got
somebody who seems to cry regularly,
I think that's
not helpful for the individual because then
if they cry over something that really is
important to them, they might not be
taken so seriously - or they
get a label. But I
do think crying is often a build-up of
frustration and undealt-with
situations and it's a bit
of a final straw moment.
So people who regularly cry at work
risk not being taken seriously - not
being treated
as deserving attention or respect.
And they might even get a label - become
thought of as having a particular
character, whether
that's true or not.
Here's Joanna Cross again:
You build up your resentments, your
lack of boundaries, not being able
to say 'no' and
then somebody says, 'Can you go and
make a cup of tea?' and you
suddenly find yourself
weeping. And everybody says,
'What's wrong with her?', you know, but actually
that's often a backlog
of situations.
So, a common reason for crying at work
seems to be a build-up
of resentments - feelings
of anger when you think you have been
treated unfairly or have been
forced to accept something
you don't like.
When left undealt with, these feelings
can create a backlog - an accumulation
of issues that you
should have dealt with before but didn't.
Right. And then, like Joanna says,
someone asks you to do something
very simple and easy,
like make a cup of tea, and you start
weeping - another word for crying.
That's a good example of a final straw
moment, a term which comes
from the expression, 'The
straw that broke the camel's back'.
The final straw means
a further problem which itself
might be insignificant but which finally
makes you want to give up.
I hope this programme won't be
the final straw for us, Sam.
I doubt it, Neil. The only time I cry at work
is when you used to bring in
your onion sandwiches
for lunch. In fact, I can feel a tear rolling
down my cheek right now...
Ah, so that counts as one of your cries,
Sam. Remember, I asked you
on average how many
times a year women in the UK
cry - and you said?
I said a) 52.
Well, don't cry when I tell you that you
were wrong. The actual answer
was c) 72 times a year.
Which on average is more than men,
but less than parents of new-born babies,
both mothers
and fathers. They cry almost as much
as their babies!
Today, we've been talking about crying - or
weeping, as it's sometimes called.
People who often cry at work risk not
being taken seriously - not treated
as deserving
of attention or respect.
This means they might get a label -
becoming known as someone with
a particular kind of
personality, even though that
may not be true.
But crying is also a healthy way of
expressing emotions. It can help
deal with resentments
- feelings of anger that you have
been treated unfairly.
If we don't deal with these feelings in
some way, they can grow into
a backlog - an accumulation
of unresolved issues that you now
need to deal with.
And if you don't deal with them, you might
become a ticking bomb
waiting to explode.
Then anything someone says to you can
become the final straw - the
last small problem which
makes you want to give up
and maybe start crying.
What's the matter, Neil?
Was it something I said?
No, Sam - I'm crying because it's
the end of the programme!
Ahh, don't worry because we'll be back
soon for another edition
of 6 Minute English. But
bye for now.
Bye.