Hi.
I'm happy to see you, and I'm happy to be here
with this live audience-ish.
Isn't that great?
Yeah, it is great.
It is great.
It's really fun to see all the happy faces.
I'm so glad you're here in the studio.
Thanks for being here.
Oh yeah, it's nice to do human-related things, right?
Yeah.
And see people-ish and just try and make--
normalize what's going on or reintroduce ourselves.
Yes, I'm all for it.
Me too.
So who were you in quarantine with during this time?
I was in quarantine.
I was at my house.
My sister descended upon my house.
She invaded my house actually.
She brought her three children with her.
They're adult children.
I've take a lot of pride in not having children,
as I think you do too.
Sure.
So I didn't expect that kind of blitzkrieg at my house,
so I felt like I was under attack.
And they stayed for two months, and then I
had a series of vacations with my family
over the course of the summer.
And so I've had a lot of family time, and I'm good.
You were able to go on vacation?
I went to Maine.
I went to the East Coast.
I went to Martha's Vineyard.
I shot my special in New York.
Yes.
So I went back east, because it was getting crazy here.
And then everyone tags along on trips and stuff, so I've had--
I've hit my limit with family time.
I think Christmas is going to be solo this year.
I think it's solo for a lot of people,
because you're not supposed to mingle with your family.
So I think that's just--
you don't even need to use that excuse.
You can just say we can't.
Or I can tell them I'm Jewish, which I am.
Yeah.
As of now?
There you go.
Yeah, well, I've always been Jewish,
but now I'm really going to lean in hard to that Judaism.
It comes in handy right now.
Yeah, Judaism comes in handy just when you think it won't.
Yeah.
Just when you think it won't.
So you've been getting in shape, I understand, during this time.
What have you been doing?
Oh, is that a compliment on my figure?
Yes, you look good.
Thank you, I've been working really well.
With all this time, I was like, let me put it to good use.
I've been reading a lot.
I've been working on being in shape
and being healthy, because I'm getting older now.
I'm 45, so it's not a joke anymore, people.
OK, I had to buy reading glasses the other day at CVS.
I went in to buy reading glasses, and I'm like,
this is it.
In broad daylight, this is me in decline.
I have to accept that I've started having--
I have one eye where eyelashes don't grow anymore.
I shaved my face the other day, and I've
been doing that for about two years now.
So I just want everyone to know I also tried
aftershave for the first time the other day.
So these are all true things.
And if you're a woman, and you're aging, get ready, OK.
Because it's going to happen to you.
And either I'm transitioning to become a male,
or-- and no one told me, or it's over.
And I need to wrap things up.
Wow.
Have you really been saving your face for a couple of years?
Yeah, I shave all the blond hairs on my face,
but I noticed it's a good exfoliant.
But when you have a furry fa--
I have a little bit of a furry face.
Obviously, you're shaving.
Yes.
Yeah.
Not with a male razor, not with a men's razor.
Razors aren't male or female.
They're non binary, but--
an eyebrow razor.
I took-- it used to be for my eyebrows,
and then one day I was in the mirror.
I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this?"
And now I teach all my friends to shave.
So I have a shaving society.
Oh, wow.
I don't have a shaving society.
I haven't found that I need--
I'm older than you, and I've not yet needed to shave my face.
Well, some women get hairy faces, and some women don't.
So--
Exactly.
You're lucky.
Right.
So but you warned every woman out there aging that they're
going to shave their faces.
I just--
Just be on the lookout, ladies, OK.
Just be on the look out for random you know what.
You've all seen.
You know what I'm talking about.
Whether it pops up on your leg or on your face,
you need to get it.
You do need to get it.
It's rough out there.
Yeah, it is.
It is.
I understand.
Are you dating?
Do you have a boyfriend?
The last time I was here we talked about Robert Mueller.
Right.
I was having a bad crush on him, but that's old news now.
I've moved on.
I have a type.
They're between 60 and 80 is my sweet spot.
So right now I'm in my Andrew Cuomo phase,
but I'm almost at the tail end of that.
Because once Andrew Cuomo came on the scene during COVID,
that was just like bananas.
It's everyone, yes.
Like the Incredible Hulk, like a big Italian meatball
just coming on like, "You better wear a mask."
And I'm like, "I will wear a mask.
I'll wear a mask, and then you'll wear a mask.
And then we can apex together."
That's to him, not to you.
OK, you almost get me into it.
I know sometimes I know you think I'm hitting on you,
and I'm just talking abstractly about an older man
that I have a crush on.
But I want to date.
I do want to date.
It's just very hard during COVID.
You can't really go.
Will you do a dating app?
Yeah, I would do a dating app.
I'm on a dating app called Raya, which is supposed
to be inside entertainment.
But I sometimes-- I got to hookup,
and I definitely want to have sex again.
You do?
Yeah, I had a guy come over the other night,
a friend of a friend, and I met him outside of my backyard.
I was doing a little shift change.
I had a friend over for cocktails.
She left, and then he came in my backyard.
And I was giving him to see if he was appropriate for me.
And we talked for a little bit, and when I was ready,
I was like, OK, I could hook up with this guy.
This could be a fun night.
I just need to get some history, COVID history.
I said, "What is your COVID strategy?
How are you handling it?
Safety measures?"
And he said, "Well, I wear a mask a lot,
but I don't really believe it does anything."
And I got up and laid into him for about 45 minutes
about white male privilege.
I was like, "Listen up, buddy.
Are you a doctor?
Are you a scientist?"
Only a white male privileged man would
think that they know better than doctors and scientists.
It's so frustrating.
Obviously, women can be like that too,
but it is definitely with men right now.
You're just like, why do you think you know something more.
So I said, "Go home, and think about what you did.
And then if you have a different approach next week,
call me back.
And maybe we can make something happen."
I see.
Yeah, I haven't heard from him since.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel,
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer, and also some videos
of Ellen and other celebrities if you're
into that sort of thing.
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