[Where's the alarm guy?]
[Boss told me when the guy was done I should take him out]
[One less share, right?]
[Funny. He told me something similar.]
[No. No!]
If only these crooks could've stolen somebody else's brain...
[You morons]
[You're running around in Ski masks trying to blow things up. What did you think was gonna happen?]
Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we're counting down our picks for the top 10 Dumbest Criminals
[ In Florida a man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for violating his probation by trying to break INTO the Brevard County Jail. ]
For this list, we're looking at people who attempted to commit a crime, but failed miserably in the process.
Number 10: Dennis Hawkins
[ Let's go pal, I'm making a withdrawal here! ]
Wearing a disguise is great for concealing ones identity, if one is going to commit a crime.
Someone should've told Dennis Hawkins that in order for a disguise to work, however, it has to be somewhat beleivable.
Hawkins apparently missed that memo, as he attempted to rob a bank wearing clown pants, with a pair of fake breasts and a blond wig.
Not only did he fail to cover his face, which still had a goatee and moustache, but the disguise also attracted attention...
And, the police easily aprehended him.
[ You're all stupid. See, they're gonna be looking for army guys ]
Number 9: Daniel Glen
[I need you to arrest me]
it's important to be prepared
Especially if you're gonna rob a store
It is possible to be too prepared, though. Which is exaclty what happened to Daniel Glen
who inexplicably decided to call ahead to ask the store how much cash was in the register
Imagine how that conversation went...
"Hello, I'd like to place a take-out order for all the money. Can I get fries with that?"
Confused and slightly alarmed, the store owner immediately called the police
who arrested Glen on his way to the store.
[You're under arrest]
[You gotta be...you gotta be joking!]
Number 8: Albert Bailey
[ Police in Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time. ]
[ Telling an employee to get a bag of money ready. ]
we're gonna say this now. If you're planning on robbing a store or bank, don't call ahead and ask them suspicious questions
or warn them you're coming
[Everybody Freeze!]
Seemingly inspired by our previous entry, Albert Bailey called the bank and told them he was coming to rob them
so that they would have the money ready for him when he got there
he even had an accomplice enter the bank with a note informing the tellers who Bailey was.
obviously, the tellers had called the police, who aprehended Bailey immediately
Number 7: Krystian Bala
[He was being presented as a famous traveler, photographer, intellectual, maniac...and murderer ]
To commit a crime, you have to be slightly arrogant.
If you get away with the crime, this arrogance can increase to the point where you feel untouchable
After murdering Dariusz Janiszewski in 2000, Polish author, Krystian Bala wrote a novel titled "AMOK"
which featured an eerily similar murder, and details of the case only the murderer himself could've been...
Police uncovered clues relating to the murder, most of which came from the novel.
eventually arresting and charging Bala.
To their shock, they discovered on his computers plans to kill another person to tie in with the next novel he was planning to write.
[He must be...I don't know... an idiot.]
Number 6: Eloise D. Reaves
This is drugs.
This is your brain on drugs.
Buying drugs is an art,
because you don't have the option to exchange or refund your purchase if you don't like the product you get
[what'yu need?]
[Uh, one please.]
[One what?]
[Uh...one rock of crack]
[A crack rock...]
Apparently no one told this to Eloise Reaves, who had the goal to go to the Police to complain about the quality of the crack cocaine she'd just bought
She reportedly pulled the crack rock from her mouth and placed it on the cop car for the deputy to inspect
she was charged with the possession of cocaine and fined roughly 1500 dollars.
[are you guys holding?]
[Holding what?]
[Wha...Do you have any money...please?]
[I just need a little bit of money]
[No!...Wait!]
Number 5: Jonathan Ochola
[Dear diary: tomorrow my stress level goes to eleven, as I review the royal guard]
[the whole court will be watching, plus the troops.]
people have busy lives.
And sometimes the only way to keep track of important events and dates is by keeping a diary.
[Dear diary, sleeping beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow. But Dad says I can't go.]
[He never lets me out after sunset.]
It might be a good idea to leave out any planned criminal activity, however.
This seemingly never registered with Jonathan Ochola, who on June 12, 2010 wrote: "Go Porsmouth, Robbery Happens" in his diary
[your diary proved very interesting to me]
[You read my- you read my journal?]
The police were able to link him to the robbery as the getaway driver.
And, when confronted, Ochola attempted to blame it entirely on his buddy.
[Arrest him. It's his fault.]
[There is plenty of fault to be passed around]
Number 4: Mark Smith
[I nod off, I wake up in strange places, I have no idea how I got there...]
[You need to lighten up]
We aren't sure if there is a criminal handbook, but we have to guess that falling asleep in the house you're robbing
has to be high on things not to do
Mark Smith must not've read that page
Smith decided to take a quick nap under his victim's bed, drunk on Vodka and high on Valium
Only to be discovered by the home owner, who immediately called the police.
[babies don't sleep this well]
We've heard of 'cat burglars' before, but Smith seems to associate more with 'cat nappers'.
[Oh, what's the game, then?]
[Where am I? What's going on?]
Number 3: Derrick Mosely
So, we know you're not supposed to bring a knife to a gunfight, but what about a baseball bat?
this is exactly what Derrick Mosely did, as he tried to rob a GUN SHOP and steal a fire arm,
equipped only with a baseball bat and knife...
[I mean, how am I suppose to do to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing?]
[Look at this]
[Hm, well, you know, don't use a gun]
Of course, tha manager pulled out his own gun and held Mosely until the police arrived
Who would've imagined, that the manager of a gun store would possess his own gun?
Well, wonders never cease...
Number 2: Ruben Zarate
[Open the safe, pops]
[Open the God damn safe!]
Deciding to rob a muffler shop, Ruben Zarate brought a gun and demanded the money
Only to discover that the money was in the safe that could only be opened by the ABSENT store manager
He decided it'd be a good idea to leave his numbers with the store employees so they could call him when the manager returned
Of course, they called police.
who set up a trap for Zarate and arrested him
heck, we're just surprised Zarate didn't leave his name, address and social security number too
Before we unveil our number one pick, here are a few honorable - or, in this case - dishonorable mentions
Number 1: Unnamed Moron
[$96.59]
Comitting a crime is a stressful endeavor
and mistakes DO happen...
If there's one thing all robbers should remember, however, it's that your gun is your most valuable asset
This particular robber seemed to forget that fact
as he attemted to rob the Halifax bank, in London.
[Hey, what the hell?]
[Put the money in the bag]
Demanding the teller fill the bag with money
he accidentally gave his gun to the teller, instead of the bag
after a brief moment of confusion, the bank worker retreated
forcing the robber to flee
At least he managed to escape with a bank employee's bicycle
and so we still don't know his name...
[If you don't come out of there, I'm gonna have to drag you out]
[You can try...but you'll never catch me]
Do you agree with our list?
What other criminals bring new meaning to the phrase "thick as thieves"?
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