This is exciting.
It's been a while, but we're going to do another episode
of Clueless Gamer. Special guest today,
Mr. JB Smoove.
I love this.
Now, you are a very good video game player.
Are you not, Mr. JB Smoove?
I'll tell you something.
I've been playing video games forever, Conan.
We're going to play a game called "Biomutant."
Let's get our good friend to explain our gaming aficionado,
Mr. Aaron Bleyaert, we call him Bley. Bley,
how are ya?
Hey, I'm doing good.
Hey, what's up?
Thank you for being a socially distant.
I prefer you socially distant.
No, no, just because it's safe for COVID
and you can annoy me at times,
but you're a good guy and you really know your video games.
Tell us about "Biomutant."
Alright. "Biomutant" is very exciting.
We play a lot of games where there's
like the post-apocalypse.
Every game we play is the post-apocalypse.
Every time we start a game, I say, what happens?
And he says, well, you have to know, is the world blew
up a thousand years ago,
And now everything's blown to shit and you've
got a glorgar gun, and there are glaxons
and bling blangs and blow blows. "Biomutant" is different?
It's different. Cause this is the post post-apocalypse.
Wow.
Humanity has died out.
And so these, these animals have mutated because of all
of our garbage and, and the earth has kind of come back
and the Tree of Life has, has brought life back
to the earth.
And so we're going to play a mutant, a mammalian warrior.
Oh, hey, look at you.
I like that outfit
Encode your DNA.
So we're now implanting our DNA into a raccoon.
Well, we're, we're designing what we want our DNA
I'm asking you
We're not implanting our DNA
When I was in summer camp, I was caught putting my DNA
in a raccoon. They didn't allow me back.
We also have, Conan, if you want.
We had graphics, make up, what you and
JB would look like as biomutants.
This is huge.
Ooooo. Now see that guy is perfect.
And then check this guy out. Huh?
Yo, that's you all day. I love the teeth.
Wait a minute.
Yours is so much cooler than mine.
Why did they give me those teeth and a beady eye?
Do I have a beady eye in real life? Kind of
You got to two of them.
Oh, for God sake, JB.
Wow. You're very comfortable.
I love a fork in the road. This is so powerful.
So far It's a lot of talking. You know.
Does this guy ever shut up?
Oh, Oh, you want some of this?
Cut the balls off.
Okay. You're chopping.
Look. You're good.
Look at that roll.
You've got a good roll. JB, you are very good.
Whew. See when somebody's got long arms, like boxing.
How do you think Mike Tyson survived all those fights, man?
All, everyone he fought was taller than him.
Oh, I thought you meant he had a sword
attacked people in the crotch.
Whoa, I'm not playing Conan, look at that!
JB, it never goes like this.
When I'm at the controls, it's a mess.
You're a maestro.
You want me to try it?
Come on, man.
What do I do?
Oh, Oh, move around. Get inside of him.
I don't want to get inside him.
Get rid of these little guys first.
Get rid of him.
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
Get them out of there.
Let them have it.
I'm out
Fight. Fight, fight.
Get him.
Get him outta there.
Woo. Yes.
Conan, press A.
Hey Press A.
A. Yes, Conan.
Yes, Conan.
Whoa nelly.
Yes, Conan, yes, you got this!
Conan, you're boogying now, baby.
This is the best video gaming I've ever done.
Press Y, press Y again.
You know, you're the best coach I've ever had.
No one else explains it as well as you do.
You know why? Because I want you to win, Conan.
You root for me, not against me.
I want you to win.
No one's ever encouraged me this much
before. You've got me believing I can do it.
[Video Game] Here's someone who takes each day as it comes
what happened to this game?
What is better than a baby pool?
You know what, what is this?
This game suddenly turned into something stupid.
That's the mother.
Mooma, look who's back!
Who's this guy?
Oh, that's your dad, Popsie.
What's up, Popsie?
All right, So now we're going to go outside.
So our mom created a fighting style called Wong Fu.
She's going to teach us if you want to go.
So Mom is out
Up the stairs.
Training us to be a good fighter in the post apocalypse.
Dad is doing... he's sewing.
That's correct.
He doesn't seem to leave that room.
He's depressed.
You know what that is?
That's a sign of depression.
This is a loveless marriage
That man has given up.
Uh oh.
I'm going to my mom.
my mom.
My mom, mom.
No.
Oh, you tried though.
Look, he's like, eh, I tried
Look at that. His mom he's like, eh, I tried
She could live.
If you went back down for her, asshole.
JB, you just got into a large machine that you can operate.
And now you're ready to fight another creature, I think.
This is what the 405 freeway will look like
in two years
if we don't get new infrastructure
So this is the first world eater who's eating.
See the root of the Tree of Life.
So we've got to stop him almost.
I'm going to try to reason with him first
Okay. Like a snack.
This isn't so bad.
You can do a lot of damage in there.
[JB] Oh no.
Is that right?
[Video Game] Look at you, all pooped out.
He just pooped you out.
Oh, for God sake.
I think that's his heart.
(cheering)
You did it! You did it! You went into his stomach.
Here comes the big one.
Yeah. So, all right. So what do you guys think?
"Biomutant," what do you guys think?
I think this game would be perfect.
Little less talking.
And when I say a little less I mean a lot less.
It was a game that went way too long and seemed to
have no point. Where a boy started to save his mother
and then said, ah, screw it.
And let her drown. Where a lot of pointless meandering
somehow was supposed to mean something in a world
nobody cared about. A father sewed in a dark room, depressed
while the mother seemed to do most everything.
And yet the game went on and on. God, this talking
has got to stop.
And the narrator kept talking and talking and saying things
like, be good to yourself.
Oh my God.
And a smile is just a frown turned upside down.
Crap you've been hearing since you were a kid.
Add, you should add to this.
The crack of someone's ass turned sideways is
It's a hoagie. Hoagie sandwich, right?