( LAUGHTER ) THE BIGGEST TV EVENT OF THE
WEEKEND WAS ALL ABOUT THE BRUTAL STRUGGLE FOR POWER AND WARRING
HOUSES.
OF COURSE, I'M TALKIN' ABOUT PETE BUTTIGIEG'S FOX NEWS TOWN
HALL!
( APPLAUSE ) MAYOR PETE SAT DOWN WITH CHRIS
WALLACE, WHO PRESSED HIM ON HOW HE'S GOING TO RESPOND TO TRUMP'S
ATTACKS -- >> HE IS ALREADY MAKING FUN OF
YOUR NAME.
HE'S MAKING FUN OF YOUR LOOKS.
HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE INSULTS AND ATTACKS AND TWEETS AND THAT?
>> TWEETS ARE-- I DON'T CARE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: AW, SO HAPPY FOR
YOU, PETE, THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CARE ABOUT TRUMP'S TWEETS.
UNLIKE YOU, SOME OF US NEED TO READ THEM OUT LOUD EVERY NIGHT
JUST TO FEED OUR FAMILIES!
( LAUGHTER ) HE SEEMS VERY NICE.
BUT BOOT-EDGE-EDGE THE DOES UNDERSTAND
WHY THE TWEETS GET SO MUCH COVERAGE.
>> I GET IT, IT IS MESMERIZING.
IT IS HARD FOR ANYBODY TO LOOK AWAY.
ME TOO.
IT IS THE NATURE OF GROTESQUE THINGS YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: HE'S RIGHT-- TRUMP
OPERATES ON THE SAME PRINCIPLE AS AN OLD-TIME CARNIVAL FREAK.
(AS CARNIVAL BARKER) "STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE THE
INCREDIBLE SMALLHANDED BOY, THE MAN BORN WITH A SHRUNKEN HEART,
A HOLE WHERE HIS CONSCIENCE SHOULD BE, AND GROTESQUE
INSECURITY TATTOOED ON HIS MONSTROUS FACE!
WATCH AS HE UNHINGES HIS JAW AND SWALLOWS OUR REPUBLIC IN A
SINGLE BITE!
NO PHOTOGRAPHS, NO PAPIER MACHE, HE IS ALIVE!"
( LAUGHTER ) BUTTIGIEG, GORILLA, GORILLA,
GORILLA, BACK IN TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PLEASE, PLEASE, NO BREAST
FEEDING MOTHERS.
YOUR MILK MAY CURDLE IN THE TEET!
RAFF LAUGH.
>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA.
WOW, LEVELS OF ENGAGEMENT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUTTIGIEG DID
CRITICIZE THE RHETORIC OF SOME FOX NEWS HOSTS,
BUT DID HIS BEST TO REACH OUT TO REGULAR FOX VIEWERS.
>> I ALSO BELIEVE, EVEN THOUGH SOME OF THE HOSTS ARE NOT ALWAYS
THERE IN GOOD FAITH, A LOT OF PEOPLE TUNE INTO THIS NETWORK
WHO DO IT IN GOOD FAITH.
>> Stephen: WHILE OTHERS ARE DONALD TRUMP.
WHO RAGE TWEETED BEFORE THE TOWN HALL EVEN STARTED --
"HARD TO BELIEVE THAT @FOXNEWS IS WASTING AIRTIME ON MAYOR
PETE, AS CHRIS WALLACE LIKES TO CALL HIM.
FOX IS MOVING MORE AND MORE TO THE LOSING (WRONG) SIDE IN
COVERING THE DEMS.
THEY GOT DUMPED FROM THE DEMOCRATS BORING DEBATES, AND
THEY JUST WANT IN.
THEY FORGOT THE PEOPLE DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT DOT WHO
GOT THEM THERE."
(AS TRUMP) "WHAT HAPPENED TO LOYALTY, FOX
NEWS?
YOU'RE THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS LIKE SOME KIND OF JEFF SESSIONS,
KIRSTJEN NIELSEN, STEVE BANNON, BILL SHINE, SEAN SPICER, REINCE
PRIEBUS, H.R. MCMASTER, AND THE REST!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
AND TRUMP TWEETED ON: "CHRIS WALLACE SAID, "I ACTUALLY THINK,
WHETHER YOU LIKE HIS OPINIONS OR NOT, THAT MAYOR PETE HAS A LOT
OF SUBSTANCE... FASCINATING BIOGRAPHY."
GEE, HE NEVER SPEAKS WELL OF ME" (AS TRUMP)
"COME ON, CHRIS, ANYTHING MAYOR PETE CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER.
I CAN MARRY A GUY-- I'LL MARRY "TWO" GUYS!
THEN, I'LL LEAVE 'EM BOTH FOR A YOUNGER, HOTTER GUY."
( LAUGHTER ) I'LL DO IT.
DON'T PUSH ME.
I WILL DO IT IN A MINUTE.
I WILL!