I will tell you, I watched a lot.
Binge watching Netflix, Amazon.
YouTube I learned,
only go to YouTube if you have
a couple of days to kill
because once you go down that rabbit
hole--
I don't understand the YouTube
algorithm.
On Amazon, they tell you and it
makes sense.
Like, hey, people who bought
binoculars also bought a telescope
or a tripod.
It all makes sense.
YouTube, I start off watching
a video of Aerosmith doing
an acoustic version of "Jaded."
14 hours later, I finish
a documentary about how this planet
was originally inhabited by a group
of people called the Anunnaki
from the planet Nibiru.
And now our world leaders
are reptilians who met
at the Bohemian Grove Society,
and somehow it makes sense.
Yes, why didn't I always know that?
I'm so naive and gullible.
I believe every conspiracy theory
that I saw on YouTube.
JFK, definitely second gunman.
Mikey from Life cereal--
look, do you guys know-- does anyone
in this room know?
We faked the moon landing.
We faked it.
You know how I know this?
Because the world is flat.
Hello?
(audience laughing)
We landed on the moon, OK?
I am one of those guys
during lockdown.
I bought a telescope, downloaded
a stargazing app,
I became such a sky nerd.
And I learned this--
and I don't know if you knew.
Our seventh planet from the sun it's
actually pronounced Uranus.
(audience laughing)
I know.
Everyone thought, yeah, right?
It's Uranus from the Greek god
of urine.
So it's more of a number one joke
than a number two.
Number two joke, really.
(audience laughing)
Now, we landed on the moon.
Anyone thinks otherwise, man, that
would be too hard of a conspiracy
to cover up.
I have studied in great detail.
I literally know down to the minutia
about the moon landing.
July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong, Buzz
something and another guy who didn't
leave the capsule went up there.
Neil Armstrong as we all probably
remember said the immortal words,
"one small step for man,
"one giant leap for mankind."
Here's a great piece of trivia
for you--
Neil Armstrong made that up himself.
That was not preplanned.
That was not written for him
by some rocket scientists down
at NASA.
He just winged it.
As we would say in my profession,
he just riffed it.
Now, think about what
a profound prolific statement that
is.
Neil Armstrong is on the moon
representing the United States
of America.
The first guy to plant the MTV flag.
(audience laughing)
(music sound effects)
And after he said I want my MTV,
he said, one small--
one small step for man, one giant--
that's profound.
I would be nervous.
I'm from Boston.
I'd be like, Houston, this is wicked
pissing.
Oh.
Can I just shout out to my ex who
never thought I'd amount to nothing?
I can see a trailer park from up
here, sweetheart.
What do you think of me now?
(audience laughing)