Written, directed, produced, and starring the weird and mysterious Tommy Wiseau - this
shoddy excuse for a romantic drama film was shown in a limited number of California theaters
in the summer of 2003.
Independently financed on an astronomically inflated budget of $6 million, the film failed
to earn back even two thousand during its initial run.
The lumbering 99-minute story focuses on a nonsensical love-triangle between Wiseau,
Juliette Danielle, and Greg Sestero, with mostly all the action taking place in two
small, badly decorated sets.
The dilemma faced by this unmotivated adultery feels like a rejected concept for a Lifetime
movie.
Wiseau is featured front and center as a bizarre, depressing loser whose curious accent and
piss-poor acting single-handedly ruins every moment this film attempts to craft.
Besides appearing decades older than his 20-something co-stars, the European protagonist often laughs
at inappropriate moments, exhibits wild mood-swings, and begins nearly every greeting by saying,
"Oh, hi!".
Unable to remember the lines he himself wrote, much of his dialogue was sloppily dubbed in
post... the resulting performance so indescribably bizarre, it's like an alien masquerading in
human form, unfamiliar with our nuanced Earth customs.
Suffice it to say, casting himself in the lead was an insurmountable misstep, and the
single worst acting performance in the history of cinema.
The story is so horrendously written, you begin to wonder if this screenplay was a result
of that age-old riddle involving a thousand type-writing monkeys.
There's a number of irrelevant non sequitur as well, like a now cult-favorite scene where
the guys throw a football around an alleyway wearing tuxedos for no discernable reason.
The haphazardly delivered, and unrealistic dialogue is bad enough to make you want to
scoop out your own eardrums with a spoon.
But even with a flawless script, the loathsome acting here immediately sinks any chance this
movie had at succeeding.
Danielle might be sexy eye-candy, but her inclusion in some of the cheesiest love scenes
imaginable wouldn't even get the horniest teens aroused.
Later, she attempts to defend her cheating habits by saying, "You have to live, live,
live!"
Sestero appears to be the only one in the group aware of the disaster they're producing...
but being the fastest snail in a group doesn't still make you quick.
Years later, he actually wrote a book discussing his turbulent experiences making the film,
which was recently optioned by Seth Rogen's company for a film adaptation.
The story is also rife with inconsistencies and plot holes... not the least of which are
threads involving breast cancer and a loan shark debt, which are abandoned as soon as
they're introduced.
The background music might as well be a cheap demo track built into a child's keyboard,
because it sounds just as bad.
From a technical standpoint, Wiseau isn't entirely incompetent, most of the scenes are
decently lit, and adequately framed, but he tends to go overboard with foreground cluttered
tracking shots.
Hilariously though, Wiseau was not familiar with the difference between film and video
- and ended up shooting the entire movie on both formats simultaneously, at a ridiculously
unnecessary expense.
The R-rated mess is ostensibly nothing more than a poorly constructed, non-erotic soft
core porno that repeatedly repeats itself.
Seriously, Danielle shares near-identical dialogue with her mother in three separate
scenes.
The film Entertainment Weekly famously dubbed the "Citizen Kane" of bad movies was promoted
by Wiseau with a single billboard on Highland Avenue in Los Angeles...
at a cost of $5,000 a month... for five full years.
If I had to guess, I'd say Wiseau was burned by an ex-lover early in life, and produced
this entire mistake of a film as some sort of therapeutic revenge... the unfortunate
result is an illustration of the dangers of an unfettered, and misguided dream.
Only seldom, and unintentionally entertaining - this is a dreadful experience I hope I never
have to see again.
"The Room", "A horrendous auteur's regretful disaster."
Now let's see what you had to say in the YouTube comments.
Here's our ratings for "The Room"... a TWO and a ONE.
While you were justifiably critical of this picture...
you also found a great deal of amusement out of it, and rated it only a BAD.
Laughable train wreck or not, it's still a train wreck, and there's nothing really redeeming
here: I thought it was GARBAGE.