- Hello, I'm Nick Offerman,
and this is everything I do in a day.
[upbeat music]
For the purposes of this experiment, I will just give you
a normal day when I would go work
at my wood shop all day in Los Angeles.
Ideally, I get up at six in the morning.
I use the alarm on my phone, because I can make it
quiet and gentle, not to wake up my sleeping bride.
I don't ever hit snooze.
I do my best to quietly get out of the bedroom,
and make my way downstairs towards the breakfasting area.
I have two hard-boiled eggs, good, clean, grass-fed,
pasture-raised eggs, they really make a difference
in both my life and that of the chicken.
I eat probably a larger portion of blueberries than I
should, a heaping tablespoon of almond butter, and a coffee.
I take my coffee black.
After I have breakfast, I feed the dogs, and then
get in my car and get on the road to beat the traffic.
If I get stuck, or as we call it, cornholed,
in some sort of thick rush hour,
it can take up to an hour and 17 minutes.
I used to listen to the radio and listen to a lot of music,
but the older I get, the more I seem
to listen to audiobooks and podcasts.
I can get to the wood shop, let's just say by 7:30.
It is a warehouse where five employees
and myself make things out of wood.
First thing I do when I get to the shop is
unlock the door, and walk in through the office,
and generally take in the smell,
the finest of Corinthian leather, ass crack,
walnut, mahogany, teak dust, duck fat, cigar smoke,
tinged with just a hint of regret.
First thing in the morning, I make a cup of black coffee,
and I turn on the lights, and maybe put on some music,
and get ready for the day's work.
If you make things in a wood shop,
you're not getting a lot done if you sit around
and look at your phone, or chew the fat with your neighbor.
If anyone else is around, I check in.
It's important to know what everyone's doing for the day
in case more than one of you wanna use a station
or a machine, so you can strategize around one another,
but then pretty quickly, I'll dive
right in to the morning's tasks.
Anything that requires arithmetic, or fine accuracy,
or a high degree of safety or focus,
the best things to do in the morning when you've had
your coffee and you're sharp.
At Offerman Wood Shop, lunch is at 1 p.m.
There's a dinner bell that will be rung,
and you are welcome to join, or you can
eat on your own if you are anti-social.
I eat salads with chicken and quinoa and avocado,
and sriracha dressing, to spice up my lunch hour.
There's a moment of respite that usually
lasts from six to seven minutes.
That is when hijinks are welcome at the lunch table.
Everyone's responsible for doing their own dishes.
We finish lunch in 30 to 45 minutes.
After lunch, you're gonna feel a little more sluggish,
and so activities like sanding or finishing,
any repeatable activity that doesn't require
a high degree of accuracy is great for the post-lunch hours.
I'll usually knock off around four,
and try to hustle across town.
By four p.m. in Los Angeles, all the freeways are garbage,
and so now I take surface streets
to head back across to the west.
Because of my years of experience, and clever use of routes
and back alleys, I'm usually home in 45 minutes.
Hopefully, my wife is there.
We go exercise together.
I run four miles, and she power walks it.
The route involves a steep hill for half a mile,
and the whole thing takes me, I think
my best time is around 40 to 43 minutes.
Usually I listen to a podcast or an audiobook.
If it's baseball season, it's quite likely I'm listening to
the Chicago Cubs play baseball against the losing team.
When I get done running, I do some stretching,
you gotta stretch, and on the advice of Chris Pratt,
I do either one or two sets of 50 pushups.
Then, I'm ready for my dinner.
It's a little bit of a fancy night,
so I will make lamb chops on the grill.
I make an incredible corn dish called Corn My Way,
sorry, Corn My Way.
The recipe is in my third book, which is called
Good Clean Fun, and I'll whip up a nice salad.
Sorry, haters, it's good for you.
We'll wrap up dinner around seven, 7:30 p.m.
After the dishes are done, and once again,
the dogs' needs have been met,
we will engage in one of two activities.
Activity number one is watch a kickass television program,
surrounded by our dogs, or we sit at our dining room table,
which is an inch and three quarter slab of American elm,
and assemble a jigsaw puzzle
while listening to an audiobook.
Check that out.
When I get ready for bed, I will wash myself,
I will brush my teeth, if necessary I will use dental floss,
and then I will don flannel pajamas.
I will wear slippers on my feet until I get to the bed,
at which point I'll remove the slippers
and climb into bed barefoot.
Ideally, I get to bed by 10 p.m.
That gives me eight hours of sleep.
It's really where it all starts,
is getting the right amount of sleep.
That was everything I do in a day.
[thud]