Mark: Alright, I'm off.
Jermia: Oh and don't forget to pick up groceries after work.
Oh, and don't forget to pick up Jimmy from soccer practice okay?
Oh Jesus Mark, you're not going to leave the
house looking like that are you?
Do fix your tie.
Don't worry, I'll do it.
We also got to fix up our anniversary dinner as well.
Are you going to book that? Mark: (overlapping) I will remem...
Look, don't worry about it. I'll book it, alright? Now see ya! Have a good day!
Mark: Hands up if you might be guilty of doing something like that
or saying something like that at some point in your relationships with men.
You should all have your hands up right now.
There is a relationship
ruining habit that some women are guilty of that undermines who your
partner is as a man and inadvertently serves to push him away.
Simply put it is this, being his mother instead of his lover.
The more you act like his mother and do things that mother would do,
the more he starts to think of you like he thinks of his mother.
Now, unless the man you're with is very strange, and if that's the
case, you have a whole different set of problems for a whole another
video than him thinking of you in the same thought as his mother is
not something you want.
Now, I want to make clear, I understand when you
do these things, they come from a really good place.
They really do.
You don't want him to leave the house looking unkempt, so you grab his shirt
and you are in it for him. You figure he'll probably just forget to pick
up little Jimmy from soccer practice, so you remind him again, or you end
up just saying, "I'll do it" because he'll probably forget.
I get that it comes from a good place. The problem is the more you act this
way, the more he ends up feeling like he's dating his mom and men associate
zero sexual attraction or passion to anything resembling their mothers.
Here's the extra confusing part though, just in case this wasn't a hard enough
habit to break as it is, he likes it when you do it.
When you do things his mum would do, he smiles.
He says, "Thank you" and he genuinely means it. He's genuinely very appreciative.
Men love to feel cared for. Men love your support. Men love their moms.
They're great! Mom's the word.
They even say to you, when you do these things, they say, "Thank you so much.
I love you so much. Where would I be without you?" And it makes you feel really,
really good because it feels good. You end up doing it more and it becomes
a habit and a pattern and it becomes this big reinforced rolling ball of
relationship destruction. When you pick up after him, when you book things
for him, when you remind him of things because you assume he is useless
and will forget himself, what you're basically saying is, "I don't believe
you are capable. I don't have faith in you," and when you remind a man enough
times that you don't have faith in him, pretty soon he's going to buy into that
and he's going to stop having faith in himself. He loses confidence,
he stops trying, and he starts relying on you to do everything.
You've now officially succeeded in completely de-training the "monkey."
Not only does this suck for him because he becomes totally
incompetent, and by the way, it's impossible for a man who feels
incompetent within himself to fully love a woman or to even give love
at all to a woman.
But you turn around and realize that because he's so
incompetent, you're no longer even attracted to him!
Being his mother instead of his lover, literally takes passion out of your
relationship from both directions.
Now, I get what you're thinking right now.
You're thinking, "Mark, if I don't remind him to get the groceries or
to pick up little Jimmy, he's going to forget, "or "Mark, I refuse to let my
man leave the house looking like a grab" or "Mark, if I don't book
the lunch, no one will. And I want food Mark. I really like food!"
I can empathize with all of these, especially with the possibility of
missing out on food.
Well, my answer to all of these is still the same. Let him.
Jimmy's not at the dinner table like he supposed to be
because he didn't pick Jimmy up cause he forgot.
Next time, he's going to remember.
He forgot to pick up the groceries, and you guys can eat
noodles or beans or mustard or whatever. Next time, he's going
to remember, he'll go out with a crinkled shirt and someone will
make fun of him for it and someone will comment and next time he's
going to remember. It's very tempting to want to step in and save a man
from himself. I think this habit in general really speaks to the beautiful
caring nature of women, but it's one you have to rein in because it will
ruin your relationship and that's no exaggeration.
It'll take the polarities out between the two of you. It'll takeaway passion.
It's not good for your relationship to be his mother instead of his lover.
If you want to be a great girlfriend or wife, you've got to let your man suffer a little to
learn the lesson he needs to learn and keep him competent.
Help him grow, let him experience some pain and failure and I promise he will
always see you as his passionate lover and never as his mother.
Well, thank you so much for watching. I hope you enjoyed the video.
This is one that I find surprises a lot of women, but it's a really great
way to dial back this habit and keep the passion long-term in your relationship.
Thank you so much again for watching.
Make sure you leave a comment, comment below.
Don't forget, we've got How To Tell If A Guy Likes You, the complete guide to
reading and understanding men available in the description and
also from our website.
Give the video a thumbs up. Like I say, leave a comment below and I look
forward to seeing you in the next video very soon.