Hello Brains!
Early on in this channel someone angrily commented
that I couldn't have ADHD because I didn't seem very ADHD
That's called editing.
It's also called 'masking'.
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Masking, in a broad sense, is the act of hiding one's true feelings or personality,
typically in order to fit it.
Masking how we really feel, or what our preferences really are
is something we all learn to do as children.
We pretend that we're happy, when we're actually sad.
That we're confident when we're actually nervous.
That we like something maybe more than we actually like it,
so that we can fit in with the group we're hanging out with.
And pretty much everyone does this sometimes.
But for ADHD and autistic brains, fitting in often requires
an additional type of masking.
For us: 'Masking' (verb) is the act of hiding our neurodivergence.
And, unlike emotions, the way our brains naturally work
isn't something that comes and goes.
Sometimes we're sad and occasionally we have to pretend that we're not.
But it's not like sometimes we're neurodivergent
and occasionally we have to pretend we're not.
We're always neurodivergent,
and we often have to pretend that we're not.
According to one of the brains, masking is:
Having to watch every single thing that might make me seem not normal and then fix it.
Having to bottle it up.
We mask by making a conscious effort to behave in ways that are neurotypical,
like sitting still, or making eye contact
or by suppressing behavior that are common in those of us who are neurodivergent
like stimming, fidgeting, speaking quickly interrupting while someone is talking
or sitting very strangely in a chair.
Why do we do this?
We mask to conform to social pressures
to avoid rejection or bullying
and as part of impression management.
We're often corrected and even punished for our "weird" behaviors growing up.
And so, we learn to suppress them.
This kind of "social camouflaging" can be beneficial.
It can help us achieve our goals,
like getting a job, or help us establish relationships,
especially with people who aren't neurodivergent.
In the short term, it can seem to keep us safe.
But it turns out, the kind of masking that ADHD and autistic brains are often asked to do
comes at a cost. Especially long-term.
First, it's distracting. It can be hard to focus on what we're trying to do
or trying to learn when we're also having to actively monitor sitting still
and making eye contact and responding when it's appropriate to respond.
It takes up working memory slots, which we already tend to have fewer of.
So there's less of a chance of us actually retaining the information we're being given.
It can make it so we don't get the level of support we actually need
because it doesn't seem like we need it.
This can lead to a delay in diagnosis, or misdiagnosis.
Or, more difficulty in getting the level of support we need after diagnosis.
It can make it hard for people to believe that we're struggling.
Intentionally masking is not the only thing that can hide our struggles
but it definitely contributes.
Masking constantly is exhausting
and long-term, it can potentially lead to burn-out.
It can set false expectations, or expectations that we can't consistently meet,
which can sometimes make people angry with us.
And us angry or embarrassed with ourselves
when out mask inevitably starts to slip.
It's also lonely. It affects our sense of self and our connection to others
if we're constantly having to hide fundamental aspects of who we are.
And it's anxiety-inducing.
Because a lot of the "weird" things we do,
our brains are having us do for a reason.
They're normal for our brains.
They're coping and self-regulating mechanisms
to help us focus or relieve anxiety
and not being able to do them for an extended period of time
is not good for us.
And no matter how much we practice that,
no matter how long we force ourselves to sit still in meetings,
to pretend to be neurotypical,...
We're not going to be.
And the world is starting to recognize these differences for what they are:
Differences.
Not deficits, or flaws.
I'm excited to see this shift in perception.
As people start to accept and understand neurodiversity,
routinely see unmasked neurodivergent behaviors and have these behaviors normalized,
hopefully we'll feel more comfortable and safe, taking off our masks.
I want to make this clear though,
taking off our masks does not mean that we are absolved of any consequences.
We still live in a society with other people
and our actions and behaviors affect others.
"I shouldn't have to mask" doesn't mean I can be a jerk.
I'm not advocating for that.
But for behaviors that don't hurt anyone,
like rocking, playing with fidget toys in a way that's not distracting to others,
sitting weird in your chair at work.
I really hope that becomes more normalized
because for us, it is normal.
So, occupational burnout is something i'm personally concerned about,
because people in our community are at greater risk of it.
What I use, personally, to manage my workload
is an app called
Sunsama
consistently, without burning out.
Here's how it works:
I start my day opening
I look through all the places where tasks tend to come in:
Google Calendar, Asana, Email,...
There are integrations for a lot of productivity apps.
I plan my day,
anything that can wait.
I organize my tasks in the order I want to do them,
post it to Slack, then get started.
There's a 'Focus mode' which helps me mono-task
and not get overwhelmed by everything I need to do that day.
I can guess how long something will take,
then track how long it actually takes,
which helps me see time better.
There is even a tool to easily take notes in meetings.
There are a lot of productivity tools out there, meant to help you do more.
I love that this isn't one of them.
We already try to do more than we probably should.
It's nice to have an app that'll tell me when I'm doing too much.
If you'd like to try
Thank you to my Brain Advocates, and all my Patreon Brains,
for giving me the ability to
be a little more ADHD while I'm on the channel
and provide a safe space for my community to interact without masking their neurodivergences well.
Like, subscribe, click all the things
and I will see you next video.
Bye Brains!
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